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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539910">watching you watching me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/undergroundash/pseuds/undergroundash'>undergroundash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also when I said Zuko was soft I really meant angsty, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Brief moments of past Mai/Zuko, M/M, Vague mentions of past Sokka/Yue and Sokka/Suki, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, but honestly here he's just really soft, handful of lines taken from the firebending masters and boiling rock episodes, he can be both, honestly it's just the year of realizing stuff, no homophobia in avatar cuz i say so, ozai sucks, sokka realizes something about himself, the moon is beautiful and also a great listener, zuko realizes what it's like to have friends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:34:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539910</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/undergroundash/pseuds/undergroundash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sokka lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and stares after Zuko's retreating form.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>"Oh Princess Yue, we're really in it now..."</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sokka and Zuko, from the Western Air Temple through the end of the war.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sokka &amp; Yue, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A:tla</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. something about you...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So... this got away from me.  Originally it was going to be a whole lot shorter, but the ideas kept coming and somehow turned into this.  Chapter two from Zuko's perspective is started and will hopefully be up soon!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the moment Zuko joins the team, Sokka can’t help but watch him.  It’s to be expected, he reasons, since after all this guy <em>did</em> chase them around the world for months before turning up out of nowhere and claiming to have changed.  To Sokka, that had seemed about as likely as Katara going a full day without telling him to wash his socks.  Or Aang declaring he had a sudden craving for meat.  Or Toph- well, anyway, the whole thing was pretty surprising. </p><p>So Sokka eyes Zuko cautiously at mealtimes, not-so-subtly follows him around during the day, studies him as he helps with chores and sneaks Appa treats and grudgingly carries Toph around on his back like he’s her personal manservant- even long after her feet have healed.  He waits for a slip up, a waver in Zuko’s sincerity or a sign that he’s actually out to get them, but so far the firebender seems totally innocent.   </p><p>If this were anyone else, Sokka would suspect they were playing some kind of elaborate long game, a ruse to lull them all into a false sense of security.  But from Sokka’s (incredibly frequent) observations, Zuko appears completely honest- at times to a horrifying degree.  His emotions play out with little hesitation, every grimace and snarl and confused frown twisting his features to write his intent clearly across his face.  Sokka doesn't believe someone like that could successfully hide anything for an extended period of time. </p><p>And Toph trusts him, which counts for a lot. </p><p>Even so, Sokka can’t help but keep an eye on the firebender.  He tries to keep his staring as covert and un-glarey as possible, since Katara seems to have that bit covered, but he must be losing his stealthy touch because Zuko’s been catching him more and more frequently.  The first few times, the older teen would growl out a defensive, “what?” leaving Sokka spluttering for a response.  But after that, he barely seems to notice. </p><p>Strangely, Sokka kinda misses his reactions. </p><p> </p><p>The days stretch on and Sokka finds himself watching Zuko more out of habit than any real suspicion.  He invites himself to Aang and Zuko’s firebending practice, under the guise of watching two <em>jerks</em> do their <em>jerkbending</em> (an absolute classic line, even if no one else thinks it’s that funny) but they quickly wave him off.  He retreats without incident, noticing Zuko appears even more upset than usual and wondering why. </p><p>The reason becomes apparent at dinner, when Zuko dejectedly announces that his firebending power has unexpectedly weakened. </p><p>Sokka winces as Katara laughs loudly, snidely remarking that maybe the prince was just overestimating his own abilities. </p><p>“Ouch,” says Toph, voicing exactly what Sokka’s thinking.  He winces in sympathy, because bender or not- that comment’s gotta hurt. </p><p>Aang and Zuko bring up the idea of him losing his drive due to changing sides, and Sokka sees his moment to enter the conversation. </p><p>“So all we need to do is make Zuko angry?  Easy enough.”  He pokes the older teen repeatedly, watching his face grow angrier with every jab. </p><p>“Cut it out!”  Sokka dives for the ground with a yelp as Zuko yells.  His rage dissipates a second later and his shoulders slump, defeated.  “Even if you’re right, there has to be another way.  I don’t want to rely on hate and anger anymore.”</p><p>From his discombobulated heap at Zuko’s feet, Sokka can’t help but feel a strange twinge in his chest at that line.  Something about it just seems so… noble. </p><p>Toph manages to get the conversation back on track, explaining how she learned earthbending from the source: badgermoles.  Aang chimes in about the original airbenders being sky bison, but their stories only seem to discourage Zuko further.  He flatly declares the dragons are extinct, quickly shutting Aang down when he expresses disbelief.</p><p>Sokka can see the cogs whirring behind Zuko’s eyes as he paces away from the group.  “There might be another way,” he says slowly.  “The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient Sun Warriors.  They died off thousands of years ago, but their civilization wasn’t too far from here.  Maybe we can learn something by poking around their ruins.”</p><p>Aang nods sagely.  “The monks used to tell me, sometimes the shadows of the past can be felt by the present.”</p><p>Air monk wisdom aside, Sokka can think of at least five reasons off the top of his head that this might not be the best idea, number one being Katara preemptively starting to bristle at the very thought of Aang and Zuko heading off somewhere by themselves.  Visions of Aang getting hurt and Katara subsequently unleashing hell on Zuko flash through his brain, and Sokka has to admit that would be pretty terrifying.  But he also knows that if Aang doesn’t successfully learn firebending, the outcome would probably be a lot worse. </p><p>In the end, it’s Aang who convinces Katara to let them go.  “He’s done nothing but try to prove he’s trustworthy again and again since he got here,” Aang reasons.  “And I really do need to learn firebending.  This could be our only shot.”</p><p>Katara relents, eventually, admitting she understands how important this trip is.  “Alright, Aang, I know you can take care of yourself.  Just… be careful.”</p><p>“I will,” he promises.</p><p>Katara’s blue eyes harden to icy chips and she purposely raises her voice so Zuko, lurking awkwardly on the side, is sure to hear.  “And if anything happens and you get hurt, accident or not, the person responsible is going to have to answer to me.”</p><p>A nervous look washes over Zuko’s face and Sokka suppresses a sigh.  Figures, really, that it was too much to expect them all to just get along. </p><p> </p><p>They wave Aang and Zuko off early the next day, Sokka still half asleep in the pale morning light.  He’s just about to wander back to his sleeping bag for an extra hour of rest when Katara catches his arm, looking upset.  Oh spirits, here it comes… apparently sleep would have to wait.  </p><p>“I can’t believe we’re letting the two of them go off together.”</p><p>Sokka scrubs a hand over his face, fighting through his remaining sleepiness to form a coherent thought.  “Look, I’m gonna say this as delicately as possible because I know you hate the guy, but maybe it’s time to start thinking about laying off Zuko?  Just a little?”</p><p>As expected, Katara looks outraged.  “How can you even suggest that?”</p><p>Sokka can’t help but shrug, knowing his nonchalance is just going to make his sister angrier.  The petty part of him that just wanted to go back to bed thinks it’s funny.  “Honestly, I think it’s the best thing we can do.  He’s part of the team now, like it or not, and things will probably go a bit more smoothly if one person isn’t visibly hating another the entire time.  And since he got here, he hasn’t done anything suspicious.  I’ve been keeping an eye on him.”</p><p>Katara’s eyes narrow.  “Yeah, I have too.”</p><p>“So then you’ve seen how much he’s changed.”</p><p>“No, I’m just waiting for him to slip up!”</p><p>Sokka slaps his forehead.  “Have we been watching the same guy?  If you’re still thinking he’s gonna betray us now then you haven’t been paying close enough attention.”</p><p>Katara gets up in his face and ugh, it really is too early in the morning to be arguing like this.  “You’re sounding awfully friendly towards a guy who was our enemy up until a week ago.  When did you have this change of heart?”</p><p>Sokka’s struggling for an exact answer when Toph pipes up from her spot on the ground.  “He’s been totally sincere ever since he joined the group.  To be honest, most of the time he seems kinda terrified of us all.”  Oh really?  Sokka files that nugget of information away for later. </p><p>“Good,” grumbles Katara.</p><p>“Not good,” counters Toph.  “You think having an anxious, stressed out firebender trying to teach Aang is doing him any favors?  Having Zuko relax a little would be better for us all.  And that means not antagonizing him with every word that comes out of your mouth!”</p><p>Sokka is grateful when Katara shifts her attention away from him and onto the earthbender.  Sokka is not grateful for the fact that this conversation seems more and more likely to end with an all-out earth and water bending brawl. </p><p>“Have you somehow forgotten that he burned your feet?”</p><p>“We’ve been over this, Katara!”  Toph launches herself upright, tremors already rumbling beneath her feet.  Katara falls into a defensive stance in response but before she can make a move, Sokka is shoving himself between them both.  </p><p>“Ok, ok- everybody chill out!  Katara, can you put that water down, please?” </p><p>She glares at him but relaxes her arms, the water splashing both Sokka and Toph on its way to the ground. </p><p>“I should have expected that,” he sighs.  “Look, we’re not saying you have to be best friends with Zuko, but maybe cutting him a little slack-”</p><p>Katara turns and stomps away, not even letting him finish. </p><p>“She just needs some time to cool down,” says Sokka unconvincingly.  Toph doesn’t seem to care, already laying back in her spot on the ground. </p><p>Sokka’s about to go dry off from his unexpected shower, when he’s reminded of something from earlier in the conversation.  “Hey Toph?  What’d you mean, about Zuko being scared of us?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she replies, “it’s just what my bending tells me.  Most of the time his heart’s all weird and fluttery, and sometimes gets really fast, like a rabbit-mouse caught in a trap.”</p><p>Sokka doesn’t like the sound of that.  “Huh… that can’t be healthy, right?  Do you think something’s wrong with him?”</p><p>Toph shrugs.  “When I said it’d be better for us all if he relaxed a little, I meant it.  At the rate he’s going, he might just keel over before we even face his father.”</p><p>Sokka <em>definitely</em> doesn’t like the sound of that. </p><p> </p><p>Katara’s icy demeanor has warmed by the early evening, and Sokka offers her a repentant grin and hug that she (thankfully) doesn’t hesitate to return.  Despite being back on good terms, he refrains from mentioning Zuko at all during the dinner-time conversation, though that doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking about him.  Because he is.  Quite a lot. </p><p>He just keeps going back to Toph’s comment about Zuko being terrified of them.  To Sokka, it doesn’t make sense.  Sure, they’re a group of superpowered benders and warriors and one of them is the literal bridge between the spirit world and the earthly plane, but they’re not <em>scary</em>.  Besides, they’re… well, calling Zuko a friend seems like a bit of a stretch at this point but he’s an ally, at least.  Most of the lingering animosity between them had dissolved the second Aang had officially welcomed him to the team.  The only one who still displayed any outward misgivings was Katara, which Sokka could understand (even if he didn’t agree).  So was Zuko just scared of Katara?  Sure, she could be hostile if provoked, but that was just coming from a place of protectiveness.  He didn’t think she’d really do anything to him, right?</p><p>Sokka knows his sister can be scary, but he can’t imagine anyone being genuinely terrified of her.  If anything, Zuko’s the one who has more experience with a scary little sister.  Sokka shudders, thinking of the time they wasted while Azula baited him during the eclipse.  Yeah.  Zuko’s sister was a real piece of work.  Sokka can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for Zuko living with her.  And growing up with Ozai as his dad, Sokka realizes with increasing horror. </p><p>Most days, he has a hard time thinking of the Fire Lord as an actual person rather than a faceless enemy.  It’s easier to act like he’s just an entity to be defeated, not actual flesh and blood.  But Zuko lived under his influence for most of his life.  Sure, Sokka didn’t necessarily have it easy growing up, especially after Hakoda left to fight in the war.  But he had good memories of his father, of sledding and ice fishing and warm hugs and wrestling around the fire pit at night.  From what Sokka knew of the royal family, Zuko… probably didn’t have that. </p><p>Huh.  That ‘not as much of a jerk as he could have been’ award might’ve actually been fitting. </p><p>As Sokka crawls into his sleeping bag for the night, he resolves to make more of an effort with Zuko, to invite him into conversations and crack some jokes and maybe try to tone down the constant staring (since there really is no need for that anymore).  He and Aang are due to return the next afternoon, hopefully with some Sun Warrior wisdom. </p><p>Sokka smiles as he falls asleep.  He likes making new friends. </p><p> </p><p>Whatever happened on that field trip, it was clearly a success.  Sokka can see it in Zuko and Aang’s faces even before they get off Appa.  Aang greets them elatedly, launching immediately into a story about ruins and booby traps and something with a golden egg, gesticulating wildly the entire time.  Zuko stands slightly behind him, the tiniest of smiles on his face.  His shoulders are a fraction more relaxed than normal and he looks almost… content.  It’s a nice change.</p><p>Zuko and Aang demonstrate their newly learned firebending form, cutting a wide circle around the courtyard.  Their movements are impressive, and Sokka finds that once again he can’t pull his gaze away from Zuko- captivated by the power in his stance, the look of concentration on his face, the clean line of his limbs as he transitions through the moves.  There’s no doubt that he’s an incredibly skilled bender- one who carries himself with an easy grace and a newfound confidence that suits him more than that constant scowly look he always wore before. </p><p>Not for the first time since Zuko has arrived, Sokka thanks the spirits for their former enemy’s change of heart.  </p><p>In fact, now that he’s not trying to constantly kill and or capture them, Zuko is actually pretty cool.  Sokka likes having him on the team.  He likes having someone who can get the fire roaring in seconds and practically radiates heat at all times, likes having someone else his age around to balance the responsibilities.  He likes that Zuko can fight with swords, even though it’s absolutely unfair for him to be good at that <em>and</em> bending.  Likes that he attempts to tell painfully dorky jokes that usually fail horribly, has a habit of making tea, and quotes his Uncle in any given situation.  Even more than all that, Sokka finds he just plain likes- <em>oh</em>. </p><p>Sokka’s heart jumps a little as he realizes where his thoughts are headed.  Somehow he’d gone from admiring Zuko’s bending to just admiring <em>Zuko</em>, a realization that serves to confuse him more than anything else.  He wants to dissect that train of thought a little more thoroughly but the chance slips away, Aang and Zuko now in their final firebending pose.  </p><p>Sokka quickly applauds with the rest of the group and spouts off the first thing that comes to his head, hoping the slight shake of his voice goes unnoticed.  “Yeah, that’s a great dance you two learned there.”</p><p>Zuko reacts defensively, like Sokka knew he would.  “It’s not a dance, it’s a firebending form.”</p><p>Sokka can’t help the grin that plasters itself across his face.  Zuko is just too easy to rile up.  “We’ll just tap-dance our way to victory over the Fire Lord.”</p><p>“It’s a sacred form that happens to be thousands of years old!”  Zuko stalks towards him, annoyance clear as day, and suddenly Sokka finds himself <em>blushing</em>.  Spirits, is this how it’s going to be now?</p><p>Katara pipes up with a response, thankfully, because Sokka’s brain is absolutely blank.</p><p> </p><p>The fact that he may or may not like a man isn’t that strange to Sokka; for all of the traditionalism of the Water Tribes they held no stigma against relationships between people of the same sex.  It’s more the fact that he may or may not like this <em>specific</em> man.  Zuko.  Their former enemy.  The son of the guy they’re fighting.  Next in line to lead the nation that had devastated the rest of the world for a hundred years. </p><p>It’d be a lot for anyone to wrap their head around, let alone an overthinker like Sokka. </p><p>So that night after dinner, when the chatter finally settles and everyone is tucked away in their bedrolls, Sokka sneaks away.  He moves silently through the hallways, climbing higher into the bizarre upside-down architecture until he reaches a ledge with a clear view.  It’s breezy, like everywhere else in the temple, but Sokka doesn’t mind.  He sits on the rocky ground, tucking his knees up to his chest as he stares at the night sky above him. </p><p>“Hey Yue.”</p><p>The moonlight seems to shimmer, just a little.  Sokka takes it as a sign she’s listening.</p><p>“Man, what a day, huh?  Aang discovering an ancient firebending form and me discovering… well, you know.”  Sokka purses his lips.  “Or maybe you don’t.  I don’t know how much you can see from up there.”</p><p>No response.  Sokka sighs.</p><p>“It’s just… complicated, you know?  And as usual, my timing could not be worse.  I mean, meeting and losing you in a matter of days… barely seeing Suki twice in the past six months and then learning Azula took her prisoner… and now this.  We’re in the middle of a war, for spirit’s sake!  I don’t have time to be ogling at one of my teammates.  Even if this one is particularly ogle-worthy.  Like seriously, Yue- he’s <em>hot</em>.  And not just cuz he’s a firebender.” </p><p>Sokka pauses, twists the hem of his shirt before continuing.  “And that’s another thing… I know Zuko’s on our side now, but we’re going to face off against his literal dad in a matter of weeks.  The comet is coming closer every single day and Aang’s great and all, but I don’t know if he’s ready.  I don’t know if <em>I’m</em> ready.”</p><p>A beam of moonlight falls across his face almost like a caress. </p><p>Sokka sighs again, fingers idly tracing swirls in the dirt beside him.  “But I didn’t come here to talk to you about the war.  Maybe my priorities are a little off right now, but I just want to talk about Zuko.”</p><p>He falls quiet, the impassive moon waiting patiently for him to speak once more.</p><p>“I think you’d like him,” Sokka finally admits.  “He was at the North Pole too, when everything happened, but he wasn’t with Zhao- he just wanted to capture Aang.”</p><p>The moon’s silvery glow dims ever so slightly.</p><p>“He’s changed a lot since then,” Sokka hastily adds.  “I didn’t believe it at first, but I’ve seen it.  And these past few days I’ve really started to see <em>him</em>, and learn what kind of person he is and what he believes in.  And honestly… he reminds me a little of you.”</p><p>Sokka takes a deep, steadying breath then exhales slowly, trying to get his swirling thoughts in order.  “You were willing to do anything for the good of your people.  You understood duty, and obligation, and honor… and I think he does too.  I can see he loves his people, his nation, wants to make things right by them- even if it means sacrificing everything he knows in the process.  He’s not the same angry jerk with a ponytail that chased us halfway across the globe.”  A wry little smile grows on Sokka’s face.  “Which is a good thing, because that hairstyle was atrocious.”</p><p> “Anyway…” he continues more soberly.  “I miss you, Yue.  I know you’re probably busy with important Moon Spirit things, but could you maybe send me a sign?  I don’t know if this is just a crush or if it has the potential to be something more, but if life has taught me anything it’s that I shouldn’t waste the time I have with people, especially now.  If I have feelings for someone, I should just tell them, right?”</p><p>“Sokka?”</p><p>The boy in question lets out an embarrassingly loud shriek, launching himself about a foot in the air as he spins around.  “Who’s there?”</p><p>“Uh, it’s me.”  Zuko steps forward from the shadows, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.  “I couldn’t sleep so I was just walking around, and then I heard you talking…”</p><p>Sokka gapes like a dying fish for a few seconds before managing to clamp his mouth shut.  He can feel his blush spreading from his cheeks down the back of his neck, and hopes the dim light hides it from view.  “Zuko!  How much did you hear?”</p><p>The moonlight shimmers, and Sokka swears he can feel Yue laughing lightly at him. </p><p>Zuko shrugs nonchalantly, reacting too calmly to have actually heard anything.  “Nothing that you were saying really, I just heard your voice.” </p><p>Well that’s a relief. </p><p>Zuko glances around curiously.  “Who were you talking to?”</p><p>Sokka gulps.  “The moon.”</p><p>“The moon…?”</p><p>“Yeah.”  His heart calms a fraction, and he returns to his spot on the ground, patting the unoccupied dirt in invitation.  “When I can’t sleep I just like to sit and watch her.  And talk, sometimes.  She’s a really good listener.”</p><p>Zuko settles himself on the ground and looks up, trying to see the night sky through his companion’s eyes. </p><p>“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Sokka asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” agrees Zuko a little uncertainly.  “Um, especially bright tonight.  That’s what woke me up, actually.  It felt like it was shining directly in my eyes.”</p><p>Sokka whips his head around to study Zuko curiously.  “Oh?”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t seem to think there’s anything off about this, his face as unassuming as Sokka’s ever seen it.  “Yeah.  That’s why I decided to walk around.  And then I heard you.”</p><p>Sokka feels a rush of affection towards the Moon Spirit, his heart lifting at the affirmation she had been listening.  <em>Thank you, Yue. </em> “Well, you’ve stumbled upon my secret thinking spot.”</p><p>Zuko immediately falls back on the defensive, already half standing when he says, “I can go if you want, I didn’t mean to disturb-”</p><p>Sokka quickly waves off his concern.  “No, sit down, I didn’t mean- you’re fine.  Seriously.”  He thinks about Toph’s earlier comments on Zuko’s perpetual nerves and finds himself wishing he had her ability to sense things through the earth.  Right now Zuko looks calm enough, but Sokka knows looks can be deceiving.  He’s trying to think of the most delicate way to ask how he's doing when--</p><p>“Hey, can I ask you something?”</p><p>Sokka’s own heart rate picks up.  “Yeah?”</p><p>Zuko shifts uncomfortably.  “Did I do something to offend you?  Besides all the… stuff we’ve already gone over.”  He looks ashamed, an expression that Sokka has seen far too often on his face since he arrived. </p><p>“Uh.  No?  Why would you think that?”</p><p>“Oh.  I don’t know, I just always see you staring at me.  You get this weird look on your face sometimes, and I get if you don’t trust me, but-“</p><p>Sokka interrupts before Zuko can get any more words out, making a mental note to work on his staring habit before it becomes even more embarrassing than it already is.  “It’s not that.  I actually trust you a lot.  Well, I do now, at least.  I’ll be honest, when you first tried to join us I didn’t believe you.  At all.  And so yeah, I got in the habit of watching you to make sure you weren’t gonna turn on us.  For a long time I thought of you as the face of the enemy, because you seemed to show up wherever we went.  You’ve done a lot of stuff that’s hurt people I care about, and that’s hard to just forget.”</p><p>Zuko wilts under his words.  “I know, I-”</p><p>Sokka flaps a hand in his face.  “Wait, wait- let me finish.  What I’m trying to say is the fact that you did all that stuff in the past shows just how much you’ve changed to get to where you are right now.  And honestly, it makes it a lot more meaningful.  I don’t really know much about your life back in the Fire Nation, but I know leaving home is hard.  It takes guts to walk away from everything you’ve ever known, and I really… admire you for that.”</p><p>Zuko blinks.  It’s clear that whatever response he’d been expecting, it wasn’t that.  “Thanks, Sokka,” he says after a long pause.  “That really means a lot.”</p><p>“Well, don’t let it go to your head,” Sokka chuckles. </p><p>The somber mood breaks, and Zuko smiles- a real, relaxed upturn of his lips that immediately softens the normally harsh contours of his face. </p><p>The expression is gone in a second, but not before Sokka commits it to memory and promises himself he’s going to do whatever it takes to see Zuko smile like that again.</p><p>Sokka can feel exhaustion tugging at him in waves, but he can’t bring himself to end this moment just yet.  “Sooo, you and Aang absorbed some ancient firebendy wisdom on your little trip, huh.”</p><p>“It was incredible.”  Zuko speaks excitedly about giant statues and golden flames and fire being alive, and honestly Sokka gets a little lost- focusing more on the way the other boy’s eyes light up as he tells his tale.  As much as Sokka likes angsty-pouty-Zuko or intense-firey-Zuko, this is by far his favorite view of the prince: earnest, excited, unashamed. </p><p>When Zuko finally stops for breath he looks a little sheepish, blinking at his audience like he just now remembers who he’s talking to.  “I’m boring you.”</p><p>“No, not at all,” replies Sokka sincerely.  “I’m not even tired.” </p><p>Not one second later, he yawns so widely something in his jaw pops.  “Well maybe I’m a little tired.”</p><p>“We’ve been out here a while,” Zuko agrees.  They glance upwards, realizing just how far the moon has traveled across the sky.  “We should probably try to get some sleep.  I’ve gotta be up at dawn for training with Aang.”</p><p>They both stand slowly, shaking out stiff limbs and dusty clothes.  The comfortable atmosphere that had descended throughout their conversation starts to dissipate as they head back towards the main part of the temple, replaced by an awkward, stilted silence.  </p><p>Sokka flails for some way to save the moment, getting hit with an idea that’s been lurking in the back of his mind for days.  “Hey, maybe after your firebending with Aang, you and I could get in a little swordbending practice too?”</p><p>Zuko swings his head around to stare at him.  “That’s not a word.”</p><p>“Well, it should be.”</p><p>Zuko rolls his eyes.  “The only thing that sounds dumber than swordbending is jerkbending,” he grumbles, without any real malice. </p><p>“Hey, jerkbending is hilarious, <em>jerk</em>.”  Sokka playfully nudges Zuko’s shoulder, forcing himself not to linger on how surprised Zuko looks at the casual contact.  “So, is that a yes?  I was taught by Master Piandao himself, you know.”</p><p>Zuko’s eyebrow flies up towards his hairline.  “Seriously?”</p><p>“…I’m gonna try to not take offense at the insane amount of disbelief in your voice.“</p><p>“No, I didn’t mean- Piandao was one of my heroes growing up.  He’s partly what inspired me to take up swords in the first place, and I always wished I could train with him as a kid.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you?”</p><p>Zuko’s expression sours.  “My father wanted me to focus on my bending.  He said a proper warrior didn’t need to rely on steel, only fire.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well, guess that’s just another reason that guy is a grade-A pile of seal-fox droppings.”</p><p>Zuko lets out a startled laugh.  “Yeah, add that to a list that’s already a mile long.”</p><p>They reach a split in the corridor; one hall leading back towards the courtyard where the rest of the group is sleeping, the other to Zuko’s solitary room.  Neither makes the move to leave. </p><p>“You know, you’re not so bad to talk to,” Sokka says.</p><p>“Neither are you,” replies Zuko, a little surprise coloring his voice.  “Thanks for letting me crash your secret thinking spot.  I know adjusting to having me in the group isn’t easy, but I really appreciated the stuff you said, about trusting me now.”</p><p>“Well, what are friends for?”  The sentiment falls easily from Sokka’s lips, and he finds he means it wholeheartedly. </p><p>Zuko’s soft look of contentment is back, now accompanied by a faint blush.  Sokka mentally congratulates himself on being the one to put it there. </p><p>“Yeah,” agrees Zuko.  “Friends.  Uh, then I’ll see you tomorrow?  For some swordbending practice.”  He offers a little half smile that warms Sokka right down to his toes. </p><p>“Sounds good,” he manages in response.  Zuko nods almost shyly and finally turns towards his room, disappearing into the shadows further down the hall. </p><p>Sokka lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and stares after Zuko’s retreating form.  “Oh Princess Yue, we’re really in it now…”</p><p> </p><p>Sokka wakes up the next morning thoroughly convinced of two things.  One, he has growing feelings for Zuko that are apparently Spirit World approved, and two, he is absolutely clueless as to how to go about expressing them.  He ponders the dilemma over breakfast, waving off Katara’s concerns about why he’s so quiet as just being tired. </p><p>After breakfast everyone disperses to do their own thing, and for a moment Sokka entertains the idea of barging in on Aang and Zuko’s firebending- purely out of curiosity and absolutely not for the chance to see the latter shirtless, thank you very much.</p><p>But he eventually decides against it, announcing instead that he’s going fishing in the nearby woods.  In reality, Sokka just wants some peace and quiet to think.  He’s not exactly an emotions kind of guy, and despite what he might tell himself, his experiences with dating and flirting are pretty limited.  (Sokka reminds himself there have been more important things going on- namely, a <em>war</em>- and feels a little better.) </p><p>Sokka is good at sarcasm.  Sokka is good at jokes.  Sokka is a master of casual intimacy and platonic touching.  All of these things could easily be translated into interactions of a not-so-platonic nature.  Yet somehow, whenever he tries to come up with anything funny or cool to say his brain shuts off and leaves him rambling incoherent nonsense.  Sokka doesn’t even know if Zuko likes guys, or if this is entirely a case of ice fishing at the wrong seal-fox hole.  Zuko’s never given any indication of a past or current relationship, and despite their newfound friendship, Sokka doesn’t think he would be very receptive to personal questions just yet. </p><p>But hey, Sokka isn’t Team Avatar’s plan guy for nothing.  He’s been responsible for the group’s schedule for months, keeping them on track while also coming up with ideas on the fly of how to get out of the inevitable sticky situations they wind up in.  (He tries not to think about the eclipse and how that plan had gone completely awry.  At this point, Sokka still has more wins than losses- even if the invasion was a pretty big loss.)</p><p>So he reevaluates his strengths and decides to start with the basics: jokes and sarcastic lines.  Sokka knows laughter is the key to anyone’s heart, and what better way to brighten someone’s spirits than use his own signature style of humor?  By the end of the day, Zuko would be falling over himself with laughter. </p><p>Food is also a good way to someone’s heart, Sokka reminds himself as he recalls what his original excuse for wandering away from everyone else had been.  He quickly gathers his fishing pole and hooks from where he’d abandoned them earlier, dropping the line in the river and settling in to wait.  His eyelids begin to droop as the minutes tick on, Sokka feeling the full effects of staying up late the night before.  Just a quick nap couldn’t hurt…</p><p> </p><p>Plan A: Make Zuko Laugh is in full swing by the time Sokka returns to the temple, a solid hour and a half later than he’d planned to be back, with three giant salmon-trout slung over his shoulder. </p><p>“Wow, Sokka, nice fish!” greets Katara. </p><p>Sokka grins, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure Zuko is in hearing range.  “Yeah, I’d call it a REEL CATCH!”  He waits a second for the joke to sink in, pouting when nobody reacts.  “C’mon guys, like fishing reel?  Cuz I caught fish?”</p><p>Toph snorts.  “Yeah, we got it, that’s why we didn’t laugh.”</p><p>“Like you could do better,” grumbles Sokka under his breath. </p><p>“At least it’s not as bad as the time you described your fishing skills as ‘off the hook,’” laughs Katara.  She deftly begins cleaning the salmon, discarding the scales to the side. </p><p>Sokka waves Zuko over to join them.  “Can you get the fire going a little higher?  I was thinking we could do something fancier with the fish than our normal stew.  Not that there’s anything wrong with your cooking!” he quickly adds when Katara shoots him a look. </p><p>Zuko nods and deftly punches a fresh flame into the smoldering embers. </p><p>Thankfully, Katara doesn’t take Sokka’s comment too close to heart.  “Oh, is your alter ego a trained chef now, in addition to a therapist and an army private?”</p><p>“What can I say, Wang Fire is a man of many talents.  Hey Zuko, did I ever tell you about the time I enlisted in the Fire Nation army?”</p><p>“Uh, no.”</p><p>“Well, I thought it’d be a good idea to get the inside scoop on our enemy’s battle plans.  And it was surprisingly easy- turns out they’ll let anybody join up!”</p><p>“Tell it from the beginning, Sokka,” interjects Toph.  “It really started when Aang decided it was a good idea to enroll in a Fire Nation school, and you and Katara ended up playing his parents.”</p><p>“You’re right Toph, the origins of Wang Fire are too good to be ignored.”  Sokka goes on to recount the story in exaggerated detail.  He peppers in as many jokes as he can, subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) peeking at Zuko out of the corner of his eye to see if he’s laughing.  For the most part, he doesn’t seem to be.  In fact, Zuko barely seems to be smiling. </p><p>“You really didn’t think there’d be any repercussions for enlisting in the <em>army</em>?” he asks incredulously at one point.  “How did you think you were going to get away?”</p><p>Sokka shrugs.  “Honestly escaping the base wasn’t that bad.  It just involved scaling a few walls and avoiding some very angry Komodo-rhinos, then sprinting back to the cave where we were hiding out.  Pretty painless, if I do say so myself.”</p><p>“Yeah, except for the part where you accidentally brought an entire army platoon to our front door the next morning,” chortles Toph. </p><p>“That was kind of a mess,” agrees Aang. </p><p>“How did you get away?”</p><p>“Well, Private Fire volunteered to go in and capture the dangerous earth and waterbenders he’d so cleverly tracked into the cave.  And then Toph bent an escape tunnel out the back while the rest of us pretended to fight.”</p><p>“Then once we were out, I collapsed the mouth of the cave so nobody could follow us,” adds Toph.</p><p>A sudden thought occurs to Sokka.  “Huh, I guess this means the Fire Nation Army thinks I’m dead.  Or that Wang Fire is, at least.”  He shrugs.  “Died in valor protecting his nation from some rogue benders.  Not a bad way for a Fire Nation patriot to go out."</p><p>Zuko has a strange look on his face like he doesn’t know whether to laugh or frown. </p><p>All and all, it’s not exactly a promising start to Sokka’s attempts at flirting.  Alright, so maybe his sense of humor might take a little while for Zuko to warm up to.  That’s fine.  Sokka’s already moving on to Plan B: Complimenting Zuko While Bonding Over Some Good Old Fashioned Swordbending. </p><p>Maybe Sokka should've come up with a shorter title, but it doesn't matter now because he's already turning to Zuko and saying, “Alright, while Katara’s handling the fish, how bout you and I work on that sparring we agreed to?”</p><p>Zuko glances quickly at Katara to make sure his help with the food is no longer needed.  “Sure.  Let me grab my swords.”</p><p>They head to an empty courtyard, Sokka chattering mindlessly the entire time.  Neither knows exactly how to start; they both draw their swords and circle each other warily, waiting for the other to make the first move. </p><p>“I’m not gonna to go easy on you,” Sokka says, finally managing to pull a half smirk from Zuko’s lips. </p><p>“I’d be insulted if you did.”  And then he lunges, dual swords flashing in a downwards arc that Sokka quickly deflects.  Their blades meet with a deafening clang that sends tremors down Sokka’s arms and two boys push back and forth, testing each other’s strength.  It’s Sokka who pulls away first, dodging backwards before feinting sharply to the left. </p><p>The attack doesn’t exactly go as anticipated, as his sword is caught by the blade in Zuko’s left hand, the one in his right sweeping towards Sokka’s now open side in a move that sends him scrambling backwards. </p><p>Right.  Zuko’s got two swords.  That seems like something he really should’ve remembered.   </p><p>So Sokka changes tactics, keeping his own moves minimal in an effort to tire his opponent while also searching for a chance to strike.  He plays to his strengths, like Master Piandao had taught him, jumping up the courtyard steps to fight from the higher ground and weaving around various columns. </p><p>They’re more evenly matched than either would like to admit. </p><p>Zuko may have the advantage of two swords and slightly longer arms, but Sokka hasn’t just spent the past two hours training with the Avatar and it’s starting to show.  Zuko’s breathing is getting heavier, sweat visibly running down his face as he presses further.  His original flashy style gives way to a more direct one, just trying to land a hit.</p><p>Sokka grins infuriatingly as he refuses to give his opponent anything, forcing Zuko to chase him around the terrain in a series of defensive maneuvers (no, he is not running away, thank you very much- his retreats are purely tactical.)  After a few long minutes of this, he's finally able to knock one of the blades from Zuko’s hands, sending it skidding along the ground a good fifteen feet away. </p><p>Sokka lets out a yell of victory, sword raised for a final strike when Zuko suddenly drops to the ground and spins, one of his legs tangling between Sokka’s and sending him careening towards the ground.  Never one to go down without a fight, he grabs a fistful of Zuko’s shirt as he falls, both of them collapsing to the ground in a heap.  A stray elbow lands painfully in Sokka’s stomach, pushing the breath from him in a rush that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Zuko’s body is pressed dangerously close to his own. </p><p>The older teen rolls away but stays on the ground, staring up at the sky. </p><p>“Truce,” Sokka grunts once the wind has made it back into his lungs. </p><p>Zuko swipes at his sweaty bangs.  “You know, for someone with only a couple days’ worth of formal training, you’re pretty good with a sword.”</p><p>Sokka glows at the praise.  “Thanks.”  Wait, no- he was supposed to be complimenting Zuko, not the other way around.  Quick, think of something nice to say back.  “It’s pretty impressive how you can handle two at once.”</p><p>…Aaaannd that just sounded dirty.  Sokka blushes, though thankfully he’s already sweaty and red enough from their fight that it’s hidden.  Zuko doesn’t seem to notice. </p><p>“I haven’t always been that good,” he admits.  “Most of the improvement has come in the past year, when I’ve needed to be able to fight without giving away that I’m a firebender.”</p><p>“Makes sense,” agrees Sokka.  Then the implication of what Zuko just said hits him.  “Wait, so you’re entirely self-taught?”</p><p>“More or less,” he admits.  “I studied the theory a little bit when I was younger, but it wasn’t really considered proper for a prince to train with a steel weapon, especially when my bending was pretty dismal.”</p><p>“And now you’re practically a master at that too!  It’s not fair that one guy can have so many skills.”  Sokka’s voice carries no jealousy, despite his words. </p><p>Zuko has a strange expression on his face, eyes narrowed like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. </p><p>“What?” asks Sokka. </p><p>Zuko shrugs, still looking unsure.  “Everyone always said Azula was the better bender.  The fact that she’s two years younger than me but was months ahead in her katas was treated like a shame on our whole family.  Especially my father.” </p><p>“Yeah, but look where you are now.  You’ve faced off against him and escaped, and you’re Aang’s firebending teacher- that’s gotta count for something!  The Avatar only learns from the best.”</p><p>A stony look comes over Zuko’s face.  “I think that has more to do with the fact that I’m one of the few firebenders who isn’t going to try to kill him on sight.”  He sighs, scrubbing a hand through his hair.  “My Uncle would’ve been a much better teacher.  He’s a lot more patient and better at interacting with people and-“</p><p>Sokka cuts him off with a shake of his head.  “Hey, you’ve gotta start giving yourself more credit.  You’re the one who’s here, not your uncle, and I bet there’s tons of stuff you can do that your sister would never even think of.”  He pauses, weighing out his words.  “Look, I know it’s not exactly the same, but after Katara found out she was a waterbender I spent a ton of time feeling like I was second best- especially because she was literally the only bender left in the entire South Pole.  Once we met Aang it was like I was the odd one out, stuck watching from the side while they played with their magic water.  Sure I helped navigate and hunt for food but it didn’t feel like much in the grand scheme of things.  And then we got Toph, the self-proclaimed greatest earthbender in the world.  Sometimes it felt like I was just tagging along, even though they told me otherwise.  Getting my space sword helped a lot, but I think it was more just the realization that I had strengths that I could contribute to the group, even if I couldn’t bend.  And now I’m rambling, but what I’m trying to say is, you’re your own person who deserves to value your achievements outside of the scope of what your sister or father thinks.  You’re a big part of the team and we appreciate having you here.” </p><p>Zuko’s staring at him again like Sokka’s sprouted two heads, both of which are speaking gibberish.  There’s something almost pained in his expression, a sadness behind his eyes that Sokka finds kind of heartbreaking.  For the first time he wonders if he’s overstepped. </p><p>They’re saved from having to say anything more by Katara’s distant voice calling them to wash up before dinner.  Zuko stands without a word, pausing only to offer a hand to help Sokka up as well.  “You’re a good sparring partner,” Zuko says finally.  “We should… do that again some time.” </p><p>Half a step behind him, Sokka breathes a sigh of relief. </p><p>Nothing more is said as they rejoin the rest of the group, but like he’s found himself doing so much lately, Sokka pauses to think. </p><p>To be honest... Plan B hadn't quite gotten the expected result either.  Sure he got a little sappier than expected near the end, rather than the lighthearted compliments he was originally going for, but Zuko’s constant deflection made it hard to know what to say.  Maybe he’s never had someone tell him he’s good at something before without ulterior motive?  Sokka tries not to dwell on the uncomfortable feeling that generates in his stomach. </p><p>On to Plan C: Time To Get Physical.  Not like that!  Just, you know, <em>casually</em>.  Team Avatar is a tactile group, between Aang’s hugs, Toph’s frequent punches, and Sokka’s own tendency to throw his arm around anyone he’s talking to.  The fact that everyone trains together and more often than not ends up sleeping in a massive pile also adds to it.  After traveling the world together for months on end, this kind of interaction was kind of inevitable. </p><p>It’s also painfully obvious that Zuko is not included in that.  He hovers on the edge of the circle at mealtimes, disappears into his own room to sleep, and refuses to touch anyone besides correcting Aang’s firebending form, looking hesitant to even do that much. </p><p>So Sokka takes it upon himself to change that, one casual method of intimacy at a time. </p><p>He starts at dinner, unceremoniously throwing himself down on the ground to Zuko’s right.  He’s sitting a little closer than normal, but if the prince notices he doesn’t react.  Sokka does nothing more than talk like he normally does, gesturing animatedly as he recounts his day.  And if his hands end up a little further into Zuko’s orbit than usual, well, that’s just a lucky coincidence. </p><p>Zuko remains quiet throughout the meal, adding a couple comments here and there when prompted, but he isn’t really in the conversation until Sokka turns to him with a huge grin on his face. </p><p>“-And Zuko and I got in a little training of our own before dinner.”  He gently nudges the other boy’s side with his elbow.  “I totally kicked his butt.”</p><p>“You did not,” protests Zuko.  “You’re the one that hit the ground first!”</p><p>“Yeah, because you <em>tripped</em> me,” complains Sokka.  He pokes Zuko’s shoulder.  “But in terms of actual sword related fighting, I disarmed you first.”</p><p>“Half disarmed me,” grumbles Zuko.  “I still had one sword.”</p><p>Katara and Aang’s eyes are bouncing between the bickering pair like they’re watching a particularly interesting kuai ball match. </p><p>“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, buddy.”  Time for his big move.  Sokka lightly throws his arm over Zuko’s shoulders, not missing the way his muscles tense.  The firebender doesn’t seem to know what to do, sitting frozen under Sokka’s grasp. </p><p>Katara and Aang are openly staring now, and even Toph has her head tilted towards them in interest.  A thoughtful look begins to form on the earthbender’s face.</p><p>“We’ll be having a rematch tomorrow, if anyone wants to come watch.”</p><p>Zuko finally relaxes a little, swatting at Sokka’s arm without any real animosity.  Ok, Sokka thinks, this is progress. </p><p>“Yeah, they can come see me win,” grumbles Zuko.  “Again.”</p><p>The conversation moves on after that and a couple minutes pass before Sokka realizes he still hasn’t removed his arm.  Except now the moment is over and it’s getting kinda awkward.  Would it be worse to remove it now and have somebody notice, or just leave it where it is?  Zuko hasn't said anything about it, so maybe it's better just to stay put.  Sokka's heart rate begins to pick up and suddenly Toph throws him a grin from her spot across the circle.  Why was she- ugh, curse her incredibly fine-tuned senses.  He mentally begs her not to say anything.  The last thing Sokka needs is for Toph to-</p><p>“Getting cozy over there, Snoozles?”</p><p>“I’m just being <em>friendly</em> to my new <em>friend</em>, Toph.”  Sokka lifts the arm that had been sitting around Zuko’s shoulders, moving to jokingly ruffle his hair.  The second that he gets within a few inches of his face, however, Zuko’s own hand darts up and intercepts him, fingers wrapped firmly around Sokka’s wrist. </p><p>“Don’t,” he says.  The relaxed air from a few moments ago is gone, and Sokka quickly pulls his arm back, something troubled churning in his stomach.  He sighs.  And things had seemed like they were going so well…</p><p> </p><p>Sokka is running out of ideas.  So far Zuko seems impervious to his <strike>corny</strike> hilarious jokes and one-liners, responding mainly with blank stares and awkward chuckles.  Sparring had also been fun, and he’s definitely going to feel it in his shoulders tomorrow, but all Sokka really learned about Zuko is that he apparently can’t take a compliment to save his life.  And the attempts to get him more comfortable with casual touches seem like… a work in process. </p><p>It's frustrating, but Sokka isn’t the type to give up so easily.  He’s faced plenty of tough situations before, and knows that sometimes the crazy last ditch effort is the one that actually ends up working. </p><p>So Sokka takes a chance and falls back on the only remaining idea he has: proposing a high-stakes jail break.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>FEB 2021 update: just want to say that while I know I haven't updated in a bit, this story will be finished- I've had to take a break because of work and life in general, but the final chapter is outlined and partially written, and I hope to have it up soon.  </p><p>in the meantime if you're in search of some other atla content, come check out my tumblr <a href="https://maipreciation.tumblr.com/">maipreciation</a>.  you can find some shorter things I've written there, as well as sneak peeks of fics I hope to have out in the future!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ...makes it impossible...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Decided to split the Boiling Rock segment into two parts since it was getting way too long.  Tone is a little different than the last chapter- there's a lot more action to get through and the perspective has shifted to Zuko</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If asked, Zuko would be the first to admit that he doesn’t have a lot of experience with friendship.  Growing up at the palace he’d been surrounded by servants and tutors but not many people his age.  It left him shy and awkward, sending him running to his mother’s side when he could and then to his growing number of secret hideaways within the palace once she was no longer around.  The closest thing to friendship he’d known back then was playing in the gardens with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee- though his sister delighted in constantly reminding him that the latter two girls were <em>her</em> friends, not his.</p><p>The long years at sea hadn’t provided him much opportunity for companionship either.  All of Zuko’s crew members had been decades older than him at least, and most of the time weren’t especially fond of the angsty teenager ordering them around.  Zuko supposes he could have been friends (or more?) with Jet or Jin, if things had worked out a little differently in Ba Sing Se.  Except he’d made his fateful choice and ended up scorning those two relationships before they could really even start- just like he’d turned his back on the one person who’d been his most consistent companion throughout the past few years: Uncle.</p><p>Zuko’s return to the Fire Nation had been accompanied by the rekindling of his relationship with Mai, something that he’d both appreciated and at times struggled to understand.  Despite the fact that their weeks together had been clouded with emotional angst and communication issues from the both of them, there had also been a level of trust and comfort there that allowed him to let his guard down, at least a little.  With Mai, Zuko could pretend to be a normal teenager, with problems no bigger than navigating parties and finding his girlfriend a gift she wouldn’t outright despise (both of which had been harder than anticipated). </p><p>And then he had to go and ruin everything they’d had by turning traitor.  Zuko can’t fathom the idea that Mai would desire anything to do with him after that, much less still want to be friends. </p><p>His initial attempt to join the Avatar is likewise a little rough.  Even once he’d secured a place in the group and days had passed without incident, reactions ranged from coolly cautious to openly hostile.  That is, except for one person.  One person had seemed hellbent on bringing him into the group, no matter what it took.  Which is how, through a variety of overzealous and frankly baffling interactions, Zuko comes to the conclusion that his only actual friend in the world right now is his former adversary, the strange Water Tribe boy who had smacked him upside the head with a boomerang within their first five minutes of meeting at the South Pole. </p><p>Sokka. </p><p>Zuko isn’t the type to assume his place in other people’s lives, but it certainly appears like Sokka is trying his hardest to welcome him in.  Despite the initial wariness and that weird staring habit Sokka seemed to have, he’d been surprisingly nice the past couple of days.  He’d openly expressed how he liked having Zuko as part of the team, invited him into conversations and treated him to the same level of trust that he gave the rest of the group. </p><p>Sokka had even used the word ‘friend’ to describe him more than once- with no apparent ulterior motive.  That counts as pretty definitive proof in Zuko’s book.</p><p>Sokka’s openness had also helped bridge Zuko’s relationships with the rest of the group.  Aang now jokes around like he’s known Zuko for ages, Toph smacks him delightedly on the arm and tells him to stop being a baby when he complains, and even Katara’s verbal jabs have gotten a little more playful.  It’s an unexpected change, but one Zuko fully appreciates.  So much so, that he’s actually beginning to relax and embrace the fact that he’s getting along with people for once. </p><p>And then Sokka just has to go and start digging for information on Fire Nation prisons. </p><p>“Why are you asking?” questions Zuko.  He can see the determination in the Water Tribe boy’s eyes and doesn’t like where this is going. </p><p>“When the invasion plan failed, some of our troops were taken.  I just want to know where they might be.”</p><p>Zuko shakes his head, a sick feeling growing in his stomach.  “You don’t want to know.”</p><p>Sokka grabs his shoulder, like he has been more and more these past few days.  This time, the gesture doesn’t seem quite so friendly.  “It’s my dad.  He was captured too.  I need to know what I put him through.”</p><p>“It’s not good, Sokka.”  At his stubborn look, Zuko relents.  “My guess is… they were taken to the Boiling Rock.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“The highest security prison in the Fire Nation.  It’s on an island in the middle of a boiling lake.  It’s inescapable.”  The words sound harsh even to Zuko’s own ears, but he figures Sokka deserves to know.  He watches the other teen deflate, guilt flickering over his features. </p><p>“So, where is this place?” Sokka asks, a forced casualness in his voice. </p><p>Zuko’s eyes narrow.  “What are you planning?”</p><p>Sokka looks like he’s going to protest for a moment before he sighs.  “I want to rescue my dad.  I know it’s crazy, but-”</p><p>“I get it.”  And he really does, even though a prison break is an objectively terrible idea. </p><p>Zuko knows what it’s like to feel responsible for somebody’s capture, understands the guilt and constant thoughts over the hardships they might be facing.  He’s picturing his Uncle Iroh when the words, “I’m going with you,” slip out of his mouth without a second thought.</p><p>“You’d do that for me?” asks Sokka, his blue eyes wide. </p><p>Zuko crosses his arms a little defensively.  “Well, you were going to ask me along anyway, weren’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” says Sokka.</p><p>Zuko nods like that settles everything, because really, it does.  “When?”</p><p>“Tomorrow night.  I was thinking we can take Appa-“</p><p>Zuko shakes his head.  “Too noticeable.  And there won’t be any place to keep him while we’re there.”  He pauses for a second, thinking.  “We’ll take my war balloon.”</p><p>There’s relatively little else to do once that’s decided, other than wait until the next evening.  They scribble out a note for the others to find, claiming they’re going fishing and will be back in a couple days.    </p><p>Zuko has his doubts that it’ll be that simple (because nothing he does ever seems to work out) but he keeps quiet, knowing that this is something Sokka feels he has to do to regain his honor.  That, at least, is one motivation Zuko can understand. </p><p>They sneak away to his war balloon once everyone is asleep, armed with nothing more than Sokka’s sword and a small amount of food.  It’s quiet as they rise into the air; for once Sokka doesn’t seem inclined to talk.  Zuko appreciates the peace, taking the time just to observe his companion.  Sokka stares over the side of the balloon, looking startlingly exhausted for someone so young.  The absurdity of that thought crosses Zuko’s mind a second later, given the fact that he himself isn’t that much older than Sokka and likely looks worse on any given day.  </p><p>The fire from the balloon’s engine throws strange shadows across Sokka’s face, warping his features into something unfamiliar.  This Sokka doesn’t bear much resemblance to any of the personas Zuko has come to recognize- no evidence of the sarcastic jokester or protective older brother or determined warrior on his face.  He’s troubled, wearing an expression that takes Zuko a second to place.  </p><p><em>Guilt</em>, he registers with a jolt.  It’s an expression Zuko himself has worn often, but on Sokka it just doesn’t look right. </p><p>He suddenly feels the need to say something, but what?  There’s a rush of emotion building within him so overwhelming that Zuko has to look away.  He doesn’t want anything to happen to the other boy, he realizes, not just for Sokka’s own sake but for the sake of the entire group.</p><p>Zuko knows without a doubt that if not for Sokka, the team would immediately fall apart.  He’s the social glue that holds them together and keeps them functioning, sometimes without even realizing what he’s doing.  And if something were to happen to the Water Tribe warrior on this mission… Aang would be devastated, Katara even more so; Zuko recognizes that she loves her brother fiercely, whatever day to day squabbles they might have.  And Toph would crumble- from their interactions, Zuko can tell she’s fond of Sokka, despite the careless front she often puts up. </p><p>As for Zuko himself… well, there’s no denying he owes a lot to Sokka for his help with integrating into the group.  He appreciates every moment of kindness and outreach that the other boy has to offer, and feels indebted to him for his friendship, in a way.  </p><p>Even more than that (and probably more importantly, Zuko realizes) is he simply likes how the other boy makes him feel.  At first, Zuko had instinctively kept his guard up, refusing to let it waver even a fraction- but somehow Sokka had smashed right through all of his defenses with jokes and earnest words and <em>swordbending</em>, of all things.  There’s something in the way Sokka looks at him without judgement that fills Zuko with a hesitant sort of happiness and pride he can’t seem to tamp down. </p><p>Zuko can’t say exactly what this feeling is; it’s different than what he felt with Iroh’s familial warmth or Mai’s subtle affection, different than anything else he’s experienced to this point in his life.  It’s better, fuller, makes him feel more whole than he has in a long time.  And the thought of possibly losing that- and moreover losing the person responsible for it, suddenly seems too horrible to imagine.   </p><p>Zuko decides right then and there that no matter what they face on their mission, he’s not going to let anything happen to Sokka.  His level of conviction is so strong it’s almost frightening, but Zuko has never been the kind of person to feel things by half.  Despite the uncertainty of the coming days he’s reassured, as if something important has fallen into place- though what exactly he cannot say. </p><p>He decides what he's feeling is companionship, though that title doesn’t sit quite right.  Still, he has no other way to categorize it and figures he can think about it more later.  There is one thing he is sure of, however.  Zuko might not have a lot of experience with friendship, but he’s pretty sure it doesn’t usually involve breaking the other person’s dad out of jail.</p><p> </p><p>Zuko always knows when he’s being watched.  It’s a sense he’s honed over the years, one that developed naturally with having a huge scar over a third of his face.  He’s used to dodging inquisitive stares and pitying looks, hates how people act like his burn gives them a free pass to openly gawk.  It’s what had bothered him most about Sokka at first, how Zuko constantly caught him sneaking curious glances when the other boy thought he was distracted. </p><p>He grimaces, bending flames into the balloon’s engine with a little more force than necessary.  While Sokka had mostly explained himself in their late-night chat and made an attempt to tone it down, Zuko still notices him looking far more often than necessary.  And despite the understanding that they’re friends now, he can’t stop the self-conscious thoughts that zing through his brain. </p><p>Zuko might be used to the attention, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.  Especially under circumstances like these.</p><p>He and Sokka have been flying through the night and the better part of the morning, barely exchanging two words since they’d left.  Sokka keeps glancing at him and opening his mouth like he’s about to say something then stops, thinking better of it.  It’s after the third time Zuko catches him that he finally turns, snapping, “What?”</p><p>Panic flares across Sokka’s face.  “Huh?  Uh, I didn’t say anything.”</p><p>“I know, that’s the problem,” grumbles Zuko to himself.  He raises his voice so Sokka can hear.  “If you’ve got something to say, just say it.”</p><p>Their eyes meet and for some reason Sokka looks a little like he’s about to throw up.  Zuko tenses instinctively, waiting for some big revelation, but all the other teen manages to say is, “I was just thinking, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons.”</p><p>Oh.  Zuko doesn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it’s definitely not that.  He eyes Sokka for a second longer before turning back to the engine.  “No kidding.”</p><p>Sokka visibly deflates as Zuko’s attention is pulled away.  “Yup.  A balloon.  But for war.”</p><p>Zuko sighs, because that’s what it always comes back to in the end.  “If there’s one thing my dad’s good at, it’s war,” he finally agrees. </p><p>“Yeah, it seems to run in the family.”  Sokka’s words carry no malice, but Zuko feels the sting all the same. </p><p>“Hey hold on,” he protests.  “Not everyone in my family is like that.”</p><p>Sokka gestures placatingly towards him, waving off his annoyance.  “I know, I know, you’ve changed.”</p><p>Zuko bristles, his annoyance towards Sokka a cover for the deep sense of regret pooling in his stomach.  “I meant my Uncle.  He was more of a father to me.  And I really let him down.”</p><p>Sokka’s studying him again with those unnervingly bright eyes.  “I think your Uncle would be proud of you,” he says seriously.  “Leaving your home to come help us, that’s hard.”</p><p>“Yeah, so you said before,” acknowledges Zuko.  As always, he feels like he doesn’t deserve the praise.  “But honestly, it wasn’t that hard.”</p><p>Sokka leans forward in interest as Zuko looks away.  “Really?”  He wonders why Sokka’s voice has gotten squeaky all of the sudden.  “You didn’t… leave behind anyone you cared about?”</p><p>Memories come flooding back, unbidden, and Zuko tries his best to shove them from his mind.  “Well I did have a girlfriend.  Mai.”</p><p>Something tightens in Sokka’s expression but Zuko misses it, still staring at the ocean below.  When the younger teen speaks, it’s somewhat lacking his normal cheer.  “That gloomy girl who sighs a lot?”</p><p>Zuko can’t help the goofy grin that blooms momentarily on his face.  “Yeah.”  He shakes his head, the happy expression falling.  “It’s complicated.  Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I’m a traitor.  I couldn’t drag her into it.  And she probably hates me now, anyway, since I basically broke up with her through a letter.”</p><p>Sokka blinks at him.  “That… might not have been the best way to do it.”</p><p>Zuko shoots him a halfhearted glare.  “You think I don’t know that?”</p><p>Sokka sits back in the balloon, his expression indiscernible.  “My first girlfriend turned into the moon.”</p><p><em>What?</em>  So when Sokka had told him the moon was a good listener he wasn’t just speaking metaphorically, he really meant… huh.  Ok then.  Zuko vaguely remembers something happening at the North Pole where the moon had temporarily disappeared.  By the time it returned, Zhao had been pulled beneath the waves and Zuko was too preoccupied with getting out of the city to think about what might have happened.  He’d always meant to ask Uncle about it, but things just kept getting in the way. </p><p>Zuko is still trying to work through the details when he realizes Sokka is probably expecting him to say something in response.  But he’s honestly really bad at this sort of thing, so he blurts out the first thought that comes to mind. </p><p>“That’s rough buddy.”</p><p>Zuko groans inwardly.  What in Agni’s name made him say that?  He resists the urge to smack himself on the forehead.  This is gonna be a long trip. </p><p> </p><p>An hour later they crash land on the Boiling Rock (because <em>of course</em> they do- it just adds to Zuko’s staunch believe that the universe enjoys making his life difficult) effectively taking away their means of escape.  It’s all he can do not to scream when Sokka admits he suspected that might happen.  “Uncle always said I never thought things through, but this- this is just crazy!”</p><p>Zuko sees nothing but stoic determination on Sokka’s face and part of him can’t help but admire his resolve, despite the fact that they might have just gotten stuck on an inescapable prison island. </p><p>“Hey, for the record, I always think things through.  But my plans haven’t exactly worked, lately, so this time I’m playing it by ear.”</p><p>Zuko takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.  “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he mutters as they shove the broken remnants of the balloon into the lake.  “There’s no turning back now.”</p><p>They manage to sneak inside during a guard change and snag a pair of uniforms, complete with helmets to cover their faces.  They look a little out of place next to the visibly older and well-muscled guards, but Zuko figures it’s better than nothing. </p><p>“We just need to lay low and find my dad as soon as possible,” says Sokka. </p><p>Zuko’s about to agree when a squadron of guards rushes by.  “There’s a scuffle in the yard, come on!” one yells as they pass.  Sokka and Zuko glance at each other before following.</p><p>They get separated almost immediately, with Sokka singled out to help cart the troublesome prisoner away.  Zuko just barely catches the other boy’s whisper to rendezvous in an hour, and then he’s gone.  He hopes Sokka can uphold his cover, shuddering at the thought of what would happen to either of them if they were discovered.  A variety of possible outcomes runs through his mind, none of them pretty. </p><p>Zuko shakes his head, refocusing on the task at hand.  With Sokka otherwise occupied, he figures the first priority is finding out any intel on war prisoners.  After a few minutes of wandering the stark building, Zuko heads for what he guesses will be the main source of information: the mess hall. </p><p>The second he steps inside, Zuko is hit with a wave of nostalgia so strong it stops him in his tracks.  The scent of Fire Nation food, rich and heavily spiced, wafts straight to his nose and makes his mouth water.  Throughout his travels he’d started to grow accustomed to the blandness of the meals scraped together in the Earth Kingdom and now the typical saltiness of Katara’s cooking.  But he’s never quite been able to give up missing the heat of his homeland’s food. </p><p>The overwhelming smell of Komodo-chicken and pork buns topped with crushed Fire Flakes involuntarily sends him back to his childhood, conjuring scenes of running to the kitchens before dinner to charm the cook into giving him a snack or sneaking extra servings of rice onto Azula’s plate when she complained there wasn’t enough.  The images are bittersweet, like most of his childhood memories. </p><p>Zuko shrugs it off as best he can and joins the buffet line, the promise of familiar food almost enough to override how out of place he feels here. </p><p>Almost, but not quite. </p><p>It’s absolutely surreal to be surrounded by a sea of guards, knowing all of them would turn on Zuko in an instant if they knew who he was.  The mood differs drastically within the mess hall compared to the courtyard outside.  Gone are the harsh scowls and glares that the prisoners are forced to submit to, replaced by friendly expressions and lighthearted chatter.  Zuko hears a loud peal of laughter and flinches, questioning how any happiness can exist in a place like this.  It just doesn’t make sense how these people seem to enjoy their jobs so much- except, knowing the strength of his forefather’s propaganda, it’s honestly not that surprising.  He’s is so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost doesn’t hear a guard from a nearby table calling over to him.  </p><p>“Hey new guy, I know it’s the rule to have your helmet on at all times, but this is the lounge.  Relax.”</p><p>Zuko notices a second too late that just about everyone else in the mess hall has their helmet off.  “But what if there’s an incident?” he asks, scrambling for an excuse.  “If I’m not prepared someone could strike me on the head.”</p><p>The trio of guards laughs, though thankfully no one questions him further.  “Give it a week, he’ll loosen up,” chortles one. </p><p>Zuko slides into a seat at the table, thinking about how to best go about his reconnaissance mission.  “Can the new guy ask you veterans a few questions about the prison?”</p><p>“No, you can’t date the female guards,” says the woman flatly. </p><p>“Trust me, you don’t want to,” responds the man sitting opposite.  The female guard idly chucks her cup at his face, smacking him in the forehead.  </p><p>Zuko is once again thrown by how jovial they all seem.  He swears he saw one of them in the yard earlier, forcibly shoving a prisoner who was moving too slowly.  It’s a stark contrast to the scene in front of him, and there’s something a little disturbing in how nice they appear now.</p><p>“No, that’s not it,” he says once the laughter has died down.  “The Boiling Rock, it holds the Fire Nation’s most dangerous criminals, right?  So what about war prisoners?”</p><p>The guards exchange a look.  “This place is predominantly internal Fire Nation prisoners,” says the man who had originally waved Zuko over.  “Traitors, thieves, people who did something to piss off the Crown directly.  Mostly firebenders, you know, since nowhere else has the number of coolers we do.”</p><p>They all shudder at the thought of being forced into one of those, and Zuko makes a mental note to avoid the coolers at all costs.  “No one from anywhere else?” he presses.  He tries not to let the panicky feeling that’s been lingering since arrival overtake him, though the prospect of Sokka’s dad not even being here has it creeping up towards the surface. </p><p>“There’s a handful of Earth Kingdom soldiers in Block B,” volunteers the woman.  “They got sent here as punishment after a riot at some other prison.”</p><p>The first man rolls his eyes.  “Apparently someone made the mistake of letting them spend their free time out in a yard.  Made of <em>dirt</em>.  What else were they going to do besides riot?”</p><p>“Well all it did was get them stuck here, where everything’s metal.  Nobody’s gonna bend their way out of that.”</p><p>Zuko allows himself one moment to picture the absolute havoc Toph would wreak if she were let anywhere near the metal structure of the Boiling Rock.  He finds it a frighteningly satisfying mental image. </p><p>“Anyone from the Water Tribe?” he asks, trying to keep his tone casual. </p><p>He doesn’t succeed.  The third guard turns to him with a suspicious look on his face.  “Why are you so interested in war prisoners?”</p><p>“I, uh-“  Zuko is struggling for a response when the woman interjects, rolling her eyes once more. </p><p>“Oh lay off the newbie.  You remember what it was like on your first day, all bright and eager and ready to rough up some savages in the name of our great nation.”  She turns to Zuko, a not unkind look on her face.  “Sorry to disappoint, but there aren’t any Water Tribe prisoners here.”</p><p>She keeps talking, but Zuko doesn’t hear a word she says, preoccupied with the sinking feeling in his stomach.  So he and Sokka had launched a misguided rescue mission in the name of honor and friendship, and instead trapped themselves in an inescapable prison.  Great. </p><p> </p><p>Zuko paces the balcony that overlooks the prison yard, mulling over how to break the news of their failure.  He spots a familiar looking figure leaning on a railing a little further down and approaches slowly, making sure he recognizes the person next to him before speaking.  “Hey there, fellow guard,” he begins awkwardly.  “How goes it?”</p><p>The young man raises his visor, revealing bright blue eyes.  “Zuko?”</p><p>Zuko shushes him quickly, glancing around to make sure they’re alone.  He takes a deep breath, knowing the best way to tell Sokka what he’s learned is to just be direct.  “Listen, I asked around.  There aren’t any Water Tribe prisoners.  I’m afraid your father’s not here.”</p><p>Shock floods Sokka’s face.  “What?  Are you sure?”</p><p>Zuko sighs.  “Yeah, I’m sure.”</p><p>Sokka holds his head in despair as he begins to shake, smacking his fist on the railing in frustration.  “No!”</p><p>“I’m really sorry,” says Zuko honestly.  He’s at a loss for what to do. </p><p>“So we came all this way for nothing,” says Sokka, his voice hollow.  “I failed.  Again.”</p><p>Zuko can’t take the dejected look on his face.  He thinks back to Sokka’s kind words and reassurances over the past few weeks and tries to be the same source of comfort to him.  “What would Uncle say?” Zuko muses to himself.  He stares up at the clouds as though they’ll impart some wisdom. </p><p>“Sometimes clouds have two sides, a dark and a light,” he begins unsteadily.  “And there’s a silver lining in between.  It’s like… a silver sandwich.”  Zuko’s brain is screaming at him that this is utter nonsense, but now he’s committed to finishing the metaphor.  “So when life seems hard, just… take a bite out of the silver sandwich!” </p><p>Zuko winces as he ends his sentence, not daring to glance over at Sokka.  His words had been totally ridiculous and he knows it, knows the Water Tribe warrior is probably staring at him like he’s an idiot.  Zuko chances a look out of the corner of his eye, noting with surprise that his friend’s gaze is surprisingly soft. </p><p>“I have no idea what you just said,” says Sokka matter of factly.  Despite the situation, he seems minutely less upset- a fact that Zuko registers with a small burst of pride. </p><p>“Advice isn’t really my strong suit,” he admits. </p><p>Sokka snorts.  “Yeah, I can tell.”  He seems to chew something over and then sighs, pushing himself off the wall to stand closer to Zuko.  “Look, now that this is turning out to be a bust, I’ve gotta be honest.  I didn’t just want you to come with me so we could rescue my dad.”</p><p>“Oh?”  Zuko can’t think of what other motive Sokka might have. </p><p>“Yeah… I know this might sound crazy, but I thought since we were getting along so well lately, this could be a chance for us to…” he trails off, staring intently down at the courtyard below. </p><p>“Sokka?” Zuko prompts, wondering why he stopped. </p><p>Sokka grabs his arm, gesturing down at a figure in dressed in prison reds below.  “Maybe we haven’t failed after all.  That’s Suki!”</p><p>A loud bell tolls somewhere overhead, signaling the end of yard time.  “Prisoners!  Back to your cells!” </p><p>Zuko can just barely make out the girl Sokka had pointed as she stands slowly and walks back into the building.  A confused “huh?” is just leaving his mouth when Sokka tugs excitedly at his arm.  “C’mon!”</p><p> </p><p>Zuko isn’t entirely sure who Suki is, and at this point it’s a little too late to ask.  Sokka speeds off towards the cells the second they get inside, forcing Zuko to jog along to keep up.  He manages to catch a few phrases as the other boy hastily explains, words like “warrior” and “captured” and “giant sea monster” mixed with something incomprehensible about war paint and Sokka learning to fight in a dress. </p><p>It’s not until the phrase “sort of girlfriend” that Zuko slows, raising his eyebrow.  “How’d you manage to get a girlfriend while constantly traveling around the world?”</p><p>Sokka blinks, the light in his eyes dimming slightly.  “Er- well, that’s why I said ‘sort of.’  We haven’t actually spent that much time together.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Anyway,” Sokka shrugs, peering through the slats in various cell doors, “We’re friends, at least.  And I’ve been worried about her- last time we fought your sister she taunted us about her capture.”</p><p>Zuko is about to apologize for the actions of someone related to him for what feels like the millionth time, when Sokka cuts him off with a grin.  “She’s in this one!”  He slips inside the cell and shuts the door behind him without another word, leaving Zuko to hover awkwardly outside. </p><p>“Right,” he mutters to himself as he glances around the empty hallway.  “I’ll just… stand lookout, I guess.” </p><p>Zuko leans lightly against the door, trying to understand this turn of events and why he suddenly feels so uneasy.  It’s not that the idea of Sokka being in a relationship (or sort-of relationship, whatever the situation may be) is that strange; on the way here Sokka had mentioned his first girlfriend turning into the moon, and that admission hadn’t sparked any sort of discomfort. </p><p>If anything, he should be happy for Sokka, happy that their prison break wasn’t turning out a total waste.  Sokka himself is clearly elated; he’d barely been able to contain his excitement as he rushed through the halls searching for Suki’s cell.  So why can’t Zuko share in that feeling?</p><p>His position outside the cell gives him the ability to almost-but-not-quite hear what Sokka and Suki are saying to each other.  For reasons Zuko can’t quite articulate, he’s more curious than he probably should be.  Before he really registers what he’s doing, Zuko angles his good ear towards the slim opening in the door and strains to catch a snippet of conversation.  </p><p>“…glad to see you, Sokka.  I knew you’d come.”  The relief and affection in Suki’s voice are so palpable that he immediately recoils. </p><p><em>Seriously, </em>Zuko thinks, what am I doing?  He resumes his position as lookout, this time slightly further away from the door.  His heart pounds like he’s just been caught intruding on something personal, and Zuko resolves to let them have their privacy.  Whatever Sokka’s relationship status with Suki may be, he deserves to have this reunion without anyone listening in like a creep. </p><p>Still, the strange feeling in Zuko’s gut grows as the minutes stretch on.  He tries to think about other things, useful things like how they’re actually going to escape without getting caught.  But his mind keeps straying to what could be going on in Suki’s cell.  He wonders what in Agni’s name is taking so long- doesn’t Sokka realize that lingering here is dangerous? </p><p>Zuko may not be able to hear what’s happening between Sokka and Suki, but that just makes him start imagining things- and somehow that feels even worse.  He pictures them tearfully embracing, exchanging words of reassurance and happiness and love and- wait, the awful pit in his stomach is <em>jealousy</em>, Zuko realizes with a jolt.  Jealousy at what though?  The chance for a heartfelt reunion with an ex-girlfriend?  Yes, he thinks uneasily, that must be it- after all, he’d just been talking about Mai earlier that morning…</p><p>The approach of another guard disrupts his train of thought.  Zuko knocks lightly on the door behind him, warning Sokka that someone is coming.    </p><p>“’Scuse me, I need to get into that cell.”  The woman’s tone is flat; her bored look partially obscured by her helmet.</p><p>“No, you can’t go in there,” says Zuko.  He glances at the door, making sure Sokka can’t be seen from the outside.  “The lights are out; the prisoner could sneak up on you!”</p><p>The guard frowns at him, clearly not buying his logic.  “Step aside,” she orders.  Her arm reaches out to push Zuko and he lunges automatically, elbowing her up against the wall.  “What the- hey!”</p><p>They grapple for a moment, the woman gaining the upper hand and throwing Zuko to the ground.  He can just barely see Sokka slip through the cell door and quickly begin to stride away, helmet back on and cover intact.  The guard presses harder against Zuko’s lower back and he flips instinctively, yanking one of the woman’s arms behind her and spinning them around.  Unfortunately, this move puts Sokka directly in her line of sight.  </p><p>“Guard, help!” yells the woman as she struggles.  “I think he’s an imposter.  Arrest him!”</p><p>Sokka stands frozen.  In his head Zuko is screaming for him to go along with it- better one of them ends up in a cell than both.  Sokka seems to grasp this as well, because he pulls Zuko off the guard and shoves him on the floor.  “You’re under arrest!” </p><p>He leans close, his breath tickling the back of Zuko’s neck as he whispers, “Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.” </p><p>Zuko clenches his jaw, hoping that he’s right. </p><p> </p><p>Zuko is stripped of his guard uniform, thrown a tattered set of prison clothes to change into, and shoved in an empty cell.  They leave him alone for what feels like hours, with little more to do than wait.  He’s surprised at the lack of fanfare made about his capture, figuring that the discovery of the traitor prince would be cause for a little more commotion.  Zuko at least expects an interrogation about why he’s there, but so far no one has come to see him.  He reasons that maybe no one has recognized him yet (though with his scar, that doesn’t seem too likely) and that they’re ignoring him because they think he’s just some regular criminal unworthy of their time. </p><p>Maybe they’re just leaving him alone to try and make him sweat.  If that’s their intention, it’s working- though Zuko doesn’t want to admit it.</p><p>Whatever the reason he’s been left by himself, it gives him plenty of time to reflect.  This isn’t the first time he’s found himself in a tough situation, far from it actually.  In fact, sneaking into places he doesn’t belong is kind of a habit at this point.  But this is the first time he’s actually been caught outright, without his swords or the anonymity of the Blue Spirit mask to help him out.  It’s incredibly unnerving being exposed like this, if Zuko’s completely honest. </p><p>Of course, he’s not really used to having someone else on the inside with him either.  As far as Zuko knows, Sokka is still wandering around relatively safe in his disguise.  That’s a relief, at least.  Zuko thinks back to the silent promise he made on the way here, that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Sokka.  The full irony of the statement hits him and he resists the urge to groan, wondering how the hell he’s supposed to look out for the other boy while stuck in this stupid cell. </p><p>He wonders where Sokka is right now and can’t help but worry that he’ll do something reckless to blow his cover.  Something like sneaking in to see Suki again.  It’s not that Zuko begrudges them that moment at all, really, but it <em>was</em> the thing that had gotten him caught.  Maybe he’s allowed to be a little resentful (about the fact that he’s in a prison cell and not whatever that weird moment of jealousy was.  Seriously.)</p><p>Zuko has given up pacing and is leaning dismissively against the wall when the door finally opens.  In steps the Warden, a look of cruel satisfaction on his face.  “Well, well, well.  I never thought I’d find you in here, <em>Prince Zuko</em>.” </p><p>“How did you know who I am?”</p><p>The Warden’s eyes narrow.  “How could I not?”  Zuko expects him to point out his scar, but the Warden’s next words come as a shock.  “You broke my niece’s heart.”</p><p>Guilt rushes through Zuko and he quickly stands upright.  “You’re Mai’s uncle?  I never meant to hurt her-“</p><p>“Quiet!” the Warden snaps.  “You’re my special prisoner now.  And you best behave.  If these criminals found out who you are, the traitor prince who let his nation down.  Why, they’d tear you to shreds.”</p><p>Zuko fumes silently, knowing the truth in his words.  “So what’s in it for you?  Why don’t you just tell my father I’m here and collect the reward?”</p><p>The Warden leers, his already harsh features twisting to become even more menacing.  “Oh in due time believe me, I intend to collect.”  He turns without another word, gesturing for the guards to slam the door shut behind him. </p><p>The cell is cloaked in darkness once more.  Despite the older man’s threat, Zuko can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.  His father hasn’t yet been notified of where he is, meaning getting out of this alive is still a possibility. </p><p>He returns his place against the wall, hoping desperately that Sokka has a plan. </p><p> </p><p>The sound of a tray being slid into his cell wakes Zuko the next morning, a rough call of “breakfast!” echoing from outside.  He eyes the meager meal distrustfully, then shrugs and begins to wolf it down.  Whatever this day may bring, Zuko figures it’s better to have a little something in his stomach.</p><p>The door slides open a little while later and Zuko falls in line with the other prisoners as they march towards the lower levels.  He keeps his head down, glancing around for Sokka or Suki as discreetly as possible.  He doesn’t see them, but thankfully no one else seems to recognize him either. </p><p>A guard shoves a mop into his hands, pointing towards a section of the floor and turning away without another word.  Zuko begins to clean; he doesn’t know what else to do.  After a few minutes, he a female prisoner falls in sync beside him silently.  “Hey, you’re-“</p><p>She shakes her head, shushing him and nodding towards the imposing figures lining the walls.  The guards don’t seem too interested in any small talk between the prisoners, but Zuko falls quiet anyway.  It’s another couple of minutes before a uniformed figure joins them. </p><p>“Oh good, you guys have met,” says Sokka. </p><p>Suki tenses.  “Actually, we met a long time ago.”</p><p>“We did?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she says, her voice tinged with undisguised animosity.  “You kind of burned down my village.”</p><p>Zuko winces, shame coursing through him.  He quickly runs through a list of places he’d been in the past year but can’t place this girl specifically.  Thankfully, he has enough presence of mind not to ask, ‘which village was yours again?’ </p><p>Out of the corner of his eye he can see Sokka smacking himself in the forehead.  </p><p>“Sorry about that,” says Zuko awkwardly.  “Uh, it’s nice to see you again.”</p><p>Suki huffs in response but doesn’t say anything more. </p><p>Zuko can’t help but watch the body language between her and Sokka, wondering if he’s reading things right.  He might not be the most relationship savvy, but there’s definitely some distance there…</p><p>Before he can contemplate further, Sokka pulls them into a hidden corner beneath a stairwell.  Though his expression is grim, his eyes hold an excited spark and Zuko can’t help but feel a surge of hope for their chances at escape.  He listens raptly as Sokka begins to explain. </p><p>“Ok, I think I have a plan.  I got the idea yesterday, when I was guarding that guy in one of the coolers.  The whole point of them is to keep firebenders contained, right?”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“So, they’re completely insulated to keep the cold in.  Which means they have to keep the heat out!”  His face falls a fraction when it’s clear the other two don’t follow his logic.  “It’s a perfect boat for getting through the boiling water!”</p><p>Zuko shares a skeptical look with Suki.  “The cooler as a boat?  Are you sure?”  </p><p>Sokka nods.  “I’m telling you, it’ll work.  I walked around the perimeter.  There’s a blind spot between two guard towers that’ll be the perfect launching point.  We’ll just roll the cooler into the water and float with the current- it’ll take us straight across.  As long as we don’t make a sound, no one will notice.”</p><p>Zuko considers.  Everything Sokka proposes seems to make sense, but there’s one question lingering in his mind.  Suki beats him to it, asking, “But how are you going to get the cooler out?”</p><p>“Yeah,” echoes a deep voice.  “How are you going to get the cooler out?”</p><p>The trio tenses as another prisoner hops over the stair railing, landing crouched in front of them. </p><p>“What?” protests Sokka.  Panic is evident in his tone.  “We didn’t- we didn’t say that!”</p><p>“Yeah,” says Zuko, trying to hold it together, “you heard wrong.”</p><p>The prisoner’s eyes narrow.  “I heard you hatching an escape plan and I want in.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to get in on,” insists Zuko.  He can feel Sokka twitching with nervous energy next to him and silently wills the other boy not to say anything that will give them away. </p><p>“Yeah, the only thing we’re hatching is… an egg?”  Sokka’s voice turns up questioningly at the end of his phrase. </p><p>Zuko sighs.  For all of Sokka’s talk about being able to make up cover stories on the fly, this is apparently not one of those times. </p><p>The older prisoner snorts.  “Ok, well, how about I come with you or the Warden hears about this <em>egg</em> too.”</p><p>“I guess we have no choice,” says Suki. </p><p>Sokka frowns.  “Fine, you’re in.  Now first we need someone to unbolt the cooler.  From the inside.”  He turns to Zuko, holding out a wrench.  Zuko pockets it with a dark look, knowing that part isn’t going to be particularly pleasant. </p><p>The other prisoner, whom they learn is named Chit Sang, smiles grimly at them as he speaks.  “Oh, I can get you inside.” </p><p> </p><p>It’s a little annoying just how easy it is to get sent to the cooler.  Zuko and Chit Sang shove exaggeratedly at each other, escalating the fight to the point that a crowd of interested prisoners form a circle around them and begin to jeer.  The teenager inhales and punches a jet of flame towards Chit Sang’s feet.  The older man leaps easily out of the way, but the guard response is immediate.  Zuko is hauled away, and Chit Sang melts back into the crowd of onlookers with Sokka and Suki.</p><p>The guards say nothing as they walk, shoving Zuko unceremoniously into a cooler and shutting the double layered door with an ominous sort of finality.  The cold steals his breath the second he’s inside.  Ice worms its way into his lungs and seeps up through the soles of his flimsy prison shoes, causing him to shiver down to his very core.</p><p>Whatever Zuko imagined the cooler would feel like, this is ten times worse.  He hasn’t felt temperatures like this since his misadventures at the Northern Water Tribe, where he’d been surrounded by snow literally as far as the eye could see.  His breath hitches harshly in his chest.  For a moment Zuko feels like he’s once again trapped under the ice- only this time, there’s no clever trick to melt his way out. </p><p>His shoulders begin to shake, both from the cold and the panic that threatens to overtake him.  Zuko wraps his arms around himself tightly, closing his eyes as he wills his heart rate to return to normal.  He’s survived worse, a voice that sounds suspiciously like his Uncle reminds him.  He’ll survive this too. </p><p>Zuko inhales deeply, fighting through the icy feeling in his chest.  His heart begins to calm as he connects to his chi, nourishing his inner flame like Iroh had taught him so many months before.  Zuko pictures a fire in the pit of his stomach rising in time with his breathing, feeds it until he can practically feel flames licking up the back of his throat.  The tremors running through his body finally subside, and Zuko opens his eyes.</p><p>The bolts he’s supposed to unscrew aren’t hard to find, spaced along the cooler walls at varying intervals.  Actually removing them, however, is far easier said than done.  The cold metal is stubborn and creaks painfully with every turn of his wrench.  On top of that it <em>hurts</em>; Zuko’s hands sting every time they graze the icy wall, and before long his knuckles are cracked and bloody.  He grits his teeth and keeps going.  Zuko knows that too much is riding on this for him to stop because of a little discomfort.  Their bid for freedom depends on him- moreover, <em>Sokka</em> is counting on him to pull through.</p><p>And pull through he does.  When Zuko’s task is finished, he carefully gathers the loose bolts in his tunic, holding the frigid metal away from his body as he crouches.  There’s nothing more to do but wait. </p><p>What could have been minutes or hours pass before the door slides open once more.  “I can take you back to your cell if you’ve learned your lesson,” says Sokka. </p><p>Zuko tilts his head up to look at him and exhales a small jet of flame from his mouth.  His lips quirk up into a lopsided smirk.  “Yes, I have,” he says.  He shows Sokka the assortment of metal stashed in his tunic, missing how the other boy’s eyes linger on his face rather than the product of his labor.  “Completely.”</p><p>“Good.”  Sokka leans in conspiratorially, lifting his visor as he whispers.  “I got Suki and Chit Sang out of their cells a few minutes ago.  They’ll be waiting for us at the shore.”</p><p>Zuko is about to respond when he tenses, hearing footsteps echoing down the metal hallway.  “Someone’s coming!” </p><p>He yanks Sokka into the cooler with him and pulls the door almost completely shut.  As they huddle in the cramped space, Zuko is suddenly aware of how the entire length of his right side is pressed firmly to Sokka’s left.  The latter teen shivers at the contact. </p><p>“Sorry,” whispers Zuko in response.  “I know it’s cold-”</p><p>“It’s not that,” mutters Sokka.  His cheeks are tinted just the slightest pink and he’s staring determinedly straight ahead.  He sounds flustered, though Zuko can’t understand why.  “You know, I was thinking, there’s this thing I was gonna tell you before-”</p><p>“Shh!”</p><p>The pair of guards he’d heard earlier passes their hiding place, chatting amicably to each other.  Their voices drift into the cooler where Zuko and Sokka crouch with bated breath.  “Yeah, new arrivals coming in at dawn,” says one. </p><p>“Anybody interesting?”</p><p>“Nah, just the usual.  Some robbers, a couple traitors, some war prisoners…”</p><p>Zuko looks over at Sokka, wide blue eyes meeting his own.  “War prisoners,” he says softly.  “That could be your father.”</p><p>A conflicted look rushes over Sokka’s face.  “I know.”</p><p>“Well, what should we do?  Are we going ahead with the plan or are we waiting another night?”  Zuko’s instincts are screaming at them to stick to their original strategy, but he knows this is Sokka’s mission.  He has to leave the choice up to him. </p><p>Sokka looks lost.  “I don’t know.”  His gaze searches Zuko’s face, as though he somehow holds all the answers.  “Is it right for me to risk all of our freedom on the slim chance that my dad is gonna show up?”</p><p>Zuko swallows down his apprehension.  Sure, the logical thing to do would be to get out now while they still can.  But after everything Sokka had done for him and the ways he’d proven himself time and time again, Zuko knows the other boy deserves his support.  And almost startlingly, he finds himself more than willing to follow whatever Sokka decides.  “I trust you Sokka.  It’s your call.” </p><p>Sokka closes his eyes.  “Ok,” he exhales slowly.  “First things first- it’s not just the two of us anymore.  Suki and Chit Sang are waiting.  No matter what we came here to do initially, we have to give them the chance to escape, now.  And that starts with getting this cooler down to the shore.”</p><p>Maneuvering a large heavy cylinder with no obvious hand holds is difficult enough.  Doing it while sneaking out of an echoey metal prison, where every clank and groan is amplified tenfold and threatens to expose their escape is even worse.  Zuko cringes with every scrape of steel on steel, sure that a squadron of guards will catch them at any moment.  It’s a small miracle that they make it outside without alerting anyone and finally roll the cooler down the hill to meet Suki and Chit Sang. </p><p>“Took you guys long enough,” the older man grumbles.  He points to two new people sitting near the shore.  “This is my girl and my best buddy.  They’re coming too.”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t know how the addition of two more people will affect their plan, and he glances at Sokka for any sign of disagreement.  Sokka’s expression doesn’t waver.  He just sets his jaw and nods, gesturing at the makeshift boat.  “Fine, everybody in the cooler.  Let’s go.”</p><p>He bends to gather the supplies he’d hidden amongst the rocks upon arrival.  Zuko supposes he should be happy that Sokka’s decided to leave now, but the tightness in his shoulders spurs him to speak. </p><p>“Are you sure you want to go?” Zuko asks softly.  “You’re the one who said you wanted to redeem yourself.  Redeem your honor.  Rescuing your dad is your chance.”</p><p>Suki turns to look at them, a concerned look of surprise on her face.  “Your dad?”</p><p>Zuko glances at her, confused.  Wouldn’t Sokka have told her their reason for coming to the prison in the first place?  Or maybe there just hadn’t been time.    </p><p>Sokka remains crouched on the ground, staring down at the supplies in his hands as though he hadn’t heard either of them.  When he finally meets Zuko’s gaze, there’s a desperate sort of anguish in his eyes.  “If I had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess.  Maybe sometimes it’s just better to call it quits before you fail.”</p><p>Something painful flares in Zuko’s chest.  Sokka’s words remind him forcefully of his own shortcomings, the seemingly endless number of times he’d wanted to give up before managing to end up here.  He thinks of Sokka’s creativity and enthusiasm, of Katara’s brave spirit, and wonders what the man who raised them is like.  But mostly, he pictures Sokka’s face only a few nights before, achingly guilty yet grimly determined to save his dad. </p><p>Zuko makes up his mind. </p><p>He ignores any logic or wise sounding proverbs Uncle would favor, instead saying exactly what he feels in his heart.  “No, it’s not better.  Look Sokka, you’re going to fail a lot before things work out.”</p><p>“That’s supposed to help?”  Sokka slings his bag over his shoulder and turns towards the boat.</p><p>Despite the unfavorable reaction, Zuko presses on.  “Even though you’ll probably fail over and over and over again-”</p><p>“Seriously, not helping.”</p><p>Zuko reaches out to grab Sokka’s shoulder, wheeling him around so they’re face to face.  “-you have to try every time.  You can’t quit because you’re afraid you <em>might</em> fail.” </p><p>Blue eyes lock on gold.  Sokka’s lower lip trembles, his mouth opening to say something before closing once again. </p><p>“Sokka?” prompts Zuko as the seconds tick on. </p><p>“Zuko, I-“</p><p>“Hey, if you two are done cuddling, can we get a move on?”  Chit Sang’s voice cuts across whatever Sokka’s about to say, startling Zuko into taking a step back.</p><p>“No, I’m staying,” decides Sokka finally.  He glances gratefully between Suki and Zuko, his eyes resting on the latter.  “You guys go.  Seriously,” he turns to Suki and adds, “you’ve been here long enough.”</p><p>She smiles softly, squeezing the hand Sokka had placed on her shoulder.  “I’m not leaving without you.”</p><p>“Me neither,” says Zuko.  “I’m seeing this through.”</p><p>“Not me,” says Chit Sang as he gives the cooler a shove and jumps in.  The trio remaining on the island watches in silence as the boat floats towards the distant shore. </p><p>“We just gave up our only chance of escaping,” murmurs Sokka.  “I hope we haven’t made a huge mistake.”</p><p> </p><p>Sneaking back into the prison undetected takes even longer than getting out, and it’s past dawn by the time Zuko, Sokka, and Suki are once again within the familiar walls.  They slip into the crowd of prisoners already milling about the yard and huddle together in a secluded corner.  No one spares them a second glance.</p><p>Zuko is exhausted.  The adrenaline that had accompanied their escape attempt and subsequent decision to stay has long since worn off, leaving him weary and wondering if they made the right choice.  He thinks back to his conversation with Sokka, realizing there is something he’d forgotten from earlier. </p><p>“Hey, Sokka?” he asks, pulling the other boy from his thoughts.  “When we were in the cooler, and then again down by the lake, you seemed like you had something important you wanted to say.”</p><p>“Huh?” squawks Sokka nervously.  “Oh, that?  Uh, I just…”</p><p>He trails off.  Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko notices Suki watching them with interest. </p><p>Sokka makes another attempt.  “I was just trying to say-”</p><p>Alarm bells suddenly ring out, uniformed men and women rushing into the yard from all sides.  Whatever Sokka is about to say gets lost in the imminent chaos.  “Everybody back to your cells!” shouts a guard as he brandishes a fire whip.  “This is a lockdown!”</p><p>“The escape attempt,” gasps Suki, “they must’ve been caught!”</p><p>Zuko shields his eyes to stare up at the main tower.  “And the gondola of new prisoners is about to arrive.”</p><p>“C’mon,” says Sokka, flipping down the visor on his helmet.  “We need to see who’s on that gondola.”  He hurries off, Zuko and Suki automatically following. </p><p>They rush up an adjacent tower and find a relatively hidden balcony with a clear line of sight to the landing deck. </p><p>“This is it,” murmurs Sokka as Zuko and Suki move to flank him on either side.  “If my dad’s not here, we risked everything for nothing.” </p><p>He’s trembling in anticipation, shoulder knocking haphazardly into Zuko’s as they wait with bated breath.  Like before when they were huddled together in the cooler, Zuko becomes intensely aware of just how closely he’s pressed to the other boy.  Sokka’s fingers twitch nervously against his own and Zuko fights back the sudden urge to grab his hand, instead clenching his fist.</p><p>Sokka doesn’t seem to notice, fully focused on the prisoners filing out of the gondola.  “Come on, come on,” he mutters under his breath. </p><p>“Is that him?” Zuko asks as the first man appears.  He looks nothing like Sokka or Katara, though Zuko figures the Water Tribe siblings could take more after their mother. </p><p>Sokka almost sounds like he’s about to laugh, despite the tension.  “My dad doesn’t have a nose ring.”</p><p>Zuko shrugs, watching closely as more and more men step into the lineup.  What appears to be the last prisoner steps out, his hair pulled back into a distinctly Fire Nation top knot.  </p><p>“That’s it?  That can’t be it.”  Sokka slumps forward in defeat.  This time Zuko doesn’t hesitate to reach for him, placing a comforting hand on his back.</p><p>“I’m sorry Sokka,” says Suki quietly. </p><p>“No, I’m sorry,” he responds.  “I got you both stuck here, and-”</p><p>“Wait,” says Zuko, still watching the gondola.  “Who’s that?”  One final man steps forward, and even from this distance Zuko can catch a flash of bright blue eyes. </p><p>Sokka’s own eyes widen, the tiniest of smiles growing on his face.  He leans forward as though he can’t believe what he’s seeing, and when he speaks it’s with a soft tone of wonder that Zuko has never before heard him use. </p><p>“Dad.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ...not to stare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Time for the Boiling Rock part 2, plus a slightly ridiculous amount of words dedicated to the immediate aftermath… For real though I love this chapter but the latter half of it just did not want to be written.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sokka rushes off to his father without a second thought, leaving Zuko and Suki alone on the balcony.  What should be a triumphant moment is lost amidst a steadily growing tension, as both parties eye each other skeptically.  It’s clear they’re unsure of how to act without the presence of Sokka as a friendly buffer. </p><p>Suki stares openly at Zuko, who tries not to shrink under her calculating gaze.  He struggles to come up with something to say, any attempt at cordial conversation dying before it can make its way out of his mouth. </p><p>Unsurprisingly, Suki breaks the silence first.  “You and Sokka seem… close.”  Her measured tone hints at something deeper, almost an accusation. </p><p>“We’re friends,” replies Zuko honestly, bypassing any deeper meaning in her words.  “Sokka can be really persistent when it comes to getting to know people.”</p><p>Suki nods, her cool expression unwavering.  “Is that how he roped you into coming here?”</p><p>“No actually, I volunteered.”</p><p>“Oh.”  Disbelief clouds Suki’s tone.</p><p>“I know,” agrees Zuko, shaking his head.  “It seems kinda crazy.  But Sokka’s been really-” he pauses, searching for a word that appropriately sums up his impression of their mutual friend and giving up almost immediately, “- really nice.  Nicer than I deserve, anyway.  I couldn’t let him launch a jail break on his own.  He was planning on taking Appa, for spirits’ sake.”</p><p>Suki’s lips twitch.  “That does sound like Sokka.”</p><p>Her expression is just inviting enough to prompt a hesitant smile from Zuko in return.  Momentary warmth blooms in his chest, followed by the familiar pang of shame.  He thinks he should be used to apologizing for his past actions by now, but it never gets any easier. </p><p>Zuko bows his head, hoping his sincerity is properly conveyed.  “I really am sorry about burning your village.”</p><p>The last degree of harshness softens out of Suki’s gaze. </p><p>“We rebuilt,” she says after a lengthy pause.  “And I guess… you could have done worse.  A lot of Fire Nation soldiers would’ve stayed and burned the place to the ground.”</p><p>Zuko looks away.  “I was only after the Avatar.  It would have been dishonorable to take it out on your village, any more than I already had.”  The words ring hollow in his own ears despite the truth they contain. </p><p>He pauses, trying to make sense of the conflicted thoughts swirling through his head.  “It still wasn’t right.”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t,” agrees Suki evenly.  She gazes out over the empty yard, thoughts lost in a place thousands of miles away from their dismal prison.  For a split second her expression is indescribably, heart-wrenchingly sad. </p><p>And then the look is gone.  Zuko wonders how long it’s been since she’s last set foot in her homeland. </p><p>“It’s kind of funny,” says Suki, her eyes still glued to something- <em>somewhere</em> Zuko can’t see.  “Kyoshi managed to stay out of the war for a hundred years.  You were the first firebender on our island in living memory, and you only stayed for about ten minutes.  But ten minutes was all it took to set the entire main street ablaze.  Ten minutes to teach a new generation of kids to live in fear of fire.”  She turns her head to look at him fully, eyes smoldering. </p><p>“A century of isolation and relative peace, undone just like that.”</p><p>Zuko stays quiet.  He’s unsure of whether Suki expects him to comment, though he guesses she’s saying these things simply because they need to be said, not to garner another apology.</p><p>“Two weeks after you left, I let the girls vote whether they wanted to stay on our island or go do what we could to end the war.  Every single one of them said they wanted to go.”  Suki blinks heavily, though no tears fall from her eyes.  “I’d never been so proud of them in my life.”</p><p>Zuko is afraid to ask, but the question spills from his lips before he can stop it.  “Where are they now?”</p><p>“I don’t know.  They divided us up when we got captured.  I was the only one sent here.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s not your fault.”  Her tone is steady; Zuko can tell that she means it. </p><p>“Still.”  There are things he wants to say to her but has no idea how to articulate.  After all, how does one apologize for months of mistreatment at the hands of his own nation?  </p><p>At least Suki doesn’t seem the type to hold a grudge.  The Kyoshi warrior has relaxed since the beginning of their conversation, and now regards her companion with a somewhat pacified gaze.  Despite the relative misfortune of their current situation, a hesitant sort of hope is building within Zuko’s chest.  It’s a feeling he’s been experiencing a lot lately and is almost desperate to hold on to, despite (or maybe due to?) its unfamiliarity.  </p><p>Forgiveness, like friendship, is not a concept Zuko knows well.</p><p>“I’m glad we found you here,” he says finally.  “Sokka told me a lot about you.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t know how to take the surprise in Suki’s voice and backpedals slightly.  “Well, I mean, he seemed really excited when he found out you were here.  He told me all about how you first met.  I couldn’t really follow everything he was saying but it sounded… like a fun time.”  If you could consider getting tied to a pole and threatened with death by Unagi a fun time.  Knowing Sokka’s sense of humor, that probably wasn’t much of a stretch. </p><p>“Anyway, I’m glad you two have the chance to get back together now.”</p><p>Suki’s eyebrows quirk upwards.  “It is good to see Sokka,” she agrees, a note of hesitation in her voice.  She shoots Zuko a discerning look out of the corner of her eye.  “But being apart for so long is hard.  I feel like we’ve missed so much of each other’s lives, not that we even spent that much time together in the first place.  I’m glad he’s here, but we’re not getting together again, I don’t think.”</p><p>“Oh,” says Zuko eloquently.  He doesn’t know how to respond, isn’t even sure why she’s telling him about this in such detail.  A weird swooping warmth fills his stomach, accompanied by an odd twinge of satisfaction he can’t quite understand.  Like before with his inexplicable jealousy at Sokka and Suki’s reunion, Zuko now realizes he’s <em>happy</em> that they aren’t together. </p><p>Now why would he react like that? </p><p>Within the short time Zuko has known her, Suki had shown herself to be an earnest, brave, capable young woman- all traits that would clearly mesh well with Sokka.  The two warriors have obvious history, and chemistry, and a strong level of mutual respect- all factors that could lead to a strong relationship.  If it were any other couple, Zuko thinks he’d be on board wholeheartedly.  But for some reason the pair isn’t getting back together, and Zuko feels a little like a bad friend for being so absurdly happy about it. </p><p>He can’t help but wonder what Sokka thinks of the entire thing.  Is he ok with this this turn of events?  He and Suki were forced apart more by circumstance than any problem between them, so what had changed?  Why wouldn’t they rekindle their relationship now that they’re happily reunited? </p><p>And why in Agni’s name does Zuko care so much?</p><p>His circuitous thoughts are interrupted by Suki’s cautious voice.  “You know, when Sokka likes somebody… he’s not exactly the best at showing it.”</p><p>Zuko is about to ask her what exactly she means, when a harsh yell startles them both. </p><p>“Hey, you two!” </p><p>Suki and Zuko jump.  A guard glares at them from an adjacent tower, fire already gathering at his fists.  “All prisoners were ordered to go back their cells!  Don’t you know this is a lockdown?”</p><p>He starts across the metal bridge that connects his platform to theirs, but Zuko has no intentions of getting punished again. </p><p>“Run!”</p><p>The pair takes off, sprinting through the mercifully empty hallways towards their cells.  They part ways with nothing more than a terse nod, slipping into their individual rooms just as the guard arrives, looking around for the two troublemakers.  Zuko holds his breath as the guard stomps by, only releasing it once he’s sure the man has given up looking.  He sinks onto his thin sleeping mat, for once grateful to be back inside the tiny windowless room. </p><p>Zuko tries to stay awake and think of an escape plan, but it’s a losing battle.  His mind buzzes uselessly in circles, disrupting any coherent ideas he might come up with.  The exhaustion from earlier returns in full force, and it’s not long before Zuko is (finally) asleep. </p><p> </p><p>He wakes a couple hours later to a familiar whisper at his door.  “Zuko, are you there?”</p><p>He quickly rubs the sleep out of his eyes and peeks through the slot in his door.  “I’m here.”</p><p>“I just got done talking to my dad.”  Even speaking in a murmur, Zuko can’t miss the obvious joy in Sokka’s tone.  “We came up with an escape plan together.”</p><p>Zuko is about to ask for more details when an accusatory voice sounds from the hallway behind Sokka.  “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Zuko spies two guards with their arms crossed and mouths set in a grim line.  His pulse quickens.  The man who chased him and Suki must’ve figured out which cell was his, or he’d been implicated in the failed escape attempt, or maybe the Warden had decided to alert his father of where he was after all, or-</p><p>Sokka slips into the cell, gesturing for Zuko to grab his sleeping pad from the floor.  “We don’t have much time,” he whispers.  “They think I’m here to beat you up.” </p><p>Zuko lets out a few unconvincing grunts of pain as Sokka hits the rolled-up mat, absorbing the hushed plan details between blows.  “We came up with a way out but it’s gonna need a big distraction.  Be in the yard in one hour.”</p><p>Any follow-up questions Zuko has are put on hold as the guards burst in.  They each grab one of his arms and begin to haul him away, a stream of protests falling automatically from his lips.  He can feel Sokka’s worried stare on his back right up until he’s yanked around a corner.</p><p>“Where are you taking me?” Zuko demands as he’s dragged up a flight of stairs and pushed roughly into a new cell.  He stumbles slightly, banging his knee on the singular piece of furniture inside: a heavy wooden chair.  “I didn’t do anything wrong!”</p><p>“Come on, Zuko,” drawls a voice from the far corner of the room.  Zuko’s blood turns to ice, his heart lurching painfully in recognition.  “We all know that’s a lie.”</p><p>A familiar silhouette steps out of the shadows, the dim light of the cell highlighting narrowed eyes and the sharp downturn of a mouth.  Despite the horrible swirl of emotions coursing through him, Zuko can’t deny that some small part of his heart is happy to see who it is. </p><p>It’s also uncomfortably clear that he’s alone in that sentiment.</p><p>“Mai.”</p><p>Zuko’s ex stares at him impassively for what feels like an age, finally nodding towards the chair in the center of the room.  “Sit.”</p><p>He sits.  Zuko has a hundred questions he wants to ask, like how things have been since he left and what she’s been up to and whether anyone else- namely, his sister or father- has been told of his location.  But he settles on what feels most pressing at the moment.  “How did you know I was here?”</p><p>Mai huffs a sharp breath through her nose, a gesture of anger Zuko has come to recognize as her version of seething with rage.  “Because I know you so well.”</p><p>For a fleeting second Zuko wonders if that’s true, if he’s become so predictable that Mai can guess where he is at any given moment.  Then he remembers this trip wasn’t even his idea in the first place, and there’s no way she could have known.  “But… how?”</p><p>“The Warden’s my uncle, you idiot.”</p><p>Zuko groans, bringing his hand to his forehead.  Of course, the Warden hadn’t wanted to turn him over to Ozai immediately, instead giving his distraught niece the chance to confront him first.  No wonder the man had looked so smug.</p><p>“The truth is, I guess I don’t know you.  All I get is a letter?  You could have at least looked me in the eye when you ripped out my heart.”  Mai’s tone doesn’t waver, and Zuko flinches back at the sharpness of her words. </p><p>“I didn’t mean to-”</p><p>“You didn’t mean to?”  She reaches into her sleeve and Zuko tenses, expecting a knife.  Instead she unfurls a worn parchment scroll, beginning to read.  “<em>Dear Mai, I’m sorry that you have to find out this way, but I’m leaving.</em>”</p><p>“Stop!”  Zuko can’t stand to have these words- his own sentences he’d agonized over for hours that fateful day- thrown back into his face.  A familiar anger is beginning to bubble within him, overpowering the surprise of seeing Mai and the guilt at hurting her feelings. </p><p>“This isn’t about you,” he insists, trying to make her understand.  “It’s about the Fire Nation.”</p><p>He winces as Mai’s face darkens further, knowing his words had the opposite of intended effect.  </p><p>“Thanks Zuko,” she scoffs, “that makes me feel all better.”</p><p>It’s not surprising when the letter smacks him upside the head.  Mai has a tendency to throw things when angry, and all things considered, Zuko much prefers getting hit with a scroll than one of her knives. </p><p>The worn paper lands open at his feet.  Zuko stares down at his shaky handwriting and forces himself to reread the words he’d spent the past few weeks trying to forget, now feeling the full force of them anew.  It’s different than he remembers; the sentences are stilted, impersonal, his intent not quite surviving the journey from his brain to the page. </p><p>What must’ve been going through Mai’s mind when she first read it?  Zuko imagines her all alone in her giant house, parents and brother a continent away and only a handful of servants for company.  Did she rage around her lavish room, tear down the portrait of the two of them and furiously launch knives into the walls?  Or did she fall silent, retreat behind the mask of indifference she wore like armor and fall asleep between silk sheets without a word?</p><p>He can’t imagine that she would have shed a tear.  In all their days together, both as kids and their recent time as a couple, Zuko had never seen Mai cry. </p><p>Reading his own characters spelling out a final goodbye reignites his conviction.  Zuko stands, unflinching as he meets Mai’s gaze.  “I’m sorry I ended things the way I did.  And I never wanted to hurt you.  But I have to do this to save my country.”</p><p>Emotion flickers over Mai’s face then disappears before Zuko can identify it.  “Save it?  You’re <em>betraying</em> your country.”</p><p>“That’s not the way I see it.”  Despite coming to terms with the fact that he’s a traitor and most of his nation likely sees him as an embarrassment, a failure, or actively wants him dead, Mai’s words still sting.  Part of Zuko wants to call her out, ask when she’d become such a patriot; his girlfriend did little to disguise the fact that she hated Fire Nation politics and Zuko can’t recall her ever expressing much opinion on the war either way.  </p><p>Then again, the causes he knows Mai to actively support are few and far between. </p><p>“You could’ve had everything you ever wanted.”  For the first time throughout their conversation, Mai’s voice holds something other than contempt.  Her tone is unfamiliar to Zuko- she sounds genuinely hurt and more than a little lost.  “Your home, your honor, the respect of your nation-”</p><p>“None of that turned out to be what I thought it was,” he interrupts.</p><p>“-<em>me</em>.” </p><p>Zuko reels back at the undisguised hurt on Mai’s face.  Gone is the impassive frown, replaced by a steely gaze that feels like it’s burning into his very soul.  He’s never seen her like this- even when they’d argued on their trip to the beach Mai’s anger had been different, still tempered by lingering traces of her usual apathy. </p><p>“It’s not just that you left,” she continues, her low voice crackling with emotion.  “You left <em>again</em>.  You left me behind, <em>again</em>.  With a letter!  You didn’t even give me the chance to say anything to you.  Did I really mean that little?” </p><p>“No!” Zuko shouts.  Whatever complications there had been between him and Mai, however twisted his feelings were towards her and towards what she represented of his homeland- Zuko can’t deny the connection between them.  “Do you think leaving was easy?  That saying goodbye in person would’ve made it hurt any less?”</p><p>Mai closes her eyes.  When she reopens them a moment later, all trace of vulnerability is gone from her face, mask fully in place once more. </p><p>Zuko wilts, his anger rushing out of him in a second.  He takes a hesitant step towards her, then two back.  What could he even do at this point?  He knows in his heart that the conversation is over and there is nothing more to say between them- at least nothing that the other would be willing to hear. </p><p>A guard rushes in, saving Zuko from his indecision.  “Ma’am, there’s a riot going on.  I’m here to protect you.”</p><p>Mai’s look of contempt could’ve vaporized the man on the spot.  “I don’t need any protection.”</p><p>Despite everything that had and had not just been said between them, Zuko can’t help the little laugh that escapes from his lips.  “Believe me, she doesn’t.”</p><p>The guard ignores him and advances anyway.  “I’m sorry, I’m under direct orders from your Uncle to make sure nothing happens.”</p><p>The reality of the situation comes rushing back to Zuko- their new plan for escape, Sokka’s whispered instructions that there would be a big distraction in an hour.  Had it been that long already?  Zuko needs to get to the yard, and fast.  He trusts Sokka to wait for him, but if the other boy were forced to choose between saving his father and Suki or waiting for his friend… well, Zuko doesn’t really want to think about that. </p><p>He seizes his chance and firebends at the floor, banking on the guard to shield Mai rather than pursue him.  Zuko’s instincts are confirmed as the man dives in front of her, pushing her back towards the wall. </p><p>It gives him just enough time to shut the cell door in Mai’s face.  Her eyes meet his through the metal slot, wordless anger at Zuko’s final act of betrayal shining in her glare.  He wants to say <em>something, </em>one final apology or reassurance or goodbye, but nothing feels quite right.  Instead he stays silent, blinks hard one last time, and takes off down the hall. </p><p>Zuko shoves the last hour out of his mind; he’ll have many sleepless nights ahead to stew over everything that had happened, he’s sure.  For now he needs to focus on the task at hand: escaping the Boiling Rock. </p><p> </p><p>The yard is in absolute chaos when he arrives.  Everywhere Zuko looks is filled with wrestling inmates and guards desperately trying to subdue them.  He has no idea where to find Sokka and the others, but he has to hand it to them- if Sokka wanted a distraction he’d certainly gotten one.  Maybe they’d actually manage to pull off their escape after all. </p><p>Zuko spots a lone person in uniform not wrangling any prisoners and figures that has to be his friend.  He rushes over, deftly sidestepping a passing guard that tries to grab him. </p><p>“Zuko!”  Relief washes over Sokka’s face at the sight of him.  “Good, we’re all here.  Now all we need to do is grab the Warden and get to the gondola.”</p><p>He says it so decisively that Zuko almost refrains from asking his next question.  Almost.  “How do we do that?”</p><p>Sokka blinks almost comically between their position in the yard and the Warden glaring down from two stories above.  “I’m not sure.”</p><p>Zuko groans, mentally taking back any optimistic thought he’d previously had.  “I thought you thought this through!”</p><p>“I thought you told me it’s ok not to think everything through!”  Hysteria bubbles in Sokka’s tone, only adding to Zuko’s mounting panic.</p><p>“When did I say that?” he asks, throwing up his arms.  “And anyway, this is kind of important!”</p><p> “Uh, fellas?”  The boys stop their argument and look to where Chit Sang wordlessly points.</p><p>Zuko can barely comprehend what he’s seeing.  One moment, Suki had been standing with them, the next she’s running over the top of the riot, leaping off a large man’s head, and scaling the side of the main tower like she’s been training for this her entire life. </p><p>Actually, the more Zuko thinks about it, that’s probably not that far out of the question. </p><p>The sight of Suki’s quick ascent spurs the remaining four into action.  Their journey across the yard is much less graceful than hers, relying mostly on Chit Sang’s brute strength to shove brawling prisoners out of their path.  By the time they race up the stairs to meet their teammate and the newly captured Warden, all four of the men are out of breath.</p><p>“Let’s get out of here!”  Suki is grinning triumphantly, barely winded.</p><p>“That’s some girl,” mutters Hakoda appreciatively. </p><p>“You said it,” agrees Sokka, his admiration clear. </p><p>Zuko doesn’t know why the obvious approval in Sokka’s voice makes his heart clench in annoyance.  He and Sokka are friends, but really, there’s no need for him to be so territorial over the other boy, right?  Sokka is allowed to compliment anyone he likes and realistically, Zuko has no grounds for protest.  Zuko files this away with the other absurd emotions he’s been having lately, figuring he can deal with them later.  That is, if they manage to escape.</p><p>“Head for the gondola!”</p><p>Chit Sang hoists the Warden over his shoulder as they run, Zuko in the lead while Sokka and his father bring up the rear.  A small squadron of guards bends at them the second they appear on the platform, and Zuko rushes forward to intercept their fire.  “Back off,” he growls, not lowering his fists, “we’ve got the Warden.”</p><p>A tense second passes before the guards straighten out of their stances.  They reluctantly let the escapees by, looking uncertainly at their boss’s prone figure.  Everyone runs into the gondola except Zuko, who heads for the controls.  A quick pull of a lever sets the cables in motion, but their next problem is immediately obvious.  Without anyone to stay behind and defend the controls, the guards would have no problem stopping the lines and trapping them over the boiling water.  They’d be nothing more than sitting turtleducks, their entire escape attempt in vain. </p><p>Zuko kicks the metal, grunting at the dull pain that ricochets up his leg.  One good hit should be enough to get it stuck in its current position, but the lever proves more stubborn than anticipated.  His chances for survival shrink with every passing second; Zuko can sense the guards approaching from one side as the gondola moves farther and farther away on the other.  He funnels his desperation into one final kick- and the metal snaps. </p><p>Zuko turns and runs, not a moment too soon.  Bursts of fire whiz by as he reaches the end of the platform and jumps, sailing through the open air.  For one heart stopping instant he thinks he’s misjudged the distance, that the gondola is moving too fast and after all this he’s about to meet a painful watery doom-</p><p>And then a hand catches his arm, solid and reassuring.  Sokka hauls Zuko into the gondola, staring at him with a wide-eyed look of horror.  “Don’t <em>do</em> that!”</p><p>“Sorry,” says Zuko.  He can feel his heart pounding in his ears, and as Zuko calms he begins to register Sokka’s painfully tight grasp on his hands.  “I was trying to make sure they can’t stop us.”</p><p>Sokka’s expression softens just a fraction, though the worry doesn’t leave his eyes.  “Warn a guy next time, ok?  I couldn’t stand it if…”  He trails off for what feels like the millionth time in the past couple of days. </p><p>Zuko blames the adrenaline still coursing through him, but he can’t help the question that falls out of his mouth.  “Seriously, what is it?” </p><p>“What’s what?” asks Sokka.  The look on his face says he knows exactly what Zuko is asking about. </p><p>“Since we got here you keep starting to say something but then you don’t and then you get this look on your face like- I don’t know!”  Zuko’s voice comes out louder than expected, startling them both.  He glances around self-consciously.  Crouched with Sokka in the corner of the gondola it’s surprisingly easy to forget that they’re not alone, despite the fact that Sokka’s dad, not-girlfriend, and two relative strangers are just a few feet away. </p><p>Sokka swallows hard, sheepish acknowledgement crossing his face.  “Right.  Yeah, I know I keep doing that, and I’m sorry.  In my defense, the past few days have been kinda busy.  But I know I owe you an explanation.  How about we make it out of this alive first, and then we can talk?”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>Their moment of peace is short lived. </p><p>“We’ve got trouble.”  Suki points out the window at two small figures heading their way: one clad in maroon and gold armor, the other various shades of pink. </p><p>“Ready for a rematch?” asks Zuko grimly.  The Kyoshi warrior doesn’t respond, just hoists herself out the window and onto the roof.</p><p>He’s about to follow when Sokka catches his arm.  “Zuko.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Don’t do anything crazy- you’ve already given me enough heart attacks today.”  Sokka’s tone is light, but the tightness of his grip betrays his true worry. </p><p>Zuko ignores the strange leaping sensation in his stomach and also pretends he doesn’t see the way Hakoda is watching them interact, head cocked to the side with an interested look on his face.  Instead he offers Sokka a crooked smile that doesn’t quite match their current situation.  “No promises.”</p><p> </p><p>Zuko firmly acknowledges that fighting Azula under any circumstance is terrifying.  They’ve had their fair share of scuffles throughout the years, ranging from clumsy grudge matches as kids to the more recent, much deadlier encounters.  At this point Zuko pretty much believes he’s seen it all- but even he has to admit, facing Azula on a swaying metal box over a boiling lake is an entirely new level of crazy. </p><p>He loses track of Suki and Ty Lee almost immediately, entirely focused on deflecting the blue flames that rush towards him and responding with fire of his own.  It’s the first time since his fieldtrip to the dragons that he’s had the chance to test his bending in combat, and Zuko is pleased with how easily his element responds to his every move.  For once while facing his sister he doesn’t feel completely on the defensive, and that observation encourages him to try increasingly daring attacks. </p><p>Of course, Zuko has more to worry about than just himself.  He’s hyperaware of Sokka’s presence, and the fact that the swordsman has no means of redirecting the deadly jets of heat being sent their way.  Not that anyone would be able to tell by the way Sokka is moving; he’s precise and unafraid, fully trusting Zuko to take care of any fire thrown his way. </p><p>The boys fall into an easy rhythm as they fight.  Zuko counters Azula’s flames, Sokka lunges in for a well-timed jab with his sword.  It’s uncanny how well they work together, despite having never trained this way before.  Zuko would almost say his sister is struggling, the constant change of fighting styles keeping her off balance as they trade blows.  Honestly things are going <em>too</em> well, and the cynical part of Zuko’s brain is just waiting for something to go wrong. </p><p>Disaster comes in the form of the Warden’s yell from within the gondola.  “Cut the lines!” </p><p>His words are followed by the sounds of a brief scuffle beneath their feet, but the conflict on top of the gondola doesn’t pause.  Would the guards listen to the Warden and allow them all to plunge to their deaths?  It’s a terrifying thought, one that Zuko doesn’t have time to contemplate now.  Instead he continues to press Azula, forcing her closer and closer to the edge. </p><p>He senses his sister’s frustration growing, sees the glint in her eye and the shifting of her feet a split second before she strikes- not aimed at him as expected, but at Sokka, standing a few paces away and frighteningly exposed.  Zuko reacts instinctively, shoving the other boy down and dissolving the blast across his outstretched arms.  Azula goes in for another strike but suddenly they both stumble, the metal swaying dangerously beneath their feet.  Another huge tremor rocks the gondola as it grinds to a halt, leaving them all struggling for balance. </p><p>An anxious cry pierces the air, and Zuko turns as if in slow motion.  Panic seizes him as he sees Sokka sliding towards the edge of the rocking gondola, hand scrabbling helplessly over the smooth metal.  His eyes widen- this is exactly the kind of thing he swore he’d protect Sokka from- and Zuko launches himself across the roof towards the other boy. </p><p>In almost a mirror image of how he’d been saved before, Zuko catches hold of Sokka’s arm and hauls him back to safety. </p><p>“Thanks,” Sokka says breathlessly. </p><p>“And you told me not to give you a heart attack,” grumbles Zuko. </p><p>Sokka responds with a sheepish grin, his next words cut off by Ty Lee’s frantic shout from above.  “They’re about to cut the line!”</p><p>Zuko whips around to look at the main tower.  From this distance, he can just make out the glint of a giant blade as it saws through the cables.  He shares a rare instant of panic with his sister, who looks torn between horror at their imminent doom and rage at the fact that the guards would dare endanger their princess.  Then her gaze fixes on another gondola approaching from the opposite direction and she smirks, cold control returning to her face. </p><p>“Then it’s time to leave.”  Azula launches herself onto the oncoming car in a cloud of blue flames, landing as Ty Lee flips neatly across the divide to join her.  “Goodbye Zuko.”</p><p>He can’t help but stare after the two girls- one his actual flesh and blood sister and the other someone he thought he knew well- as they both abandon them to die.  For a brief moment, Zuko wonders where it all went wrong. </p><p>“C’mon,” says Suki, swinging back into the gondola.  The boys follow her, moving to stand in the middle of the cabin with Hakoda. </p><p>“What do we do?” asks the older man.</p><p>Sokka looks around helplessly.  “Hope this thing floats?”</p><p>Zuko is about to morbidly point out that a metal box with six people in it is not at all likely to float- when a shudder runs beneath their feet.  He braces for the inevitable drop but instead of plunging to their deaths, the gondola safely resumes its journey along the cables.</p><p>Sokka rushes to the window to see what had saved them.  Zuko, Suki, Hakoda, and Chit Sang crowd behind him, all straining for a look. </p><p>“Who is that?” Sokka yelps.  They all stare at a figure in red who appears surrounded on all sides, disabling wave after wave of guards with expert precision. </p><p>Zuko’s eyes widen in disbelief as he recognizes the familiar flash of knives.  “It’s Mai!” </p><p>For a split second she turns as though she’d sensed him calling her name.  Zuko can feel her piercing gaze all the way across the lake and stares back, immobile.  His heart thunders in his ears and he opens his mouth as if to say something, though he knows she’s much too far away to hear.  It doesn’t matter.  Everything Mai could’ve said- that she didn’t or wouldn’t let herself say before- is conveyed in that one look.</p><p>Then another guard runs at her and Mai launches herself out of the way.  The tension is broken. </p><p>The gondola climbs the last few feet of cable and stops.  After a couple harrowing days, they’d finally made it out of the Boiling Rock.  But Zuko can’t move, too consumed with questions about Mai’s sudden appearance.  Not even an hour ago they’d been arguing, both steadfastly set on not understanding each other.  She’d accused him of betraying their country and now was doing the very same thing, risking everything- including the immediate wrath of Azula- to give them a chance to get away. </p><p>Zuko is grateful to be alive, of course, but he also can’t help feeling like someone had just punched him in the gut.</p><p>“Zuko, we have to go!”  Sokka is staring at him with an urgent expression on his face.  Zuko looks around and realizes they’re the only ones left in the gondola. </p><p>“But- Mai, she-”  He tries to articulate the current conflict happening inside of him and finds he can’t.</p><p>“She’s helping us escape!” says Sokka harshly.  “Don’t invalidate what she’s doing by waiting around and getting caught!”  His face is pleading, and it’s the anguish in Sokka’s eyes that eventually forces Zuko to turn.  He lets Sokka pull him to where everyone else (save the Warden, who’d been hurriedly tossed in the dirt by Chit Sang) is waiting.   </p><p>“Ok, now what?” asks Suki. </p><p>“My sister was on that island,” says Zuko, still a little numb.  </p><p>“Yeah, and she’s probably right behind us,” agrees Sokka.  The undertone of ‘so we’d better keep moving’ is clear without needing to be said. </p><p>“No,” Zuko responds, shaking his head for some much-needed clarity.  “I mean she must have come here somehow.” </p><p>He runs to the crest of the hill, pointing down at a giant airship tethered below.  “There.  That’s our way out of here.”</p><p> </p><p>Sokka takes to the zeppelin’s controls like a turtleduck to water, expertly flipping switches and pulling levers as though he’d been born to operate a giant airship.  Zuko watches as he interacts seamlessly with Hakoda and Suki, gently helping them adjust their course back to the Western Air Temple.  Their joy is palpable- at times almost painfully so- but Zuko can’t begrudge them for being happy. </p><p>He also can’t help but feel a little like an outsider looking in on something he’s unable to understand.  At one point Hakoda puts his hand on Sokka’s shoulder and squeezes tight, beaming down at his son with overwhelming warmth.  Sokka returns the look with such unbridled <em>love</em> that something inside Zuko breaks.  He feels like he can’t breathe, the cabin suddenly stifling.  Standing abruptly, Zuko mumbles an excuse about helping Chit Sang with the engines and leaves the control room as quickly as he can without running. </p><p>He doesn’t see Sokka turn to watch him go, or the meaningful look that Hakoda exchanges with Suki behind his son’s back. </p><p>Chit Sang is already covered in sweat and coal dust when Zuko arrives in the engine room.  The older man explains how to feed the boilers and keep their temperatures controlled, then flops down for a much-needed rest while Zuko takes over. </p><p>It’s intense work, shoveling coal and regulating multiple fires at once, but Zuko is grateful.  The more he focuses on the whoosh of the flames and the strain of his muscles, the less he can think about Sokka, or Hakoda, or his sister, or Mai, or how Mai had saved them knowing she had no way off the island, how he’d just left her there to face Azula-</p><p>Well, so much for not thinking about it. </p><p>Zuko takes a steadying breath, wiping the sweat off his brow.  He leans heavily against his shovel, stiffening as he senses someone’s eyes on him.  He turns and sure enough, Chit Sang is watching him work with mild curiosity. </p><p>The older man holds his gaze, unabashed at being caught.  “You’re really the Prince?” </p><p>Zuko nods, not trusting himself to speak. </p><p>A thoughtful expression falls over the other man’s weathered face.  “You’re different than I expected.”</p><p>Zuko, unsure of that’s a good or bad thing, returns to shoveling coal without a word.  After a moment, Chit Sang joins him. </p><p>The older prisoner (or, ex-prisoner now) doesn’t seem inclined to say anything more, which Zuko appreciates.  He does, however, whistle- an old Fire Nation folk song that stirs something deep in the recesses of Zuko’s memories.  He wonders how Chit Sang had ended up in the Boiling Rock in the first place, whether he’d been nothing more than a common thief or someone far more dangerous.  He certainly knows his way around an airship, hinting at some kind of military experience.  But it’s not Zuko’s place to ask, so he stays quiet.</p><p>Hours pass in comfortable silence before an exaggerated voice echoes over the tinny speakers, startling them both into looking up. </p><p>“Ahem, attention ladies and gents, this is your captain speaking.”  Zuko’s lips twitch up involuntarily; Sokka sounds like he’s having the time of his life.  “We ask that everyone report to the control room ASAP, as we are nearing the Western Air Temple.  Estimated time of arrival is ten minutes, and we hope you enjoyed flying with us today.”</p><p>“Air temple?” asks Chit Sang. </p><p>Zuko winces, suddenly remembering that they’d never actually explained to their newest team member where they were going.  He hopes the other man won’t freak out- after all, breaking out of jail is one thing, but hanging out with the Fire Nation’s sworn enemy is another matter entirely.  “Uh, yeah.  That’s where the rest of our group is.” </p><p>There’s an expectant pause. </p><p>“We’re traveling with the Avatar.”  Zuko waits for some kind of negative reaction and is pleasantly surprised when Chit Sang just shrugs. </p><p>“Figured it was something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>The problem with arriving home in the middle of the night via giant stolen enemy warship is that your friends may accidently think they’re under attack.  At least, that’s what Zuko realizes when giant ice spikes start raining towards them the second they’re within sight of the temple. </p><p>Sokka manages to locate the external speaker before Katara can do any real damage.  “It’s us!” he shouts, voice magnified a hundred times outside the zeppelin.  “It’s Sokka and Zuko!  Friends!  Please don’t shoot us out of the sky!”</p><p>The attack ceases immediately, and they manage to dock the airship underneath the temple’s main spire without any further incident.  Aang, Katara, and Toph run to meet them with varying levels of confusion on their faces. </p><p>Their surprise turns into full blown shock as Suki emerges, followed by Hakoda and a grinning Chit Sang.  </p><p>“Where- how-?”  Katara can’t even get a full sentence out before she launches herself at her dad, burying her teary face in his chest. </p><p>“Hi, Katara.”  Hakoda’s voice is thick as he pulls back to look at his daughter. </p><p>“I don’t understand,” she says, glancing around the group.  “Where did you go?”</p><p>“We… kinda went to a Fire Nation prison,” says Sokka. </p><p>Katara’s face flickers between exasperation and joy.  With a watery smile she grabs her brother’s arm, yanking him into a family hug.  Hakoda wraps an arm around each child and quietly bows his head. </p><p>It’s a happy moment, one that Zuko wishes he could fully appreciate.  But his chest is aching for reasons he can’t quite understand, and if he’s completely honest, Zuko just wants to be alone.  Taking one last look at the peaceful scene, he slips away into the dark, unnoticed.</p><p>Zuko doesn’t head anywhere in particular, just wanders for the sake of putting some distance between himself and the others.  But before long he finds himself at a familiar ledge- Sokka’s thinking spot he’d stumbled upon the week before.  Zuko settles down in the dirt, guessing this is as good a place as any to try and sort himself out.</p><p>Unlike his chaotic thoughts the night is quiet and peaceful; an ethereal glow bathes the ridge in silvery light.  Zuko stares up at the sky, wondering if the Moon Spirit is as good of a listener as Sokka claimed. </p><p>Even if she isn’t, it can’t hurt to say what’s on his mind, right?</p><p>Zuko clears his throat.  “Hello… Moon Spirit.” </p><p>The words hang awkwardly in the still night air.  Zuko winces, feeling foolish, but something prompts him to try again.  “Um, I hope you’re doing well tonight.”</p><p>An encounter with an otherworldly being demands the utmost respect, right?  He racks his brain for any other spirit-related etiquette, coming up painfully empty.  Zuko hopes the moon will excuse his awkward fumbling- after all, she’d once been a teenager too.  Maybe she remembered what it felt like to have too many emotions and not enough words to express them.  Or maybe that all went away when she ascended into the sky, fused with a timeless spirit.  Honestly, Zuko’s never put much thought into that kind of thing.</p><p>The moon continues to shine, unchanging. </p><p>He eventually gives up on the formalities.  Zuko’s fingers trace idle patterns in the dirt, flames and waves building on top of each other in an unending pattern.</p><p>“I guess I’ll just talk then, if that’s ok with you.  I don’t even know if you’re there, but Sokka says you’re a great listener.  And if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few days, it’s that I can rely on Sokka.”  Zuko’s lips twist into a smile in spite of himself.  “He’s pretty great, isn’t he?  Well, I guess I don’t need to tell you that.  You got to know him way earlier than I did.  Back then, I was still just the angry jerk.  I’m… lucky to be able to call him a friend now, all things considered.”</p><p>Zuko sighs, his dusty hands halting their movement.  “But I guess it’s not that surprising that he found a way to forgive me.  He’s just so… <em>good</em>.  Genuinely kind and brave and smart in a way that not a lot of people I know are.  He’s a much better person than I am, anyway.”</p><p>Zuko pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly.  “Sokka wouldn’t have left anyone behind.” </p><p>And there’s the heart of the matter. </p><p>Zuko just can’t get over his last image of Mai, blades whirling through the air as she took down guard after guard to help him escape.  He’d spent the entire journey back to the temple imagining what sorts of punishments Azula would inflict upon her, each more horrifying than the last.  Zuko knows that the choice to save him was ultimately hers, but the thought that he’d been even partially responsible for putting Mai in that position in the first place is enough to make him sick. </p><p>“All I wanted was to keep Mai safe!  I thought that even if she hated me, that was better than her ending up a traitor, in jail or worse.  And despite everything, that’s exactly where she is now.”</p><p>The volume of his own voice startles him.  Zuko takes a shaky breath to re-center himself, forehead falling to his knees.  “Sokka heard one guess about where his father might be and broke into the most notorious prison in the Fire Nation for him without a second thought.  He managed to make it home not just with his dad, but two extra people we picked up along the way.  Me on the other hand?” </p><p>Zuko huffs out a bitter laugh. </p><p>“I couldn’t even bust my Uncle out of jail.  By the time I realized that was the right thing to do, he’d already freed himself without my help.  And I’m trying to be happy for Sokka, really.  He did something amazing, and he deserves to be happy.  But every time I see him and Katara with their dad it’s like I’m being hit with all the things I’ve lost."</p><p>His mind drifts away from Iroh to a more troubling place.  Images flash through Zuko’s mind in quick succession: his sister watching coldly as she leaves him to die on the gondola, his father’s cruel smirk just before attempting to shoot him full of lightning. </p><p>An older memory surfaces, more visceral.  Zuko feels cold marble against his knees, senses the hazy rush of an onlooking crowd and the fiery silhouette of a man looming over him. </p><p>
  <em>Rise and fight, Prince Zuko.</em>
</p><p>A hand strays to his scar involuntarily.  “Maybe I’m seeing something I never even had in the first place.”</p><p>Zuko sighs, his anger draining out of him as quickly as it had come.  A long moment passes, silence punctuated only by the intermittent chirping of cricketmoths in the trees around him. </p><p>When he finally speaks again, his tone is subdued.  “People keep saying I’m doing the right thing.  Telling me how hard it must have been to leave home or how brave I am for changing sides.  But no matter what they say, I can’t help but feel like I don’t deserve their praise.  I want to fix the wrongs that I’ve done in my life, and the pain my family and nation inflicted on the world.  I want to be good.  But it seems like no matter what I do, people still end up getting hurt!  I don’t want… I can’t let that to happen to- to anyone else.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Zuko says eventually, lifting his head to stare up at the moon.  “This probably isn’t what you expected to hear.”</p><p>He waits for some kind of response.  Zuko doesn’t know what he thought would happen, if some mystical being might descend from the sky or what.  He’d anticipated some form of acknowledgement at least, but the night continues unaltered.  Zuko’s only companions are the wind whistling through the temple and the distant croak of badgerfrogs in the forest below. </p><p>“Figures,” he sighs.  The moon probably has better things to do than listen to his troubles.  Exhaustion returns in a wave, and Zuko once again rests his head on his knees.</p><p>Despite the uncomfortable position, he’s is already halfway to unconsciousness a few moments later.  Approaching footsteps force Zuko to blink awake quickly but he doesn’t move, recognizing immediately who it is. </p><p>“Hey,” says Sokka softly.  He sounds surprised and a little concerned to find Zuko almost asleep so far from the temple.  “You kinda disappeared back there.  Everyone was wondering where you went.”</p><p>Zuko is pretty that by everyone, Sokka just means himself.  But it’s still nice of him to say.  “You all seemed happy.  I didn’t want to interrupt.”</p><p>Sokka appears to turn this over in his head before settling down on the ground.  His shoulder nudges Zuko’s bicep amicably then stays there, pressed lightly into his arm.  He doesn’t seem to think anything of it, but Zuko is startled- not by the physical contact itself, but by how natural it feels.  He wonders how he’d managed to miss when this kind of interaction had become the norm for them, but has to admit it feels nice.</p><p>“I <em>am</em> happy,” Sokka says after a moment.  “Things went right, for once.  We rescued Dad, and Suki… even Chit Sang seems pretty cool.  I can’t ask for anything more.  And I wanted to say thank you.  I couldn’t have done it without you.”</p><p>Zuko shrugs.  “You were the brains behind the entire thing, I was just along for the ride.  And besides, it’s the least I could do.  After everything…”</p><p>Sokka cuts him off, shaking his head.  “Man, you’ve gotta stop all this- being so down on yourself, all the time.  It’s just not- look, don’t you get that you’re part of the team now?  We like having you here.  <em>I</em> like having you here.  That was the whole point of the- I mean, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you this entire time!”</p><p>Sokka’s sentences overlap almost incoherently, but a key phrase sticks out to Zuko.  He starts to protest that he’s not <em>down on himself all the time</em>, thank you very much, but Sokka stops him with a look.</p><p>“You are,” he insists.  He raises his eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the mood.  “Seriously, the amount of brooding I’ve seen you do?  It doesn’t seem very princely, if you ask me.”</p><p>There’s a long pause as Zuko struggles to come up with a response.  “Well I am a traitor,” he manages eventually.  “That kinda leaves my status as royalty up in the air.”</p><p>Sokka ignores his comment.  “What are you doing out here anyway?”</p><p>“I was just thinking.”</p><p>“You mean <em>brooding</em>?”  </p><p>Zuko doesn’t even have to look at Sokka to sense his grin.  He sighs, shooting the other boy a halfhearted glare.  Ok fine, he did walk right into that one.  And yes, Zuko can admit that what he’d been doing probably fit the definition of brooding quite well.  Could anybody really blame him though?  It’s the only way he knows how to work through things, at least now that angry firebending is off the table.</p><p>He can’t think of anything to say in response to Sokka, whose smile drops when he realizes that Zuko is actually upset.  “What’s on your mind?”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t know where to begin.  Part of him thinks that if he opens his mouth now, he’ll end up dumping three years’ worth of angst on his unsuspecting audience.  And as nice as Sokka has been, Zuko is pretty sure even he wouldn’t want to unpack all that.</p><p>“Is it Mai?” prompts Sokka carefully. </p><p>Zuko blinks in surprise.  He knows the other teen is perceptive, but didn’t realize his troubles were that obvious. </p><p>“You seemed really… upset at the end, when she helped us get away,” Sokka offers as an explanation. </p><p>The back of Zuko’s throat feels painfully tight.  “I was, I mean I still am upset.  I just can’t believe she saved us- <em>me</em>, after everything… and then we just left her behind.  I know we had to get out of there, but…”</p><p>He trails off, trying to order his thoughts in a way Sokka will understand. </p><p>“When those guards dragged me out of my cell it was to see her.  She wasn’t happy with me, that’s for sure.  We argued, and I ended up locking her in a cell.  I thought that was it, but then she appeared out of nowhere… Flying away after that felt like one of the worst things I’ve ever done.”</p><p>Zuko sighs.  “And I’ve got a pretty long list of things that qualify for that title.  My Uncle- he got put in jail in the Fire Nation capital after I betrayed him in Ba Sing Se.  On the day of the eclipse I went to free him, only to find out he’d already escaped.  I have no idea where he is now, or if he’s ok.  And the fact that I’ll probably never get to apologize is my greatest regret.” </p><p>Zuko’s final words fall bitterly from his mouth.  “He and Mai both hate me, I know it.  And I don’t blame them for it either.”</p><p>He waits for Sokka’s response, believing anything his friend can say will just damn him further.  What Zuko doesn’t expect is the sympathy in Sokka’s eyes and the mild tone of his voice as he says, “You know, that was exactly the kind of thing I meant when I said you’re down on yourself all the time.”</p><p>Zuko jerks his head around to stare at the other boy in disbelief.  Of all the things Sokka could’ve said, he chose <em>that</em>?  Annoyance flares within him at the lighthearted take, and he wrenches himself away from Sokka, suddenly finding the contact unbearable. </p><p>“Fine,” Zuko snarls, “so maybe I do that sometimes.  Am I <em>wrong</em>?”</p><p>“Yes!” splutters Sokka.  “You are!”</p><p>At any other time, Zuko might have been able to appreciate what the other boy is saying.  But right now he just wants to shout at Sokka to leave him alone, thinks he should just go back to the rest of the group and pass out in that stupid giant cuddle pile that Zuko refuses to join on principle. </p><p>Sokka opens his mouth to say something more and Zuko tenses, ready to snap.  But the warrior is nothing if not determined, and he steamrolls over his friend before he can protest. </p><p>“Ok, here’s the thing.  The fact that you feel guilty about the people you left behind shows you care.  And I don’t know how else to spell it out for you, but no matter all this depressing self-loathing stuff you might think, that doesn’t change who you really are!  You fought your way out of a bad place, literally and figuratively.  That doesn’t mean you have to bring all the bad stuff with you.” </p><p>Zuko’s doubt is written all over his face.  What Sokka is saying is nice and would be great if true, but there’s just something in him that doesn’t want to- or can’t- believe it. </p><p>Sokka seems to sense this as well, sighing and running a distracted hand over his hair. </p><p>“Look… I knew if anyone could help get my dad back it would be you.  You’re kinda ridiculously competent at like, ninety-nine percent of the things you attempt, in case you haven’t noticed.  That’s why I brought the whole trip up in the first place.  I thought if we could work together and somehow pull it off it’d be a win all around, and then maybe you’d start seeing yourself how I see you, and you’d finally like, <em>get it</em>.  That we all really value and like you.  Me especially.”</p><p>He gulps, the need for air momentarily stopping the flood of words.  Zuko has no way of predicting what else Sokka will say next but tenses instinctively at the anxious look covering his face. </p><p>“Because the thing is, and I know this may sound crazy, but I’ve been trying to find the right time to say it for like, forever, because I really do- I mean, I <em>like</em> you.  A lot.” </p><p>The final sentences rush out with an intensity that leaves Zuko confused.  He’s still reeling a little from the onslaught of information that had been dropped on him, so much so that he barely registers the last few things being said.  Sokka gazes at him expectantly, his expression beginning to waver as the silence stretches. </p><p>It’s all too much; Zuko can’t even fathom what Sokka is waiting to hear and just stares back, confused.  Sokka likes him?  Well yeah, he’s said as much before.  They’re <em>friends</em>. </p><p>Strained seconds tick by. </p><p>“Forget it.” </p><p>Zuko watches numbly as Sokka stands, his fists clenched as he looks determinedly anywhere but at the person still seated on the ground.</p><p>“Wait-“</p><p>“It’s fine, seriously.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”  Sokka’s voice is brittle; there’s something deeply injured within his tone.  “I was stupid to think- the timing’s all wrong, anyway, and you’re obviously not interested… there’s still whatever the hell is between you and Mai, and-“  </p><p>Sokka cuts himself off, shaking his head. </p><p>Zuko is utterly perplexed.  There’s a thrumming in his ears, a dull ache starting at the base of his skull as he tries to push his sluggish brain into understanding what just happened.  Sokka thinks he’s not interested in what?  And what does this have to do with Mai? </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he begins cautiously.  “But I don’t-“</p><p>“Hey, I get it.  You don’t have to say anything more.”  Sokka is already striding back towards the main part of the temple, retreating as fast as he can without actually running.  He disappears into the shadows before Zuko can even form another word. </p><p>Zuko’s mouth hangs open.  He’d been about to say “I don’t understand what you’re talking about” but Sokka had clearly taken it to mean something else. </p><p>“What just happened?” he finally manages to ask aloud. </p><p>The clearing dims.  Zuko looks up reflexively, his brow furrowing at the perplexing sight.  Though no clouds cover the moon, noticeably less brightness emanates from the grayish orb.  He shivers, suddenly registering what feels like disapproval filtering through the weak light.</p><p>The unsettling sensation only makes Zuko feel even more like he’s missing something vital.  But for the life of him, he just can’t grasp precisely what.  What is painfully clear however, is that Sokka, a person Zuko trusts enough to follow to prison and back, had walked away from him angry and hurt.  And somehow it’s all his fault.</p><p>Zuko’s fists strike the ground in anger, the painful sting fueling the frustration in his voice.  “How do I always manage to mess things up?”</p><p> </p><p>Not for the first time, Zuko curses his inability to sleep past dawn.  The rising sun pulls him back to consciousness only a couple hours after he finally falls into a fitful rest, leaving him exhausted but unable to do anything about it. </p><p>He looks awful.  Evidence of a bad night’s sleep sits clearly on Zuko’s face; deep purplish bags bloom under his good eye and his lips twist in a perpetual frown.  It’s just the sort of thing that invites questions and concern from the rest of the team, which is the exact opposite of what he wants.  So Zuko glowers at anyone who tries to talk to him, ignoring the stab of guilt that comes with their put off expressions as they eventually give up and edge away.</p><p>Zuko can’t help but sigh.  As terrible as he looks, he feels even worse. </p><p>By the time he settles down to breakfast, it’s clear that nobody wants to take their chances against his temper.  So much so that everyone- even perpetually cheery and unassuming Aang- gives him a wide berth when they see him. </p><p>The isolation stings, despite it being the reaction that Zuko had been aiming for.  And even with the general avoidance, it’s painfully obvious which member of the group won’t even acknowledge his existence.  Zuko pretends it doesn’t hurt. </p><p>He stares morosely at Sokka all throughout breakfast.  It’s an ironic role reversal, with Zuko now doing the watching and Sokka pretending not to notice.  The Water Tribe teen seems even more boisterous than usual, taking it upon himself to regale the group with wildly exaggerated tales of their escape that make Suki roll her eyes and Hakoda chuckle at his son’s exuberance.</p><p>Sokka noticeably avoids any direct mention of his partner in crime, apparently not even wanting to say Zuko’s name. </p><p>Zuko clenches his jaw and says nothing, just finishes his food as quickly as he considers acceptable before excusing himself.  He can’t bear another second of just sitting here, trying and failing to make eye contact with Sokka while also avoiding the glances everyone else is throwing his way.  It’s hard to decide which looks are the worst- confused (Katara), curious (Toph), or concerned (Suki, Aang). </p><p>Despite his desire to hide, Zuko’s attempt at finding some distance proves pretty futile.  He just can’t quite bring himself to go sulk alone in his room or wander the temple like he had the night before.  Instead he relocates to the far side of the courtyard and sits half hidden among the mossy stones. </p><p>It helps, though not as much as he would’ve liked.  While the physical distance may have removed him from everyone’s immediate line of sight, it does nothing to prevent Zuko from hearing their delighted chatter, with Sokka at the center of it all. </p><p>Zuko knows he’s not being fair, that whatever had happened between himself and Sokka shouldn’t affect how he treats everyone else.  But right now he’s horribly confused, and it’s making him want to lash out at everyone and everything around him. </p><p>Maybe some meditation will calm his mind.  Zuko shuts his eyes, producing a tiny flame in his palms and trying to ward off his growing headache.  He’s so focused on his breathing that he doesn’t hear anyone approaching.  That is, until a body carelessly hits the ground next to him. </p><p>Toph lays stretched out in the dirt, feet still planted solidly even as she lets her limbs sprawl.  She gives no greeting, instead saying without preamble, “Kinda sucks, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Zuko is too taken aback by her sudden arrival to tell her to go away.  He turns to face her fully, the flames spluttering out in his hands, forgotten.  “What?”</p><p>Toph jerks her chin in the direction of the campfire, where the rest of the group still gathers.  “You know.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“You’re upset.”</p><p>“I’m happy,” Zuko insists.  The words are rather undercut by the irritation in his voice.</p><p>“You’re lying,” says Toph dismissively.  “It’s ok, I get it.  All that lovey parent stuff kinda freaks me out too.”</p><p>“What?”  Zuko studies the young girl more closely, suddenly realizing he knows very little about her family situation.  From what she’s saying, he gathers it’s not great. </p><p>Before he can think about it too hard, however, Toph clears her throat.  “Well?”  </p><p>Zuko considers.  He understands where she’s coming from; the link between parents and his current mood wouldn’t be a difficult one to make.  But surprisingly, that’s not actually what he’d been thinking about. </p><p>Almost immediately after meeting Hakoda, Zuko had concluded he’s a good person.  The Chief shows love to his kids openly, and despite the fact that seeing them all so happy together makes Zuko ache down to his very soul, he doesn’t find it off-putting.  It’s refreshing, honestly, to be reminded of what a family could be- no matter the distance and years that had forced them apart. </p><p>“It’s not that,” he finally answers.  “I’m glad they’re all together.”</p><p>Toph’s face scrunches as she thinks.  “Then what’s bothering you?  Because I know what happy feels like, and it’s not whatever you’ve got going on.”</p><p>Zuko considers denying her again and figures there’s no point.  He tries not to be annoyed about the number of times he’s been called out recently- first Sokka with the whole brooding thing and now this.  </p><p>“Fine, maybe I’m not happy,” he concedes.  “I’m never happy.  So what?”</p><p>“So, you’re not the only one who’s upset.”  Toph flexes her toes against the temple ground.  “Even though he isn’t acting like it, Sokka’s really messed up too.  Though I can’t figure out why, I mean- if anyone should be happy it’s him, right?  He pulled off a crazy mission and got his dad and girlfriend back all at once.”</p><p>“Ex-girlfriend,” Zuko corrects without thinking. </p><p>There’s a pause before Toph lets out a tiny self-satisfied huff, as though she’s just confirmed something important.  “So that’s it, huh?”</p><p>Zuko can’t help but be wary of the knowing look she sends him.  “What?” he snaps, a little more harshly than intended. </p><p>Toph grins infuriatingly.  “Hey, if you don’t know, I’m not gonna be the one to tell you.”</p><p>As abruptly as she’d arrived, Toph leaves.  She saunters off smugly, shouting, “time for earthbending practice, Twinkletoes!” and leaving Zuko to stew over her comment.  He watches as she yanks a protesting Aang away from the campfire, a curious Suki claiming she wants to see them train and jumping up to follow.  Sokka and Katara linger with their father, unaware of Zuko’s presence on the other side of the courtyard. </p><p>By himself once again, he tries to return to meditation.  Zuko inhales deeply but it’s no use- there’s no way his mind will settle now.  He swallows down his frustration and resigns himself to the fact that the only thing left to do is puzzle out what Toph meant. </p><p>Zuko hadn’t lied about being happy for Sokka and Katara’s good relationship with their father.  While Zuko certainly has paternal issues of his own, it’s clear that Hakoda differs so much from Ozai any comparison between them is laughable. </p><p>(And Zuko <em>had</em> laughed about it- the night before, after Sokka walked away and he was left alone- laughed so hard that he’d cried, and then suddenly he was heaving with sobs and found he couldn’t stop for a very long time.  He felt better afterwards, exhausted and drained but also strangely cleansed.) </p><p>No, Zuko can safely say that his issues right now didn’t lie with Hakoda, but his son.  It’s what kept him up so late the night before- echoes of Sokka’s hurt face and urgent words jolting him awake every time he neared unconsciousness. </p><p>Even now Zuko turns Sokka’s anxious declaration over and over in his mind, the words blurring into almost meaningless noise as he tries to understand what exactly had gone wrong.  It’s not until he pictures Toph’s knowing grin that clarity strikes, the force of the insight almost knocking him over.</p><p>Sokka had said he liked him.  <em>Liked</em> him. </p><p>As in- Sokka likes <em>him</em>. </p><p>
  <em>What?!</em>
</p><p>Zuko’s first reaction is surprise, shock even.  He must be reading this wrong; it’s almost unfathomable that someone like Sokka could ever be attracted to someone like him. </p><p>But the more Zuko thinks over their interactions- even before the excursion to the Boiling Rock- the more obvious it becomes.  The way Sokka would light up on the rare occasion Zuko laughed at one of his jokes, all the times his calloused hands had brushed Zuko’s or poked gently at his side, the constant staring- oh Agni, all those looks Zuko suspected were hostile or pitying had just been what… evidence of Sokka’s crush?</p><p>It’s a lot to take in all at once.  Zuko can admit that a more emotionally savvy person probably would’ve picked up on the signs a lot sooner, but, well, his relationship history pretty much proves that he’s not good at this sort of thing.  Besides, the fact that he’d missed so much can’t fall completely on his obliviousness- they did just spend the past few days trying to escape from prison after all, and the overall danger of that situation (rightfully) took precedence over anything else. </p><p>Now that they’re back at the temple and relatively safe, however, Zuko finally has the chance to let himself think about some of the things he’d begun noticing over the past few days.  Things that all primarily have to do with Sokka.</p><p>He hardly knows where to start. </p><p>They’re friends- Zuko is sure of that much.  But now that he knows Sokka feels something for him that’s a little more than friendship, he’s beginning to see their exchanges in a new light.  One that potentially paints Zuko himself as landing (however unknowingly it might have been at the time) on the side of wanting to be a bit beyond “just friends” with Sokka in return.</p><p>That realization alone is enough to make Zuko pause. </p><p>Sure, the people of the Fire Nation are as passionate as their element, leading to the general acceptance of relationships of all sorts.  Back in the Capital it wasn’t uncommon to see pairs of men out for a romantic dinner or women strolling arm in arm amongst the bustling night markets.  Impassioned declarations of love and public displays of affection weren’t frowned upon in the least- no matter who they were between. </p><p>But as a member of the royal family, Zuko hadn’t been afforded such freedom.  All his life he’d been pushed to hold duty to his nation over everything else.  Personal affiliations ranked second to the loyalty that was owed to the Crown, and within the royal court, formal relationships served as much as a means of securing power as an expression of true feelings. </p><p>Even Zuko’s bond with Mai had contained traces of these beliefs; while he certainly cared deeply for her, he also can’t deny that parts of their time together were always clouded with politics and outside influence- whether from Azula, Mai’s parents, or the general obligations that came with being a prince. </p><p>It’s no wonder that the idea of Sokka liking him feels so foreign.  Sokka sees Zuko for who he is, without any pretense or expectations.  There’s no ulterior motive, no behind the scenes politics, nowhere for Zuko to hide. </p><p>It’s exhilarating, and terrifying.  And maybe the scariest part of it all is the glaring realization that Zuko likes Sokka back. </p><p>For the sake of his own understanding, Zuko decides he needs to find that first moment- the instance where his perspective had unconsciously shifted from thinking of Sokka as nothing more than a teammate into someone he cared for, wanted to protect, liked, and, well, <em>liked</em>.</p><p>The more Zuko thinks about it, however, the more he realizes there were just so many moments.</p><p>Did his feelings start in the heart stopping second he thought Sokka was going to fall off the gondola?  When he witnessed the warrior’s undeniable bravery and swordsmanship as they fought Azula?  Had it been something in the way Sokka’s eyes lit up when he first saw his father, the excited tone of his voice as he thought of plan after plan, or his relentless conviction that they were all going to make it home together?</p><p>Any of these could be valid options, but Zuko pushes himself to think back even further.  Memories of his seemingly out of place emotions from the past few days flash by rapidly- his bouts of jealousy at Sokka’s interactions with Suki, the sudden rush of happiness he’d felt upon learning the couple wasn’t back together, the overwhelming trust that filled him as he swore to Sokka he’d follow whatever decision he made.</p><p>He remembers the moment when Sokka first asked about the Boiling Rock.  The warrior didn’t even need to do any convincing- Zuko had flat out volunteered.  The fact that he so readily agreed to go has to count for something; Zuko can tally the number of people he’d willingly follow into danger on one hand.  And the jailbreak had been a terrible idea, sure- but one look in the other boy’s determined eyes and he’d been ready to go. </p><p>(The tiny part of Zuko’s brain that’s not entirely consumed by Sokka supposes he would’ve done that for anybody in the group.  If Aang or Toph or even Katara proposed a rescue mission for someone they cared about, he’d be on board in a heartbeat. </p><p>Except they hadn’t asked, had they. </p><p>Sokka had. </p><p>And Zuko was all too willing to go along.)</p><p>Zuko’s not entirely sure why he’s so dead set on figuring out the exact moment his feelings started- it’s impractical and honestly making his head hurt.  Shouldn’t it be enough that he recognizes his emotions now, no matter what had officially triggered them? </p><p>But no, Zuko knows in his heart he has to follow this back to the beginning.  Sokka was brave enough to admit his feelings first, and Zuko owes it to the other boy to understand everything he can about the emotions that are quickly consuming him. </p><p>He thinks of the dinner where Sokka threw an arm over his shoulders and let its comforting weight rest there for far longer than necessary.  He pictures their sparring match from earlier that same day- one Zuko couldn’t even understand why he’d agreed to at the time- that had turned out to be the best swordfight he’d had in ages.  And then, finally, the night before that, when he’d stumbled upon Sokka’s hidden moonlit ledge.  The warrior had invited him in with no hesitation and Zuko, fighting every self-preservation instinct and anxious thought, had accepted. </p><p>That’s it, Zuko decides. </p><p>Out of all the epic moments he and Sokka had been through together, everything came down to one simple conversation.  Zuko’s first moment of genuine comfort since changing sides, when just being in Sokka’s presence was enough to make him relax.  He’d rambled on about firebending into the early morning hours and Sokka had listened without complaint, regarding Zuko with a fondness so blatant he wonders how he missed it at the time.  </p><p>He wonders how he’s missed everything since. </p><p>The reminder of his current situation sobers Zuko slightly, though not enough to stop the giddiness bubbling up the back of his throat.  Sokka likes him- and he likes Sokka.  It’s almost a relief to say it now, to be able to put his finger on the feelings that he’d been unable to recognize fully until this point.  Zuko knows now more than ever that he needs to make things right with the other boy- but surely fixing the misunderstanding between them couldn’t be any harder than coming to terms with his feelings in the first place, right? </p><p>A flurry of movement at the far end of the courtyard startles Zuko out of his reverie.  He looks over just in time to catch the reappearance of a muddy-yet-grinning Aang, followed by an equally earth-streaked Toph and a comparatively spotless Suki.  His brow furrows.  Were they done with their earthbending practice already? </p><p>Zuko glances up at the sky, realizing the sun had hit its peak without him even noticing.  Somehow he’d passed the better part of the morning just thinking about Sokka, completely missing the hours as they slipped by.  He can’t help but feel it was time well spent.</p><p>A determined energy fills Zuko as he finally stands, ready to go apologize to Sokka and clear up their misunderstanding.  Before he can, however, someone else appears in his field of vision. </p><p>“Zuko?”  Aang approaches cautiously, for once not calling him by some ridiculous nickname.  Zuko thanks the spirits for small miracles.  “You up for some firebending?”</p><p>Zuko pauses.  Deny training the destined savior of the world for the sake of sorting out his relationship drama?  Yeah… not really an option.  Talking to Sokka would have to wait.  Who knows, a little delay might be for the best.  At the very least, it would give Zuko some much needed time to figure out what exactly he wants to say. </p><p>He offers Aang a sheepish smile as an apology for his earlier bad mood.  “Did you keep up with those hotsquats I told you to do while I was away?” </p><p>Aang nods vigorously, his gray eyes wide. </p><p>“Good.”  Zuko allows his face to soften fully, noting how Aang’s shoulders relax.  As they cross the courtyard together he can’t help but let his gaze linger on Sokka, now proudly showing off his sword to his father. </p><p>Aang follows Zuko’s look, a concerned expression on his face.  “You ok?”</p><p>Right at that moment Sokka glances over.  He meet Zuko’s eyes for a split second before hastily turning away.  It stings a little, but Zuko continues to stare after him.</p><p>“I’m good.”  Or he will be, once he tells Sokka how he feels. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I could honestly expand on parts of this chapter for hours, but I’ll limit myself to two things: </p><p>One- I absolutely adore Mai and wish we got to see more of how her actions at the Boiling Rock impact Zuko afterwards, hence why he spends so much time struggling with it here.  He’s definitely got a lot of lingering guilt/ inner conflict not just over her but also about his Uncle- I always envisioned Zuko seeing the jailbreak of Hakoda as an extension of what he meant to do for Iroh on the day of the eclipse, the difference being that Sokka succeeds where Zuko doesn’t.  It definitely fuels a lot of his angst and sets up an interesting parallel between the two which is yet another thing Zuko has to work through before being ready to acknowledge/ explore any kinds of feelings he has for Sokka.  </p><p>Two- I never understood why the creators of Avatar made it so that Sozin criminalized same-sex relationships, especially given that it’s implied they were generally accepted up until him.  Was it just another way to show that Sozin’s a bad guy?  He already committed genocide, I don’t think you have to add anything to that to make the audience dislike him… (And yes I know it makes sense like, within the political narrative of Sozin's rise and the control he needed to maintain over the people etc. but also sometimes you just get tired of seeing it ya know?) And on a greater level not necessarily just talking about ATLA, I don’t get why creators will come up with elaborate fantasy worlds and then feel the need to overlay real life issues like homophobia.  Like, this particular world has dragons and flying bison, and a significant portion of the population basically has magical powers, would it be that much more of a suspension of disbelief to say that homophobia doesn’t exist?  Contrary to what we see pushed in a lot of media, characters in same-sex relationships absolutely do not have to struggle with their sexuality or be put through some horrible internalized self-hatred in order to end up happy.  (I know that seeing characters overcome that kind of thing can be inspiring to audience members irl, or maybe it comes down to writers wanting Drama or that a lot of people just have come to expect that sort of story.  I've definitely read and enjoyed my fair share of those kinds of narratives too.  But part of me hates that 'internalized homophobia' has basically become a genre of its own at this point. <br/> There is literally nothing that should preclude LGBT people from seeing people like them experiencing a happy non-painful romance too.)  TLDR: Sokka and Zuko may have internal struggles over their feelings for each other but in this story those issues sure as hell aren’t stemming from conflict surrounding their sexualities.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. avoiding your gaze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok I know this was supposed to be the last chapter but apparently I cannot plan a fic to save my life…  I was just struggling so hard with the second part of it that I figured I might as well chop it in half and post what I’d written so far.  Buckle in for some emotional moments people- we’re on to the Southern Raiders episode (though perhaps not focusing on the parts you expect).  Lots of notes at the end and ty for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sokka considers himself blessed with a pretty strong stomach.  Growing up on and off boats erased any sense of motion sickness he might’ve once had, and being forced to eat Katara’s semi-questionable cooking for years on end kinda took care of the rest. </p><p>(Kidding!  Sheesh.  Katara can cook surprisingly well all things considered- not that Sokka would ever let his little sister hear him admit it.)</p><p>All jokes aside, the past couple of days have been nothing short of nauseating.  This time however, Sokka can’t blame his upset stomach on some over-stewed sea prunes.  In fact, his problems have nothing at all to do with food and everything to do with the incredible array of emotions he’s been forced to endure within the past seventy-two hours. </p><p>The rollercoaster had started when he’d almost died at the Boiling Rock, a horror that was quickly overshadowed by the triumphant high of returning to the Western Air Temple with Dad and Suki.  Sokka then had about an hour to bask in the warm glow of a family reunion before kind of accidentally confessing his feelings to Zuko in a heady rush that was immediately followed by the crushing low of rejection. </p><p>It’s not the first time Sokka’s been turned down by someone he cares about, though this situation is almost entirely different than what had happened with Yue.  His brief romance with the Northern Water Tribe Princess ended due to circumstance and duty and fate, rather than any lack of feelings between them.  It was complicated and political and, ultimately, over far too soon. </p><p>The situation here is much simpler.  Sokka likes Zuko.  Zuko doesn’t like him in return.  And Sokka just has to deal with that. </p><p>He keeps telling himself things could be worse- that despite the fact that he’s gone and made a fool out of himself in front of their newest team member, at least they aren’t now being forced to say goodbye forever.  Sokka doesn’t like to tempt fate, but he’s pretty sure there’s almost no chance Zuko will be forced turn into some kind of Fire Spirit and end up exiting the mortal plane for good. </p><p>On the flip side, this means Sokka still has to see Zuko’s stupidly good-looking face and hear his annoyingly attractive voice every single day, and somehow act as though nothing out of the ordinary has happened between them. </p><p>Losing Yue made Sokka sad.  Being rejected by Zuko leaves him nauseous. </p><p>It feels a little like that time Aang insisted on showing off some of Appa’s fancy flying with Sokka and Katara still in the saddle, apparently forgetting that his passengers weren’t gravity defying airbenders who enjoyed free-falling through the sky on a daily basis.  Sokka had lost his lunch somewhere between the loop-de-loop and the following series of barrel rolls, resulting in some very angry shouting once they’d finally made it back to solid ground.  It’s probably the most unwell Sokka can ever remember feeling (not counting that time he’d had to suck on a frog), but even that can’t compare to the all-encompassing queasiness he gets now whenever he so much as looks at a certain member of their team. </p><p>And as if all that wasn’t enough to deal with, now a crazy fire princess is shooting giant blue flames at them from the top of an airship. </p><p>Great.</p><p>Despite the adaptable, roll-with-the-punches attitude he’s been forced to develop over the past year, Sokka really doesn’t like dealing with surprises.  So Azula nearly bombing them off the cliffside absolutely does not rank among his favorite ways of waking up.</p><p>The subsequent realization that their ten-ton flying bison refuses to escape through a very safe and not-at-all-on-fire tunnel out the back of the temple is honestly just icing on an overall incredibly upsetting cake. </p><p>“I can’t get him to go in!”  Aang yanks repeatedly on Appa’s reins, straining uselessly against the huge beast.  “We’re gonna have to fly out of here.”</p><p>Katara starts to protest, but Sokka cuts her off.  As much as he dislikes what he’s about to say, the clarity of their situation is already solidifying in his mind.  They don’t have much time.  “Then we need to split up.  We’ll take Appa, and Dad- you follow the tunnel and get everyone else to the airship.”</p><p>“No!”  Katara looks desperately at her father for reassurance, her wide eyes pleading.  “The Fire Nation can’t separate our family again, not when we just got you back!” </p><p>Hakoda pauses for a moment before meeting his son’s gaze and nodding grimly.  “It’s ok,” the older man says decisively.  “It won’t be forever.”</p><p>He hugs his kids tightly before he turns, disappearing into the passageway without a second glance.  The abrupt goodbye hurts, especially so soon after reuniting, but there’s no time to dwell on it now.  Instead Sokka squashes down the bad feeling rising in his chest and grabs his sister’s arms.  He boosts her into Appa’s saddle, scrambling up to join her a moment later. </p><p>Sokka scans through the group as they prepare to take off, a jolt of realization hitting him as he notices someone is missing. </p><p>“Where’s Zuko?”</p><p>Suki’s eyes widen.  “He ran out to face Azula right when she-“</p><p>The rest of her reply is cut off as they burst out through the wall and into the inferno.  Appa’s path takes them directly above Azula, so close that the princess is forced to duck as they fly overhead.  The group quickly makes it outside her range of fire, but she doesn’t make any move to pursue them.  Instead, her attention is pulled by a lone figure rising on an airship opposite.  With a sinking heart Sokka realizes that it’s Zuko, his determined glare recognizable even from their considerable distance away. </p><p>Sokka can do nothing but stare in horror as the scarred prince sprints to the edge of his balloon and launches himself into the air to meet his sister, flames springing from his fists as he goes.  If the situation were any less dire, Sokka might allow himself a moment to wonder just what makes Zuko so prone to death-defying leaps.  This has to be at least the third incredibly dangerous jump he’s made in the past few days- not that anyone’s counting- and like the others, it does nothing to help Sokka’s nerves.  As it is, he can do little more than cling to the side of Appa’s saddle and hope his friend knows what he’s doing. </p><p>Sokka’s worry is short lived.  A much more pressing issue is at hand, namely the huge blasts of fire raining down upon them from every possible angle.  Aang maneuvers Appa between them as best he can, Katara’s water shielding them from the blasts they can’t dodge.  The rest of them roll from one end of the saddle to the other as they spiral through the air; Sokka keeps one arm wrapped securely around Suki and the other around Toph as they’re thrown back and forth.  They fall into one final perpendicular dive that leaves Sokka thankful he didn’t have time for breakfast, and the group breaks free of the melee at last. </p><p>The turbulence lessens immensely once they’re out of immediate danger, though Sokka can’t say the same about his level of worry.  He chances a look back to where the royal siblings fight, eyes drawn almost magnetically to Zuko’s form.  Sure, he appears to be holding his own without issue.  His movements are certain and calculated as he advances, and logically, Sokka knows that this is hardly Zuko’s first fight with his sister.  He’s survived every encounter up until this point, which has to count for something. </p><p>Zuko will be fine.  Seriously. </p><p>Oh who is he kidding?  Azula is downright <em>terrifying</em>, and Sokka is smart enough to admit that any confrontation with the relentless princess could be their last. </p><p>Her cackle echoes off the cliffside, audible even above the sounds of the temple collapsing behind them.  Azula’s face twists with manic glee as she punches forward in a powerful blow, her fist aimed solely to blast her brother right off the top of their airship.  Sokka senses what’s about to happen a half-second before it does.  Red meets blue in one final explosion and suddenly two figures are tumbling backwards into the mist, limbs flailing uselessly as they fall. </p><p>The air in Sokka’s lungs leaves with a gut-wrenching whoosh.  He turns to Aang to beg him to do something- <em>anything</em>, but the airbender is already on it, yanking the reins to steer Appa into their friend’s path.  Katara grabs Zuko out of his freefall and pulls him safely into the saddle, her arms wrapped protectively around him despite their still-shaky rapport. </p><p>Sokka’s shoulders immediately sag with relief.  His first instinct is to shove his sister out of the way and check the firebender for injuries himself, but his hesitation over whether or not that would be received well by Zuko (and the fact that his limbs are still tangled protectively around Toph and Suki) holds him back.  To his credit, Zuko looks surprisingly unbothered by his recent free-fall.  He gently pulls himself out of Katara’s grip, the slight tremble of his hands the only thing betraying his calm façade.</p><p>Sokka scrambles for something to say in the hopes of lightening the mood, but the words stick in his throat as Zuko turns his gaze towards his sister.  Azula is still falling, her maroon armor standing out like blood against the grayish-white mist. </p><p>It’s almost surreal, Sokka decides, that such a vicious and seemingly unstoppable foe is about to meet her end by way of nothing more than gravity.  While the thought itself is rather sobering, it at least reassures him that the laws of physics do still apply to daily life.  (Sokka considers himself a man of science, yes.  But sometimes he really can’t be sure- what with all the flying and magic water and the fact that one of his best friends is a girl who takes an absurd amount of pleasure from crushing metal in her bare hands.)</p><p>Zuko’s hushed voice breaks through Sokka’s train of thought, his words colored with numb disbelief.  “She’s… not gonna make it.”</p><p>As if to spite her brother, Azula flips midair and propels herself into the side of the cliff, sliding to a triumphant halt with only her hair piece stabbed into the rock for leverage. </p><p>“Of course she did.” </p><p>Sokka pulls his gaze from the smirking princess to study Zuko’s unreadable expression.  He’s facing away, but even in profile Sokka can detect the tiniest note of relief in his troubled eyes.  The firebender’s inner conflict is understandable given the situation, though Sokka can’t imagine having such animosity with a member of his own family.  He looks towards his sister, now seated next to Aang on Appa’s head.  As though she senses his scrutiny, Katara turns. her matching blue eyes meeting his.  They’re calm and reassuring, and the message is clear: she’s ok.  They’ll all be ok.  Sokka can’t help but believe her, despite his better judgement.</p><p>The group flies on without a word.  The silence is almost deafening compared to the chaos they’ve just escaped, though no one really seems in the mood to break it.  For once, Sokka is ok with saying nothing.  He’s thoroughly shaken- they all are.  They’d just said an involuntary goodbye to half of their group and a good chunk of their supplies, and now don’t really have a clue where they’re going other than somewhere far away from here.  </p><p>But at least they’re all alive.  That’s worth a lot in Sokka’s book, no matter what other problems they’re required to deal with.  And honestly, with the chaotic way things have been going lately, being forced to run for their lives first thing in the morning is pretty much right on track. </p><p> </p><p>There are days when Sokka doesn’t have a clue what’s going through his sister’s mind.  He can read Katara better than most, sure, but sometimes he feels left in the dark with everyone else, except worse- because if anyone should understand her, it’s him.</p><p>Now is one of those times.</p><p>It starts with a toast.  A seemingly innocuous peace offering from Sokka to Zuko to thank him for singlehandedly taking on Azula that morning (even if Sokka had hated every second of it).  He can’t hold a grudge against the firebender for long- though that’s not to say they’ve talked through any of Sokka’s confession, or that his feelings have somehow magically become unhurt.  But after seeing Zuko free-fall through the air and realizing just how close he came to losing him, well, Sokka’s willing to put aside a little rejection in favor of just having Zuko alive. </p><p>So that night at dinner, he raises his cup and leads a round of cheers for their hero of the day.  The firebender blushes slightly and immediately deflects the praise, just as Sokka expects.  What Sokka doesn’t expect is Katara’s reaction, which includes storming off into the night with a downright murderous expression on her face.</p><p>Zuko stares after her a second before following, leaving Sokka feeling even worse about the whole thing than he did in the first place.  He’s more than a little confused too; Katara and Zuko had been getting along better these days, or at least Sokka thought they were.  Whatever reaction he’d been trying to get from the group, it certainly wasn’t this. </p><p>Toph grinds her knuckles into the ground, uncomfortable with the sudden tension.  Aang looks torn between going after Katara and letting Zuko handle it, and Suki just studies Sokka carefully.  He plasters on an unbothered look in response.  The last thing Sokka wants right now is a heavy, feelings-filled discussion.  Instead he forces out a nonchalant tone.  “Seriously, what’s with them?”</p><p>The question sounds off even to his own ears, though thankfully nobody seems in the mood to call him out on it. </p><p>They all turn in pretty soon after that.  Sokka alone remains seated by the fire when Katara returns an hour later, disappearing into her tent without a word.  She’s been crying, Sokka thinks, though her expression looks more angry than sad. </p><p>There’s no sign of Zuko. </p><p>“It’s been a long day.  You should get some sleep.”</p><p>Suki materializes from the darkness, her face lined with gentle concern.  Sokka blinks up at her wordlessly before returning his glum stare to the campfire’s dying embers.  “I know.” </p><p>He doesn’t move and Suki sighs, dropping down next to him without a word.  She leans her head comfortingly on his shoulder and just lets the silence stretch.  Sokka is thankful that she’s not the type to push or pry.  He doesn’t think he could bear a bunch of questions about what’s on his mind. </p><p>“Forgiveness is different for everybody,” Suki says finally.  Her statement is mild, factual; the tone carries no judgement either way. </p><p>That’s another great thing about Suki: she doesn’t beat around the bush.  The Kyoshi warrior has no time for pretending like there’s nothing wrong, but she also doesn’t allow anyone to wallow in their feelings.  She just calls things like she sees them- honest and direct, though never overly harsh in her delivery. </p><p>It’s one of the many things Sokka appreciates about her, and among the top reasons why he’s glad their friendship hasn’t wavered in the aftermath of the past few days. </p><p>“Yeah,” says Sokka.  There’s no point in arguing, not when he knows in his heart that Suki is right.  Still, he can’t just let it go.  “But I wish Katara- I wish she’d give him a chance.  I know it’s a lot to ask, after everything.  And she’s allowed to come around on her own terms.  But at this point, Zuko’s proven over and over again that he’s changed.  I don’t even know what else he could do to get her to forgive him.”</p><p>Suki shrugs, her shoulder nudging gently against Sokka’s.  “That’s for the two of them to work out, not us.  There’s no point in worrying about it now.” </p><p>“Right,” Sokka agrees reluctantly.  Easier said than done.  If it were fully up to him, he’d sit out here and worry all night.  Or at least until Zuko returned.</p><p>Like always, Suki seems to see right through him.  “I’m serious, Sokka.  Katara has to figure things out on her own time, just like you did, and Aang did, and I did.  Even though all of us feel differently about Zuko than we did before, we can’t force her to forgive him if she’s not ready.  It’s no use getting caught up in it now.”</p><p>Sokka sighs and nods his head in acceptance, knowing his friend’s words hold nothing but the truth.  “You’re right, as usual.”</p><p>Suki’s expression changes to something mildly smug.  “Of course I’m right,” she comments lightly.  “I’m also right that you should get some rest.  Things will be better in the morning.”</p><p>Sokka lets her pull him to his feet, feeling slightly cheerier than he had at the beginning of their conversation.  “I didn’t know you were such an optimist,” he says, half teasing. </p><p>“You should try it sometime,” Suki chuckles.  “And honestly, after the wakeup call we had today, I’m pretty sure things can’t get much worse.”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” groans Sokka.  “The universe just loves to prove us wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>Sokka’s first thought when he wakes up the next morning is that the universe had not, in fact, proven him wrong.  The sun is shining brightly, their island hideaway looks far less desolate than it did during last night’s after-dark arrival, and whatever is for breakfast smells so good it’s making his mouth water. </p><p>(There’s also no sign of enemy airships or explosives being launched at them at high velocity.  That’s definitely a plus.)</p><p>All in all, the day might just have the potential to be a good one.  Sokka stretches as he makes his way out of his tent, his joints popping so satisfactorily he has to hold back a groan. </p><p>Toph grins at him as he settles by the campfire.  “Got a little extra pep in your step today, huh Snoozles?”</p><p>“I’m embracing being optimistic!”  Sokka ignores Toph’s snort of reply in favor of helping himself to a bowl of congee.  Between bites of breakfast he smiles gratefully at Suki, who looks pleasantly surprised at his change in attitude.  Aang meanwhile looks down right delighted at Sokka’s new positive outlook, agreeing that it’s going to be a good day.</p><p>There’s no sign of either Katara or Zuko, but Sokka tries not to let it bother him. </p><p>(See?  <em>Optimism</em>.)</p><p>Normally the disappearance of Katara and Zuko at the same time would be a bad thing, i.e. last night’s dinner argument- but maybe this time they’re just off having a heart to heart and becoming the best of friends. </p><p>Ok, probably not.  Sokka is willing to try optimism, but he draws the line at being downright delusional.</p><p>Still, it’s kind of nice to think that his sister and the friend-he-definitely-still-has-feelings-for-despite-the-fact-that-they’re-unquestionably-one-sided might be getting along.  It’d be a solid development for the team at least, and would probably really help with that whole ‘saving the world’ thing they’re supposed to be doing. </p><p>On a more personal level, Zuko and Katara becoming friends would mean less arguments overall, meaning less time spent with Sokka forced to mediate, meaning more time for him to focus on… whatever else he has to focus on at the moment.  Right now, stuck on this tiny uninhabited island in the middle of the sea, there isn’t exactly much to do, but Sokka’s sure he’ll be able to come up with something eventually.  Maybe an ingenious plan to win the war that involves a fail proof way for Aang to defeat the Fire Lord.  That sounds pretty good. </p><p>Huh, Sokka thinks to himself.  Maybe this whole being an optimist thing isn’t so bad after all. </p><p> </p><p>If asked to describe his morning, Sokka would declare it ‘incredibly productive.’  He begins by unloading all of their supplies, noting what they have and what they need, then reorganizes the items neatly on Appa’s saddle.  The hour after that is spent exploring the island with Toph (nothing but rocks- the earthbender can barely contain her joy), sparring briefly with Suki (Sokka’s hand to hand still needs a lot of work), and poring over their maps for what must be the hundredth time. </p><p>At some point he spots Zuko approaching Katara in the distance, perhaps as a follow up to the previous evening.  Sokka isn’t close enough to hear what they’re saying, but they seem cordial enough.  At the very least, he doesn’t hear any yelling.</p><p>By the time lunch rolls around, Sokka’s running out of things to do.  He helps Aang feed Appa, then flops on the ground nearby with a discontented groan.  Turns out that life going smoothly is actually… pretty boring.  Who would’ve thought?</p><p>He’s almost at the point of wishing for something to happen- if only to alleviate the oncoming boredom- and it’s just as the thought is crossing Sokka’s mind that things go downhill, very quickly. </p><p>“I need to borrow Appa.”</p><p>Sokka looks over at Katara, his older-brother senses already tingling.  Something about the gravity in her voice and the hardness of her eyes immediately sets him on edge- not to mention the fact that Zuko is standing a couple steps behind her with what looks like a bag of supplies slung over his shoulder. </p><p>Aang doesn’t seem to notice that anything is off, joking lightly, “Why?  Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?”</p><p>“Yes,” Katara says flatly.  “It is.”</p><p>That gets Aang’s attention.  He turns quickly, Appa continuing to munch contentedly on hay behind him.  “Oh.  What’s going on?” </p><p>Katara’s eyes burn in a way Sokka recalls seeing only a handful of times.  Specific times, like when she’s about to mention- </p><p>“We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.”</p><p>Her words take a moment for Sokka to register.  When they finally click, he realizes he’s on his feet in front of Katara and Zuko, having stood and walked over without even knowing it.  There’s a strange rushing in his ears and a million questions on the tip of his tongue, but all he manages to say is, “How…”</p><p>Zuko turns to face him.  His eyes meet Sokka’s fully for the first time since what Sokka had dubbed, ‘The Great Feelings Disaster,’ and he finds he almost can’t handle the intensity of the firebender’s golden stare.  Sokka gulps and refocuses, trying to absorb to the words that are coming out of the other teen’s mouth. </p><p>“Katara told me what happened to your mother.  We’re going to find the man who did it.”</p><p>Sokka’s ears ring like he’s just been clobbered over the head.  When had they decided this?  Last night after their argument?  This morning?  He can hardly believe Katara had been willing to open up about the details of that horrible day to Zuko, let alone enough for him to know how to find the man responsible for their mother’s death. </p><p>And why is Zuko even volunteering to do this?  Risking injury or capture or discovery searching for a man who might already be dead anyway seems pretty stupid, even when compared to a list of the firebender’s other badly thought out escapades. </p><p>The answer dawns on Sokka as he observes how Zuko is standing- a couple steps behind Katara and to the side.  Humble.  Deferential.  He’s trying to win her over, Sokka realizes.  Believing he’s doing the right thing, Zuko- whether he actively knows it or not- is using the promise of revenge to deflect Katara’s anger away from himself and onto someone else. </p><p>And so far, it’s <em>working</em>.</p><p>It’s not that Sokka doesn’t hate the man who took their mom from them, because he absolutely does.  He hates the man’s cruelty, his efficiency in striking that final blow.  He despises how he shattered their family in a single moment, mourns the happiness stolen from their father and the fact that they had to grow up so quickly in the aftermath.  Sokka feels all these things, yes- he just feels them differently than Katara.</p><p>Most days, Sokka shoves his grief into an icy corner of his heart that he covers with sarcasm and jokes and general good cheer.  He molds his pain into something strategic, big picture; the anger he feels towards that single man he feels for any other Fire Nation troops, for Ozai, for everyone that would hurt innocent people.  The man who killed his mother could have been one among a thousand, each of them indistinguishable from the next in their dreaded maroon armor.  Sokka hates him, of course he does, but there’s nothing personal about it.</p><p>But Katara- Katara’s hatred runs deep and churns relentlessly.  It explodes again and again, an expression of her grief that threatens to drown them all on the worst of days.  Her pain is made to be witnessed, to be felt- and felt it they all have.  <em>Especially</em> Zuko.  And it’s because of this that Sokka can’t quite believe Zuko’s practically handing Katara access to the person she feels is the root of her trauma, at a moment when she’s clearly ready to do something horribly irreversible to him. </p><p>The sound of someone clearing their throat pulls Sokka back to the present.  It feels like ages have passed in the time it took him to think all that, but it’s really only been a moment.  He wants to reply, but his brain to mouth connection doesn’t seem to be working.  Even if it was, Sokka has no idea what he’d say. </p><p>Aang blinks, appearing not to understand (or maybe not <em>wanting</em> to understand) Katara and Zuko’s exact plan.  He glances at Sokka, and seeing the warrior stunned, decides to respond for him.  “Um, you’re gonna find the guy… and then what?”</p><p>Zuko shrugs grimly.  Katara looks down at the ground, her eyes narrowed. </p><p>Aang’s gaze grows even more concerned.  “And you think this will accomplish what, exactly?”</p><p>Katara shakes her head.  “Ugh, I knew you wouldn’t understand.”  She moves to walk away, Zuko turning to follow. </p><p>“Wait!” says Aang.  “I <em>do</em> understand.  You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage.  How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa?  How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?”</p><p>“She needs this, Aang,” interjects Zuko.  “This is about getting closure, and justice.”</p><p>The monk shakes his head slowly.  “I don’t think so.  I think it’s about getting revenge.”</p><p>“Fine,” snarls Katara.  “Maybe it is.  Maybe that’s what I need!  Maybe that’s what he deserves.”</p><p>Aang’s face falls, his wide eyes uncharacteristically solemn.  Somewhere in the background Suki and Toph drift closer, drawn by the raised voices.  “Katara, you sound like Jet.”</p><p>The waterbender whirls around.  “It’s not the same!  Jet attacked the innocent.  This man, he’s a <em>monster</em>.”</p><p>Something about the conviction in her voice finally pulls Sokka from his state of shock.  He steps forward, arms held out in a placating manner.  He’ll have time to ponder Zuko’s motives and apparent idiocy later.  The only thing on his mind right now is talking his sister out of something that’s almost guaranteed to end up causing her more pain.  “Katara, I don’t know if you should do this.”</p><p>The waterbender immediately rounds on him, her voice pitching up in anger.  “You got to go off on your little mission to find Dad!”</p><p>“That was different!” retorts Sokka.  To him, the contrast between their circumstances is so clear he doesn’t even get why she’d bring that up.  For starters, his mission had been based in rescue, not revenge.  It also hinged on the fact that Dad was, no, still <em>is</em> alive.  And as much as it hurts to say it, Mom isn’t exactly, well, you know-</p><p>There are a variety of reasons Sokka doesn’t like to dwell on the thought of his mother.  The painful sensation currently bubbling up within his chest is one of them.  He’s spent years avoiding that pain, years telling himself it’s smarter and safer not to let her loss consume him or allow grief to cloud his judgement. </p><p>Even now, common sense tells him it’s a bad idea to escalate the conflict.  Sokka knows he shouldn’t give his sister the fight she’s searching for, that letting himself argue further will only make things worse.  But it’s not common sense talking when Sokka lands upon what he actually wants to say- the harsh truth that Aang would always be too polite to force Katara to hear.  Once the thought takes root in his mind it refuses to leave, instead racing to spill out of his mouth.  Sokka’s final sentence comes out in a yell. </p><p>“This isn’t going to bring her back!”</p><p>Katara blinks, visibly hurt.  After a moment, Sokka’s rage melts.  He’s still upset, yes, but this is his baby sister- the person he’s meant to protect at all costs.  The last thing he wants is to see her so upset. </p><p>Before he can say anything else however, Katara’s face hardens once more.  “I know that!” she snaps. “But maybe this is as close as I can get!”</p><p>“Katara,” Sokka says again, his voice pleading.  He forces himself to calm further, tries to infuse as much reason into his words as he can.  “She was my mother too.” </p><p><em>Don’t you remember?</em> Sokka implores silently.  Don’t you remember how the two of us huddled together in the days immediately after, being cared for by Gran Gran and Bato and other members of the Tribe when Dad seemed too shaken to speak, let alone move?  Don’t you remember the long days of mourning, of listening to stories of her life and the impact she had on others, all leading up to the moment we said our final goodbye?  Remember how we held hands, you and me and Gran Gran and Dad, all standing in silence together as her canoe finally vanished against the horizon?  She was my mother too.  <em>I miss her too.</em> </p><p>Sokka tries to recall more about his mom but other images come instead- the day Dad left, the way Sokka himself tried clumsily to fill the shoes of the man he thought he had to be while Katara kept the fire going, prepared the meals, mended their clothes.  Katara, and how she soothed him when he couldn’t sleep, reassured him on his worst days, always pushed forwards and stubbornly reminded him to never give up hope.  Katara, Katara, Katara. </p><p>What Sokka had told Toph all those months ago still rings true: that Katara had filled the void left by their mother, so much so that Sokka can’t help but picture her instead when he tries to think of Kya.  He wonders how she did it, if he should’ve been more open and emotional with her back then.  He wonders if that would’ve eased the pain she still feels now. </p><p>No matter how he approaches it, Sokka’s grief has always been tinged with guilt. </p><p>“She was my mother too,” he repeats softly, almost as though he’s reassuring himself of the fact.  “But I think Aang might be right.”</p><p>“Then you didn’t love her the way I did!”</p><p>Sokka reels back, Katara’s venomous words stabbing him right in the chest.  Of all the things she could’ve responded with, he’s never imagined this as one of them.  </p><p>His expression of shock gives way to unfiltered hurt.  Aang is saying something now but Sokka can’t hear it, the earlier rush in his ears returning full force.  He can’t do anything but stare as his sister turns away, Zuko sparing him a single conflicted glance as they go.</p><p>“Sokka?”  Aang reaches for him the second the others are out of earshot.</p><p>Sokka shrugs off the unspoken question that lingers in the air.  “I’m fine.” </p><p>He turns and hurries away blindly, pretending he can’t feel Aang’s stare on his back as he goes.  Sokka repeats the words to himself like a mantra, his footsteps falling in a steady mechanical march.  Left-right, left-right.  I’m-fine, I’m-fine, I’m-fine. </p><p>Maybe if Sokka walks far enough, the words will actually begin to sound true. </p><p> </p><p>It’s Suki who finds him later, curled up against a rock and staring out to where the waves crash against the shore.  Or at least that’s what Sokka had been doing, when there was still enough light to see.  The sun dipped below the horizon ages ago, leaving the water a choppy black that’s now indistinguishable from the rock-covered coast. </p><p>Sokka doesn’t move when Suki appears, partially because he doesn’t want to and also because he’s not sure he can at this point.  His back and legs started cramping ages ago, though he had refused to vacate his uncomfortable position out of spite.  Any attempt to stand now would likely result in Sokka falling flat on his face.  Though the more he thinks about it, faceplanting into a rock would probably be an improvement to how he feels now. </p><p>Suki holds out bowl of soup, long-since cooled.  “You missed dinner.” </p><p>“Wasn’t hungry.”  Sokka’s stomach betrays him with a low grumble of protest.  Suki offers the bowl once more, and this time he accepts. </p><p>“They just left,” she says after a few moments of silence.  “Aang saw them off.  Told Katara to choose forgiveness, instead of revenge.”</p><p>The news of Katara and Zuko’s departure doesn’t come as a surprise.  Sokka himself had seen the bison fly by with two dark figures on its back.  He’d watched them as long as he could until they disappeared into the inky sky, his stomach twisting horribly all the while.  That was it, then.  They were gone, and there was nothing Sokka could do about it anymore.  He’d just have to hope that when it came down to it, Katara would make the right choice. </p><p>Sokka hums around his mouthful of soup, not trusting himself to say anything.  Out of the corner of his eye he sees Suki hesitating and instinctively braces for what’s coming next. </p><p>“What Katara said earlier… there’s no way she actually meant it.”</p><p>Sokka wishes he shared in her conviction.  Instead he shakes his head, asking, “Does it even matter?  If she meant it or not, I mean.  She still said it.  And maybe…”</p><p>“Sokka, you don’t seriously think-“</p><p>“I don’t know what to think anymore, ok?” he snaps. </p><p>Suki says nothing, just lets the outburst wash over her without comment.  After a moment Sokka deflates, shooting her an apologetic look.  He tries again.  “Losing mom... hurt us, a lot.  Everything was a mess afterwards, I don’t even remember-“ </p><p>The words catch in his throat and he stops once more.  Sokka shakes his head.  “Katara and I have been having this fight in one form or another ever since then.  It’s just easier not to talk about it.”</p><p>Not talking about it is safe.  Not talking about it hurts less.  Not talking about it means that Sokka doesn’t have to think about how sometimes he wishes he could be more like his sister and allow his emotions out for the world to see. </p><p>Not talking about it means Sokka doesn’t have to face the possibility that Katara’s accusation- no matter how horrible- might be correct. </p><p>
  <em>“Then you didn’t love her the way I did!”</em>
</p><p>Yeah.  He really doesn't want to think about that.</p><p>Sokka sighs.  He stares out over the water in the direction his sister had flown, pretending for an instant that Appa would reappear, the mission abandoned.  It’s a stupid, wishful thought, and Sokka mentally chastises himself for it a second later. </p><p>“All my life Katara’s supported me, and I’ve tried to be the one to protect her.  And now she’s about to face the man responsible for so much of her pain…  I just don’t want her to do something she’ll end up regretting.  I don’t want her to get even more hurt than she already is.”</p><p>Suki reaches for his hand slowly, and he allows her to take it.  “She’ll be ok, Sokka.  I know it.”</p><p>The pair sits in silence, blanketed by the light of the almost-full moon.  </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Life has a funny way of turning out differently than expected.  At least, that’s what Zuko has come to learn over the past few months.  Each day he finds himself moving further and further from the person he thought he was, the dutiful son he felt he had to be.  And yes, he knows he’s stumbled horribly along the way, hurt strangers and those close to him alike.  In his darkest moments Zuko wonders if he can ever hope to make up for the wrongs he’s committed (not to mention the horrors his ancestors inflicted upon the world). </p><p>But Zuko also knows he’s grown in countless ways, learned things about himself and the people around him that he never could have fathomed before.  His previous self never would have dreamed of defying his father, of turning his back on his nation and joining the Avatar.  He never would have imagined rediscovering a lost firebending form (and a surviving pair of dragons!) or breaking into- and out of- the most secure prison in the world.  He never would have predicted the friendships he’s made, or the more-than-friendly feelings he’s developed for a certain teammate. </p><p>And perhaps least likely of all, Zuko certainly never would’ve anticipated accompanying someone who outwardly despises him on a quest to avenge her mother’s death, nor would he have been able to guess just how their trip would end up. </p><p>The ride back from Yon Rha’s village is quiet- almost uncomfortably so.  Katara hasn’t spoken since sparing the coward who’d killed her mother, merely nodding when Zuko asked if she was ready to leave.  It’s clear she needs some time to process the events of the day, and Zuko has no problem giving it to her.  As the hour stretches on and she still hasn’t said anything, however, he can’t help but begin to worry. </p><p>Under normal circumstances, Zuko wouldn’t mind the silence.  Especially when it’s coming from Katara, whose preferred alternative usually consists of flinging accusations towards him like icy spikes.  The lack of snide comments and eye rolling would honestly be refreshing- that is, if Zuko weren’t so horribly unnerved by the waterbender’s unfeeling stare. </p><p>In the short time he’s known Katara, emotion is the one constant Zuko has come to expect.  She’s reactive, never hesitating before praising Aang’s bending or jabbing playfully at her brother or squabbling with Toph.  And Zuko himself can certainly attest that Katara doesn’t hold back when upset.  She shows her feelings plainly on her face and in her words, and it’s this usual expressiveness that makes her current detached behavior all the more concerning. </p><p>What if Katara’s still like this when they get back to camp?  Aang and Sokka would blame him for her listless state in an instant, Zuko’s sure.  After all, they’d cautioned against the entire thing from the start, while Zuko- grimly righteous, totally convinced that he knew what Katara needed- had been the one to propose the idea in the first place. </p><p>A growing feeling of horror settles deep within Zuko’s stomach as he realizes all that he’d set in motion.  Everything bad that had happened over the past few days was ultimately on him- Katara’s state of shock, Aang’s visible worry, that terrible argument-</p><p>And what an argument it had been. </p><p>The devastated look on Aang’s face when he realized Katara’s intentions was bad enough, but it’s Sokka’s stricken expression that’s seared itself permanently into the back of Zuko’s mind.  He sees it every time he blinks- the undisguised hurt in Sokka’s eyes, the raw disbelief that Katara would say what she did.  It serves as a constant reminder of just what their trip had cost- a trip that Zuko isn’t even sure had been the right thing to suggest in the first place. </p><p>He’d just been so <em>certain</em> this was the right thing to do, and that confronting the man responsible for her mother’s death was the only way Katara would finally be able to process her anger.  (Process it, and consequently stop taking it out on him, the reproachful voice in Zuko’s head that sounds uncannily like Iroh adds.) </p><p>Alright, so Zuko can admit now that maybe his motives hadn’t been entirely pure.  Getting Katara closure was the main reason for their trip, yes, but he’d likewise hoped (perhaps a bit selfishly) that it would be a way to earn himself the last measure of forgiveness he so desired. </p><p>It’s only now on their way back that he’s able to see just how much their trip could’ve hurt the very person he was trying to help.  Yon Rha hadn’t been worth killing, hadn’t been worth Katara crossing that line.  Aang and Sokka had been right after all- and thankfully Katara had come to that conclusion as well, though Zuko truly had no idea what she was going to do until she’d done it. </p><p>He remembers the surprising flash of fear that had coursed through him as the waterbender sent her ice shards flying.  Yon Rha’s terrified pleas were enough to shake Zuko from his grim conviction, and for a split second he had to fight the urge to throw up his arms and shield his face just like the man huddled on the ground.  In the moment immediately after, Zuko felt many things upon realizing Katara hadn’t gone through with the deed.  But strongest (and perhaps strangest) of all was sheer relief. </p><p>He recognizes now that the relief was not just Katara’s sake but also his own; Zuko doesn’t think he could handle enabling someone he hopes to one day call a friend to murder a man in cold blood.  And as righteous as he’d seemed at the start of their quest, Zuko knows he couldn’t bear to face Sokka or Aang again if he’d ended up turning Katara into a murderer.</p><p>Zuko sneaks another look at the figure curled behind him.  He’s been doing this for the past hour, waiting for some kind of change, but Katara continues to stare resolutely at the ocean.  He wishes he could tell what she’s thinking, suddenly struck with the desire for Toph’s uncanny perception or Sokka’s near-constant insight into his sister’s mind.  Zuko wonders if this trip even helped Katara at all, or if this new pain would just be one more thing she could blame him for.</p><p>The question that’s followed Zuko since his time in Ba Sing Se returns once more to the forefront of his mind.  Had he done what was right?  There’s no way yet to tell, not until Katara speaks.  Not until he gets some sign that she’s going to be ok.  Until then, only one thing is certain- that even if this trip had ultimately helped Katara, they’d hurt their friends- and <em>especially</em> Sokka- terribly along the way. </p><p>Zuko’s own frustrated words echo back at him from a few weeks prior.  <em>Why am I so bad at being good?</em></p><p> </p><p>“You know, I see the way he looks at you.” </p><p>Katara’s voice, low and guarded as it is, causes Zuko to jump.  He’d become so accustomed to the quiet over the past hour that even this flat declaration feels earth shatteringly loud.  After a brief moment to make sure he isn’t imagining things, Zuko turns to look behind him and is greeted by a startling sight. </p><p>Katara’s eyes blaze with almost frightening intensity- as bright and blue as the water below.  It’s a relief to see her earlier detached blankness gone, though Zuko feels a pang of apprehension run through him as he processes what she’d just said.  There’s no doubt in his mind who Katara is talking about, and yet he can’t help but wonder why she’s choosing now to bring it up.  Of all the things Zuko expects her to want to discuss, this… isn’t one of them. </p><p>“What?” he asks, half hoping she’ll change the subject. </p><p>“My brother,” Katara says.  The tone of her voice indicates some lingering disbelief.  “He looks at you like…” </p><p>She shrugs and trails off, either uncertain of what she’s trying to express or altogether unwilling to say it. </p><p>“Yeah,” agrees Zuko after a moment.  There’s no use in trying to deny anything now.  “I know.” </p><p>He faces front once more, suddenly unable to look her in the eye.  Zuko doesn’t want to have this conversation with Katara- not now, not ever, and especially not while things with Sokka are still unresolved. </p><p>He’s sure Katara is going to condemn him, forbid him from talking to her brother, tell him he’s not nearly a good enough person for Sokka- and to that last point Zuko has to agree.  But the tirade he expects never comes.  Instead when she speaks, Katara’s voice remains as even and controlled as it had with her first statement. </p><p>“I missed it, at first,” she says.  “I was so angry you were even with us at all, and that the others seemed so willing to let you in.  It felt like I was the only one who remembered what happened when I trusted you last time, in Ba Sing Se, and I was scared-“</p><p>She stops, shaking her head.  Zuko begins to say something then thinks better of it, shutting his mouth.  Katara deserves her moment to speak, without any interruption from him.</p><p>“Sokka and I argued about it, you know, that day you left with Aang to go find the Sun Warriors.  I should’ve guessed then.  He just seemed so intent on <em>defending</em> you, even though you’d done nothing at that point but cause us pain.”  Here Katara’s composure begins to break, her voice steadily rising as emotion courses through her.  “I couldn’t understand it- I had no idea how he could possibly look at you and see anything other than what we lost to the Fire Nation.  Our village, our sense of security, our childhoods, our-“</p><p>Katara’s voice cracks and she falls silent.</p><p>“Your mother,” Zuko finishes hoarsely.  He turns, watching Katara collect herself before speaking once more.</p><p>“I swore I wouldn’t be blinded to the kind of person you were, not again.”  A humorless little laugh passes her lips.  “Well, turns out I was blind to something else instead.”</p><p>This is it, Zuko thinks dejectedly, the moment where Katara tells him he’s unworthy of even speaking her brother’s name.  Zuko can feel the chance to make things right with Sokka dissolving before his very eyes and braces himself for the inevitable. </p><p>It comes as a shock then, when a slim hand lands on his shoulder, forcing Zuko to turn and look Katara straight in the eye. </p><p>“Sokka has a good heart,” she says.  “And I love my brother enough to trust his judgement.”</p><p>A moment passes before her words register in Zuko’s mind.  The tiniest flicker of hope begins to bloom in his chest, and he struggles valiantly not to let it overwhelm him.  “So you’re saying…?”</p><p>Katara shrugs uncertainly, though her words are sure.  “I’m saying I want Sokka to be happy.  And if that’s with you, well, then I guess that’s something I’m just going to have to get used to.”</p><p>Her words render Zuko speechless.  “Thank you,” he says softly once he’s recovered his voice.  “That means… a lot.  You didn’t have to say that.”</p><p>“I know.”  Katara’s face darkens for a second as she adds, “But if you hurt him in any way…”</p><p>She doesn’t need to finish the threat. </p><p>Zuko lowers his eyes morosely to his lap, the warmth in his chest fading as reality comes crashing back.  “I think I already have.” </p><p>He turns his head to meet Katara’s gaze once more.  “Guess we both owe him an apology.”</p><p> </p><p>Returning to the rest of the group feels a bit like a hollow victory.  Only Aang appears to greet them as they land, unspoken worry shining in his eyes.  Zuko meets his questioning gaze and shakes his head, watching as the airbender’s shoulders slump in relief.  His heartfelt reaction brings yet another wave of guilt crashing over Zuko, who hides it by turning to help Katara down off Appa’s back.   </p><p>Visibly exhausted and emotionally drained, the waterbender offers Zuko a hug that he readily accepts.  They don’t speak, but the gesture combined with their previous conversation is enough.  After a brief exchange with Aang, Katara casts one last contemplative look towards Zuko before disappearing into her tent. </p><p>“You were right about what she needed,” Zuko says once he and Aang are alone.  “What I thought Katara had to do… didn’t end up being right.”</p><p>Aang acknowledges him with a nod.  “You were trying to help.”</p><p>Zuko shakes his head.  “Still.” </p><p>He doesn’t need to voice just how disastrous his attempt to help could’ve ended up being.</p><p>“Katara’s strong.  She’ll be ok,” he says after a moment.  Zuko’s not sure whether the words are meant to reassure himself or the young man sitting beside him, but either way seem to help.    </p><p>“I know,” replies Aang.  “But this whole thing… it’s just got me thinking.”</p><p>He doesn’t elaborate further.  It’s not hard to guess what’s on Aang’s mind; the inevitability of facing the Fire Lord looms closer and closer each day, and the airbender has made his views on violence known.  And despite what he’d just learned on his trip with Katara, Zuko’s belief that Ozai has to die for them to end the war remains unshaken.  The idea sits heavily on the tip of his tongue, and he hesitates over whether it’d do any good to say it out loud. </p><p>In the end, Zuko decides against it.  He wouldn’t be telling Aang anything he hadn’t already heard, and right now there’s something much more immediate Zuko wants to take care of.  Aang looks like he wants to be alone anyway, so Zuko leaves him to his thoughts and wanders back towards camp.  The goal of clearing the air with Sokka is now once again his priority.  There are just so many things he wants to say to him: apologies and explanations and hopefully some sort of admission of his own feelings that is at least somewhat coherent-</p><p>But he’s getting ahead of himself.  If he wants to talk to Sokka, he has to find him first.  That shouldn’t take too long, Zuko reasons.  Afterall, their temporary home is only so large.  Zuko checks the campsite, the beach, even the cliffside, but finds his frustration growing more and more as he realizes they’re all empty.  After a half hour of searching, Zuko has to face the truth.  Sokka doesn’t want to be found. </p><p>Zuko does stumble across Suki and Toph, chatting under the shade of a couple scrubby trees at the far end of the island.  They both fall silent as he appears, Suki in particular watching him with a certain expression on her face that makes Zuko hesitate.</p><p>“We’re back,” he announces awkwardly, as if they couldn’t already tell.</p><p>Suki offers a tight-lipped smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and Toph slugs him on the arm in greeting.  If her punch is filled with a little more malice than usual, well, Zuko doesn’t complain.  He thinks he probably deserves it. </p><p>The trio makes stilted small talk for a few moments before Zuko voices what’s really on his mind.  “Is Sokka around?”</p><p>Toph and Suki shrug in unison.  Despite the fact that Zuko’s sure they know where Sokka is, he doesn’t pry.  He can tell his actions over the past few days haven’t exactly endeared him to either girl, a reaction that’s unfortunately well within their right. </p><p>Zuko sighs.  Bad at being good, indeed. </p><p>“I’ll just… see him at dinner then.”</p><p> </p><p>If Zuko had hoped for a friendlier reception at dinner, he soon finds he’s sadly mistaken.  There’s an undercurrent of tension running through the group that leaves him on edge and flinching every time someone speaks.  It reminds him painfully of when he’d first joined the team, conversation unnatural and disjointed.  Zuko tries desperately to catch Sokka’s eye throughout the meal, but the other teen stubbornly manages to avoid his gaze.  It’s almost impressive how fast Sokka can glance from Aang to Toph, in the process completely bypassing the person sitting between them.</p><p>Despite this, Sokka seems surprisingly normal (at least given the circumstances).  Sure, he barely acknowledges Zuko’s presence and is perhaps a little cooler towards his sister than usual, but other than that there’s no real indication that anything is wrong.  He carries the conversation well with his typical humor and colorful commentary about the day’s events, and ever so slowly, the strain within the group begins to ease.</p><p>“That was the last of our rice,” says Katara as the dishes are cleared away.  “We’ll need to find somewhere to restock.”</p><p>Everyone instinctively looks to Sokka, who in turn whips out the stack of maps that only he seems able to read.  He studies them for a moment before jabbing decisively at a dot in the middle of the ocean.  “Right now we’re around here.  And all of this is enemy territory.”  His finger tracks over to a large crescent chain of islands, shaded a deep red with frowny faces drawn in over the capital city.  Nobody comments on it, and Zuko can’t help but grimace.  On a better day they’d all have gotten a good laugh out of that. </p><p>“We need to move closer into the heart of the Fire Nation.  That way we can find somewhere more populated to restock our supplies and get a better handle on what’s going on until the comet comes.  Any suggestions?”  Sokka glances around the group, meeting only blank faces. </p><p>Zuko clears his throat as an idea dawns on him.  Four sets of eyes swivel towards him, the fifth fixed determinedly somewhere over his shoulder. </p><p>“Actually, yeah,” Zuko says.  “I know the perfect place.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A note about Suki and Toph in the final section- they aren’t central to the conflict in the actual Southern Raiders episode, so we don’t really get to see their reactions to Zuko and Katara arguing with the others and then leaving.  But I think if they had to “pick a side” (if you want to frame it that way), they would feel very protective towards Sokka, hence why they’re not that happy with Zuko here.</p><p>Also- apologies to anyone who wanted Zuko’s POV of the Southern Raiders, but after doing the entirety of the Boiling Rock, I just could not rehash another action-based episode beat for beat like that.  I did however want to explore the Sokka and Katara aspect of things, especially since the show really seems to gloss over Sokka’s feelings about his mother’s death in favor of exploring Katara and Zuko’s arc.  (Ofc that was absolutely necessary going into the series finale and I know the episodes are only like 20 mins long but come on- there’s sooo much to unpack there with Sokka.)  I hope I was able to do his inner thoughts and feelings even a little bit of justice with that part- and yes, we’ll still be working through the aftermath of it in the beginning of next chapter.</p><p>Speaking of next chapter, it’s already outlined and partially written so hopefully it won’t take me nearly as long to post.  No promises though- I start a new job in November and might have to put writing on the backburner for a little bit.  Thank you to everyone who has read and interacted with this story so far!</p><p>And finally- since the last time I updated this story, I started a tumblr strictly dedicated to atla!  Come find me at <a href="https://maipreciation.tumblr.com/">maipreciation</a> if you ever want to get sneak peaks of my writing or hear random hcs/ hot takes on all our favorite characters :)</p>
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